Joke Thread

[Finesse]

Yeah .. so the concept is simple... post your jokes.


Divorce, Custody, and a Pepsi


A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the
custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her
feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children
into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his
side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and
replied:

"Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me, or to the machine?"

Don't laugh, he won!

[Mojo]

Good jokes are always a good way to move a conversation. This comes from Big Will. He initially says to the HBs, "I have this joke and I want to gage your reaction from it"...

The joke:
So two women are walking down the street, and one lady looks over to the other and says, "Mary,isn't that your husband buying flowers?". And Mary says with a sigh, "Yes. Now I will have to both legs in the air for the next two weeks." Mary's friends turns to her and say. "Well, why not buy a vase?".

This is a good way to turn the convo toward a sexual tone and gage the reaction of the HBs. Also, it is a bad joke so if they laugh you know you have attraction.

[PersianPrince]

What does Michael Jackson and McDonalds have in common?

They both involve 40 year old meat in between 5 year old buns.

[holyskeleton]

What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?

They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

[Scoundrel]

This is the dirtiest joke I’ve heard. It’s in really bad taste, but it ALWAYS gets a laugh.

A young lady goes to her father and asks to use the car. “Okay,” says dad “but you know the rules. You’ll have to give me a blow job first.”

So the girl drops to her knees and sucks off her dad. Once she’s done she said “dad, you cock tasted like shit.”

“Oh,” said dad, “I forgot. Your brother already has the car.”

[Kraven]

Two blondes walk into a bar...

The brunette ducked

[holyskeleton]

Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

[NobodyUKnow]

This blonde walks into a bar on a Monday, and it's pretty empty, just a few guys hanging out. She orders a Budweiser, downs it, and a few minutes later she passes out cold on the bar. A few hours later, she wakes up and goes home.

She comes in the next night, and again orders a Bud, and again passes out. This time, a couple of the guys take her in the back room and fuck her, then put her back on the barstool. An hour later, she wakes up and goes home.

The next night the same thing happens, but this time it's four guys in the back room with the passed out blonde. Sure enough, an hour after she's back on her stool, she wakes up, tells everyone bye and goes home.

The next night the bar is pretty crowded, and after her bud our blonde friend has a whole crew in the back room. But twenty minutes after they put her back on the stool, she wakes up, says bye, and heads home.

Friday night the bar is packed, and in walks our blondie babe. She walks up to the bartender and orders a Corona.

"I thought you drank Bud" says the bartender?

"Yea, I like Bud, but it makes my pussy ache".

Drumroll pleaze

[Tribulus1000]

What does a gay horse eat?

HEY!!!!! (Do the twist with your arm)

[PersianPrince]

Why did Helen Kellers dog run away?


You would too if your dog was named AJSD}_#)#KAasdasdaMSDJ@!~!!!!!Ksaj!


It's funnier to do this joke in person cause you can get the retard sounds and the funny facial expressions.