by Twitchy » Fri Apr 04, 2008 9:36 am
I constantly see this negative attitude about buying stuff for women and the debate goes round and round about whether you should. Every time it comes up, I kind of chuckle to myself.
The question shouldn't be whether you bought something for a woman, it should be the reason behind it. It's about calibration - if you are buying dinner/drinks for a woman because you are trying to get something from her or she is expecting it, you are wrong. If you are doing it because you genuinely enjoy her time and wanted to get a drink or lunch anyway, then it is operfectly OK. Men are normally supposed to be the provider and chivalry is NOT dead, or at least shouldn't be.
Now, I agree that going to dinner for a first date is a bad idea but not because you have the dilema of having to pay or not. It is a bad idea because:
- it is what every guy does
- dinner can drag out and be boring
- there is a lot of stress of having to carry a conversation
- unless you plan ahead, there is a table between the two of you which acts as a physical and psychological barrier
That being said, taking a girl out to lunch, meeting her for happy hour, buying her a drink at the bar AFTER you have been talking to her and truly qualified her are all normal things to do. It doesn't make you less of a man or less attractive to her if you drop a bit of money on her.
However, if you are doing it to impress her or "buy her time" or she is being a princess and expecting it, then you are making a mistake.
I think a lot of the ideas running around the community about spending money on women are simply to get newbies over their habit of "buying" a woman's time. I think most newbies take this idea too far to the extreme the other way. It's too easy to get this "I am never spending a dime on a woman" attitude and it will do nothing but hurt you with women. You will come off as cheap and selfish
Any girl that truly enjoys spending time with you and isn't in it for the freebie will normally either offer to pay for at least her half or will give you a sincere thank you. When this happens, I still pay and then, if I had a good time and would like to see her again, just tell her "you can treat next time" or "you can pick up desert". It is the Principle of Reciprocity.
If I am ever in doubt about whether I should be paying or not, I normally make a determination by considering whether I would be buying if it was a buddy of mine. I regularly buy my friends drinks or lunch and expect them to return the favor later. However, I normally split the tab for dinner if I go out with the guys.
Blue wrote:Smirks wrote:Start out with a bit of spanking...then work your way up.
stolen.
"Who loves not women, wine and song remains a fool his whole life long." - Martin Luther
http://www.twitchypua.blogspot.com