Reverse One-Itis... What to do guys??

[Kalop]

My problem isn't the lack of dates or pickups lately... My problem is that these chicks latch on to me and get a case of the one-itis on me like there's no tomorrow!!

What to do ? Some of these girls I flat out tell them I never want to marry and I've already "been there done that".... some of them TRY HARDER like psycho's and others fly the coop.

I dont want to mislead or mistreat anyone. I'm a pretty nice guy inside and I do believe in the saying, "leave them better than you found them" if possible.

What should I tell them? I got one chick pushing me hard right now for monogamy/relationship... I dont know what to tell her b/c I like her, she's cool .. I dont want to loose her and I enjoy our time together. But I'm damn sure not going to give up the game or my single status or "go steady" or any other of the BS chicks want.

?

Peace, thanks!

[Rhody]

You may be subcommunicating that you don't want to lose her. Reframe it. Right now you're thinking that you have to be careful with these women, so that makes you hesitant in your speech. You might say that you don't want a serious relationship or exclusivity, but your voice is not congruent. You might be a little worried that she will go date other men. Remember, women are MUCH better at reading non-verbals than we are. You might be giving off what Vector calls "boyfriend signals."

Here's how I reframe it:
Yeah she wants more, but she'll take what she can get.

I really believe that when I tell her that I'm not ready to align with one woman. Be willing to let her go, she might walk. Be ready for her to date other men, she probably will. But be happy if she decides to stay in your life. If you're a cool, fun person, and good in bed, then she will take what she can get.

[phoenix_rising]

Just leave it be, let them chase, just stand firm on your position, "I'm not in that phase of my life yet, still have places to go, and experienced to be shared, and I'd like for you to be apart of it, but I don't do well when pressured"

-phoenix

[Kalop]

thanks guys ... good advice.

[Sage]

if you get one that just won't go away...

You could do a complete 180, start planning the wedding for them and get really excited about it... get so into it that you don't even let them make any decisions, tell them what you're going to name the kids, etc. Tell them how you never thought you'd be so lucky as to be with someone as great as they are and, this is KEY, apologize for every little thing that you can. Even send her flowers for really pathetic reasons.

You will be LOWERING yourself in their eyes. They will no longer think of you as a catch that they must hold onto and will start to see you as a guy who has latched himself onto them like a leech and won't go away.

[Kalop]

if you get one that just won't go away...

You could do a complete 180, start planning the wedding for them and get really excited about it... get so into it that you don't even let them make any decisions, tell them what you're going to name the kids, etc. Tell them how you never thought you'd be so lucky as to be with someone as great as they are and, this is KEY, apologize for every little thing that you can. Even send her flowers for really pathetic reasons.

You will be LOWERING yourself in their eyes. They will no longer think of you as a catch that they must hold onto and will start to see you as a guy who has latched himself onto them like a leech and won't go away.

Shit, my luck these biotches would be all for it and I'd be trying to figure out how to cancel a wedding .. LOL

Sounds like too much work... after some more thought I realize I just gotta keep the pimp hand strong and forget about "losing" them... even if I enjoy their company, friendship, sex, etc. ... the bottom line is that its my way or the highway, its my world and I create the rules, its not a democracy and its non-negotiable.

[Danger]

reframing sounds like the way to go.

[TheScientist]

One nice guy to another ...

My attitude now is that I support them in getting what they want without compromising what I want and if they don't support my wants as well then they aren't the same quality of person as I am. I don't have to be everything they want, but they'll check me out to see how I fit different compartments. It doesn't mean they're going away, because I don't meet every want. I had a great friendly relationship with an ex-girlfriend like this, then she disappeared. She found what she wanted in another compartment (and married him quickly) and there's not room for me anymore.

I've been intentionally upfront about my rakish ways with the last three women I've been with and so far it's less of a headache. One of them told me over breakfast that she does long-term relationships and likes me even though that's not my MO and gave me no pressure whatsoever. The sex we had two days later was even better. We'll drop it when it's inconvenient or she finds somebody to be the bf. Another one dropped a comment to the effect that she thought some of her bad past relationships were the result of her trying to put people in the boyfriend box who could have just been lovers (that's ideal for me - somebody with the capacity for that relationship, but not the need). It looks like she and I may have the best understanding. The third I think is going to pull away if I don't offer what she wants in this area soon (I'm getting pressure and not caving) and that will likely come up when I see her tonight (especially if she drinks). I'm kind of put off by her alluding to withholding sex if this doesn't become exclusive, so it's just as well.

[MagicBalls]

Ask two of them to do a threesome and see if they go for it. If they get offended, oh well; if they go for it, be sure to tape it and upload it to xtube.com