SP: Seeing relationships as cages timed to explode

[Finch]

Well for the last few people I have slept with it really wasn't an issue. We knew what we wanted and there was no reason to talk about it.

When I go out and meet new people I always try and be honest about who I am and what I am about. What I usually tell a girl is that I'm not looking to settle down right now. I think this is a better what of saying "I don't want a relationship". To me "I don't want a relationship" says "I just want to fuck" too much. If she wants to know why or we start talking about relationships I will usually just say that my last relationship was really restrictive and I missed out on a lot of fun in college because of it. Something along those lines. I might go on to say that if I did date someone it would have to be with someone who would let me continue to be myself and not try and change me. I think this says several things.

1. Although I'm not pursuing it, I am still open to the idea of dating
2. I have high standards.
3. I'm happy enough with myself that I would rather be alone than with someone who didn't deserve me.

You might think that by admiting that you aren't really looking for a relationship you would turn off a lot of girls but I really don't think so. I actually think doing so makes you more attractive because you aren't a guy who needs a relationship to be happy. Also it puts you up on a pedestal making the woman have to qualify herself and work for you.

The other thing I try to do is to put sex in a possitive light. If we are on the subject I might say how I hate that there are double standards when it comes to sex and that I don't support them. I might also say that I admire a woman who is comfortable with her sexuality. I think this sets the mood. Now she knows that not only are you not going to judge her later on if things go down but you would actually respect her more as a woman for being spontaneous and unreserved.

If she is totally disgusted by what you say, forget her? At least then you know it's not going anywhere and you can go open other sets.

All of this is really just theory for me now though. I'm going to use it because I feel like it should work, but I will have to field test it before I can really say anything definitive.

[iconoclass]

Thanks for the thought out replys guys. Especially Vector and Finch.

I've really been having trouble with this. The more I get my ducks in a row, the more I realize how much my dramaphobia is costing me.
I really need to just focus on now and stop worrying about the infinite number of things that could go wrong.... ok maybe a bad way to phrase that hehe what I mean is it's a bit like someone being afraid to ride in a car because they are unsure about how to handle it if the car morphs into a dinosaur and they find themselves in its stomach...
(does that need explaining? )

Granted, there is more probability of this becoming an issue than that, but my point is I need to work on not dwelling on what ifs and just do.

When it actually becomes an issue, Vector, I think your outline will help me deal with it.

[iconoclass]

With all the LBJF talk and terms like 'friend zone' makes friend seem like a 4 letter word. But I was talking to a non community natural, who was surprised at that mentality. In his mind, you have to make friends with her first...
In his mind i guess, 'friend' doesn't exculde sexual tension.

What do you guys think of the frame that shes a friend, who you invite over, get turned on, and make whoopy with?

I guess i just defined FWB for myself...