Attractive... but not to you?

[LavianOrlandu]

I've come a long way in the past few months ever since I first picked up Neil Strauss' The Game and found out about the community. I've become more outgoing, extraverted, and the energy I get when I'm out talking to people is absolutely tremendous and satisfying. However, in the realm of sarging, my luck has not quite turned around. A recent problem that I've had, is girls that I talk to say that I'm an attractive person, but they're not attracted to me.

What the hell does this mean? It doesn't make a jot of sense to me.

[phoenix_rising]

Don't worry quite just yet....there is couple of questions to answer.

1. Do I have a strong identity?
2. Am I conveying that identity as well as grounding it?
3. Do I build suffiecent attraction before shifting to comfort?

If anything it's probably a mixture of the 3 plus, your probably not disqualifying yourself as a potential mate, and not negging enough.

The topic of attraction for the most part shouldn't come up. It more of a subtext. The key is maintaining frame and not coveying interest. Do these things properly and any man can get laid like a rockstar!!!

-Phoenix

P.S.- It's all in your head

[Westfall]

IMO, it means you're not attractive (to them). Build more attraction. DHV more.

WF

[zrONE]

3. Do I build suffiecent attraction before shifting to comfort?

I think phoenix hit it right on the head here. Before I began my training as PUA I would get LJBF'ed fairly routinely. I have always had a somewhat outgoing personality and I never understood why this happened. The problem was I was starting in C1. I would never build ANY sort of attraction. I thought that by being a friend, they would just become naturally attracted to me. Read up some on building attraction A1-A3 and your luck should change.

-z

[zine]

The key is maintaining frame and not coveying interest.

I agree that conveying too much interest early on will just make you look needy, but I also think that if you are rewarding her on her high points this will not matter. Attraction is about showing interest on her high points not yours. Doing this will show that you are a confident guy used to being around high value people.

[phoenix_rising]

One way or another, Whether he means to or not, he is conveying interest too early. He might even be starting the interaction in A3.

[LavianOrlandu]

Thanks for the advice guys. To be honest, I felt that breaking out of my shell and getting over my approach anxiety was a big enough step for me to try and take it to the next level ala Mystery's Newbie Homework: just get out there and talk to as many people as possible.

phoenix, I think I need clarification on your questions. What do you mean by having a strong identity? Do you mean a good sense of what I am as a person? Or what I do and the feelings and emotions that I send out? I'm not quite sure what you mean by grounding that identity and conveying it as well.

West, Zr0ne, zine, I have heard of the Attraction, Comfort, Seduction model, but I have never read into it, so I don't know what happens in A1 as opposed to A2, how to transition, or what to look for so you know when you've moved on. My tactic so far has been to just put myself out there, because I think I'm a fairly attractive individual. But with my latest girls, I bombed in spectacular fashion probably because of what you guys suggested, that I didn't build enough attraction before moving to comfort. Some guidance or material is appreciated.

[boyracer]

I have heard of the Attraction, Comfort, Seduction model, but I have never read into it, so I don't know what happens in A1 as opposed to A2, how to transition, or what to look for so you know when you've moved on.

In the MM model:
A1 - Open
A2 - Female to Male Attraction (DHV)
A3 - Male to Female Attraction (Qualify)

However, I recall sitting down at dinner with a couple of gurus, and one of them telling me that when he "walks in any room, he KNOWS that every woman in there wants his dick. His job... figure out which one gets it." I watched him open sets later that evening, and he went straight into Qualifying. With the right frame, this becomes a DHV in itself. You just have to keep that frame.

[AFC AdamLondon]

Hey guys,

This is something I spend ALOT of time discussing and refining.

The fact is you can go straight into qualification.

I'll often open with a qualifier.

However, that is because I know I have aleready satisfied the previous stages of attraction through my inner game.

One chink in the armour, and it won't come across as congruent.

Here's an example from a conversation I had tonight.


Student: Hey Adam There is this girl at work I want to sarge
AFC AdamLondon: Dude... before you go further stay away from girls at work, it always ends badly.
Student: What? You wouldn't go for a girl at work?
AFC AdamLondon: No way it isn't worth it.
Student: What even if she was a 10?


And there it was.

Subtle innocent statement right? But it illustrates so much about this dude. It was the first conversation I'd ever had with him, yet I instantly knew he wasn't getting laid. Esspecially not with Hot chicks.

He was giving value based on looks. In his world it's aqcceptable to put a girl before his work, IF she is a 10.

You see someone with 10's in their life in abundance wouldn't give a girl value based on their looks, as hot girls are one a penny.

Your inner game will give you away more than you know, a slight slip of the tongue, anything that shows you aren't fully congruent with yourself, and then opening with a qualifier is doomed.

MM is a great model, however, I personally beleive it over complicates things for some people. Attraction always follows the same pattern, and if you understand this pattern you can jump in at the correct stage and just escalate from there.

I hope this helps. It's late here, and I'm typing whilst half asleep.

Any questions just ask.

AFC AdamLondon

[Welsh_Dragon]

Absolutely agree. My lack of ability to practice all the time sometimes messes me up in sets - especially if I have't been out for weeks or even months. What kills me though isn't finding girls who would fuck me or getting attraction. It is being slightly incongruent with my ambivolent, HIGH VALUE frame. Falling back into old habits if you will. Even a small slip can be very costly.

Women, especially early in a pickup, are looking for you to break with the frame and show your true colours. This is natural because there are a lot of guys out there who can spit some early game and have decent looks. When it really comes down to it though they don't believe their own bullshit and they can't stay in character because it isn't them.

The only way I have found to get consistent ONS success it to quality very early and screen hard for what you want. Once you find the right girl the fun stuff begins. Manage logistics and expectations to the lay.