make it until you fake it

[Welsh_Dragon]

I just gotta say this because the community bugs me sometimes. It's really random thoughts but whatever.

There is no such thing as a sure thing in this world. Everything that matters is yet to be determined. The beautiful thing about this fact is that it favours the little guy. If you have nothing left to prove, as some "PUAs" of the top level surely don't, you are on the way down. Most guys I meet here have everything in front of them and yet they don't see how lucky they are. And how little of a shit they should give to the "hierarchy".

Consider this. Style never sarges any more. OK he has a hot chick depending on your tastes but I don't think it's that. I think he has done all there is to do in pickup. Proven all there is to prove to himself. Time to move on and make some money Sound familiar?

Here's the twist in my opinion. To get to the top is to accept an alternate reality that doesn't represent your idea of a perfect world. Accepting this is hard because it means accepting you don't have control.

[side note: Pickup is NOT about control. If you think it is even slightly about control go home now. Women can not and will not ever be controlled. Men have tried for centuries and are finally losing a battle that should never have been fought. Rant over but I see a lot of angry guys out there.]

Women are cool and interesting plus they have the bonus of a pussy to fuck. Most would have sex with a solid guy they just met because it's not that big of a deal to them in truth. I think that rocks.

[holyskeleton]

If you think it is even slightly about control go home now.

I am at home...

[Sinatra]

You hit the nail on the head. This is not about control, because when you think that you got control something is going to happen to show that you are not.

This is not about reprograming or manipulation.

This is about mirroring back what a woman really wants in her life.
It is giving to her what she wants, and in return we get what we want.


The only thing that I control is myself.

This is about learning how to speak woman on every level.
This is about self respect and telling a woman that we will not accept anything else.
This is about getting away from personal belief systems that do not work.
Because, not only do the we see the change the way women react but every one else as well.

Since I have been in the group, I have notice that more women are closing on me.

I was number closed by a woman on Tuesday night.

[NobodyUKnow]

While I agree that control itself is an illusion, especially when it comes to women, I want to share the reason I got into the community.

Control -- or more precisely, self-control.

You see, in my rock band days, getting laid was easy -- too easy. But for the most part, women selected me, not the other way around. On the good nights, there would be a choice, but it would always be choosing from the same category of women: "groupie". In the end, I had very little control over selection.

Learning these skills gives me the ability to have much greater confidence in dealing with women that I select. I have no illusions about wanting to "get to the top of the game". Let somebody else make it their life. I only want to get good enough to play a solid set - the same as I wanted for any of the instruments I learned.

In the end, if Style is happy with one chick, then I'm happy for him. I'd like that one awesome chick too. But until that time, I'm not waiting for her to walk into my life; I'm taking control of my destiny to the extent anyone can. I'm going to audition every HB that comes my way until I find that one.

[MagicBalls]

No, you're right, it's not about control. It's about facilitating the process.

One of my biggest problems is that I start developing feelings for a woman very quickly. I don't know how it ever got in my head that if a woman shows interest in you, that she's looking for a relationship.

Perhaps it's a cultural thing, having been brought up in a very religious and conservative home. In Texas it is a crime to have sex with a woman by promising that you are going to marry her. I'm having a hard time realizing that sometimes all a woman may want is sex. I'm not sure why. I try to play the good guy and do things to prevent the girl from thinking that I'm just out to take advantage of her. This works against me 100% . She may just be caught up with the experience of the moment and be happy to move on with her life the morning after.

Sometimes all I want is sex. And if I want a relationship, which I sometimes do, I'd have to say that the primary reason is to have sex available when I need it. My suspicion is that I develop feelings just so I don't feel guilty about using a woman. I know this doesn't make sense, but I think that's the problem. I'm too concerned with coming off as a good guy, when in the end, everyone is selfish and is after their own needs. You have to do what you need to do to meet your own needs, as others will do the same when they involve you. If you don't act, define boundaries, and speak up, it won't happen. What it comes down to is that I can be selfish, and it's ok.

You can give 90% and have someone else give 10% and she may still come out of it thinking it was either fair, or that she didn't get everything she wanted. A woman will not judge on logic, but on emotions and her perception of the truth. In the same relationship, you can give 10% and she can give 90%, and she can then come out of it with strong emotions for you, finding ways to justify your actions, and thinking that it was mostly good.

You have to do what it takes to bring things into your frame so that your needs are met. It's your needs, and your version of the truth based on those needs. There's no right, no wrong, and therefore there should be no guilt.

Now I'm wondering. By the time a 10 turns 25, how many times do you think she's had one-night stands or short stints? I'm becoming keenly aware that by the time some females turn even just 18, that they're more sexually experienced than I am.

[Welsh_Dragon]

Most hot women have slept with a fair number of people. Popular culture of course tries to insinuate otherwise and that myth sells a lot of guys that aren't good with women. Like I said - one may not like the realities of the world but they have to be accepted to move forward.

[MagicBalls]

one may not like the realities of the world but they have to be accepted to move forward.

Personally I like my new understanding of things better. It's like.. you mean... she's just as horny as me... she'll fuck any guy that knows what to say and not give it a second though the morning after... that's awesome. That should make one jump up and down on the couch all crazy Tom Cruise style and shit.

[Sinatra]

This morning it hit me like a ton of bricks. It is about Compliance - not control.

We are guiding the situation to the place were we want it to go.

Take ballroom dancing for an example. The man takes the lead. When he wants her to move in a certain direction he leads her. At the same time she has her on moves to make. I am guiding her along the direction that I want the dance to go. I am not controlling her. It may seem that I am, but I'm not.

Last night I was out with an older HB. I got her to go with me to get a glass of wine at the Reunion. At first she wanted to take her car. I guided her along to where we took my car. We ended up with the evening making out in the Lounge. And, we ended up making out in my car when I took her back. During the time we were together, she told me that she was going dancing with a group of her friends and invited me along. I explain to her that I already had plans, but would see her after my event. I did not want to escalate this beyond making out, because I intend to see her again. At least not yet. I will be guiding her so that it will become her idea not mine to go any further.

During the time at the Lounge, I used the cube game to qualify her. Again, she was very compliant with me.

Imagine how this older HB must have felt making out in a car.

[Elation]

The only thing that I control is myself.

This is about learning how to speak woman on every level.
This is about self respect and telling a woman that we will not accept anything else.
This is about getting away from personal belief systems that do not work.
Because, not only do the we see the change the way women react but every one else as well.

You had it right with the first sentence... I disagree with the rest.

The only thing this is really about is yourself. Self-improvement (social skills, the ability to get what we want, the ability to take control of your life and become a stronger person.)

-Strapper

[Tribulus1000]

[side note: Pickup is NOT about control. If you think it is even slightly about control go home now. Women can not and will not ever be controlled. Men have tried for centuries and are finally losing a battle that should never have been fought. Rant over but I see a lot of angry guys out there.]

You got that right. If you don't want to improve your life or contribute something good in any form, get lost. Stay at home and please get off this message board!

(That was not directed at any person in particular)

Also I think, in the end, its all in your head anyway. When you're competent and confident that you can get girls, then you'll notice that its a mindset and behaviors.
That the message I get from my mentors.

Mystery told me (last year): "You're going to have to go through alot of pain before you get good. But the rewards will be worth it."