My Goatee Routine

[ReedJ]

My friend and I are drinking at one of our usual watering holes. I'm complaining to him how I think my goatee is hurting my game. I am more pissed about this because I feel if you have enough game, that shit shouldn't matter a bit!

I told my friend that sometimes I would try to explain away my goatee, which I think lowers your value. By the way I have to wear a goatee for work, I will leave it at that.

So we decided it would be better if I created a routing about it.

This is what we came up with:


me: "So do you think this goatee works on me?"

hb: blah blah blah

"Actually I have to wear it. I lost this bet."

hb: you lost a bet?

"yeah sucks, I have to wear it for a month!"

hb: what was the bet?

"Well, a bunch of my friends and I were hanging out drinking a bottle of gray goose, when my friend reaches into his pocket pulls a hundred dollar bill out of his wallet, slams it on the table."

"I said, what's that all about? He's like, anyone here can have this hundred dollars, IF they can pick it up with their cock!"

"Well, I am feeling pretty confident especially after a bit of vodka, and I man up!"

hb: wait, you mean you like got naked in front of them!

"Sweety, Im not embarrassed about myself. Anywho, I drop my pants, do a little maneuvering and picked that hundred dollar bill up!"

hb: HOLD ON! How does that even work?

(I do this hand gesture which is basically pantomime of a hundred dollar bill place between the cock and balls)

hb: EEWWW! you actually did that!

I have to pause here for a minute, cause when I first tried it out, I tried it on the cocktail waitress who had just taken some orders and was passing by us. She kind of knows me, she has seen me there plenty enough, so I felt comfortable just going right into it with, and like I said, it was the first time trying it and wanted to see how she reacted.

We were sitting and she was standing. By the time I was half way in the story, to where I am now, she had plopped her toush on the table, set her tray down and was totally enthralled. I finished the first half about the hundred dollar bills, and how I had picked it up. She stopped me and said "Okay, I REALLY have to get the order for that table over there, but now I am leaving with a picture of your dick and balls in my mind. OKay I am coming back because I HAVE to hear the rest of this story."

I turned to my friend and was like, "THIS IS FUCKING GOLD! She interested, entertained plus shes got my dick, balls, AND a hundred dollar bill in her mind!"


Ofcourse I have the goatee, so obviously I lost a bet. So tried ending the story where after that, my friend pulls out a roll of quarters and bets me to pick that up, but that if I dont I have to wear a goatee for a month and really what human penis could ever pick up a roll of quarters.

I not sure about this ending and any suggestions would be helpful.

But anyway, the story is engaging and even if they don't believe a word of it, you have just hooked your target!

By the way I suggest good punctuation of the story with hand gestures. Try telling it like your making the bet with them, it makes them identify with you more.


Anyway, thats like a week old and I have had a lot of fun with it!

[Silverback]

I was actually thinking the best way to pick up the bill is to invert yourself...dude keep using that in the field and post. High impact bro.

[Bunny]

what kind of job requires you to have a goatee? portrait painter?

[Scoundrel]

I like this idea a lot! I'm going to play with it and see what I can come up with.

Great work!

[ReedJ]

what kind of job requires you to have a goatee? portrait painter?

French minimalist beatnick

dress code you know!

[ReedJ]

I just amended this story. I was telling the story again, and my friend said "we were playing poker, when my friend etc etc."

Makes it more believable.

[Rhody]

"Then my other friend pulls out a roll of quarters and puts it on the table."

*dramatic pause*

"I said, 'there's no way I'm picking that up with my cock.'"

*dramatic pause*

"Then she says, 'no, I bet I can pick it up with my ass, carry it into the kitchen, and drop it in the sink. If I can do it, then you have to wear a goatee for a month.'"

*rub goatee*

"I have some very talented friends."

[ReedJ]

lol, I like very much

[Afterlife]

Wow. Personally I dont like the goatee routine, It seems juvinille..

But maby thats just me? idk

[hooks]

thought it was good until the part about a roll of quarters, who carries a roll of quarters