got one

[MagicBalls]

ok there's this chic I like that I've been talking to in class. She's pretty and has a very pleasant demeanor and personality. I slowly have increased rapport and comfort. I got her myspace veeeery smoothly while we were at the computer lab. Actually taking the trip to the computer lab was done very smoothly as well. Of course, they create the opportunity for you, but if you don't catch those things in the air and in the moment your chance is gone. So doing that saved me from an akward moment of getting number, setting time bridge, etc. since time was limited.

I don't want to fuck it up. I'm not going to break any social rules. Not putting her on my top friends, of course. (Some of those girls I don't even chat with). You never put the girl you actually like on your top friends. I'm not going to message her tonight. I"m not going to comment on anything until I correspond with her. I think I got off on the wrong foot because the first time I laid eyes on her I was really scoping her out and she caught me, which is the first time she noticed me, which is probably too strong for a beginning. Now I'm trying to build comfort so that she doesn't feel threatened when I isolate her.

So any suggestions as to how long I should wait before contacting her. Maybe tomorrow, or a couple of days? I'll be busy this weekend so I don't know if setting a date two weeks ahead of time is such a good idea. I heard someone mention the Velvet Hooka, that sounds kinda cool. I want to take her somewhere that will be fun for her so I don't have to do all the work of entertaining. Perhaps I'll have the first place decided ahead of time, and research a few places for venue switch depending so that I make a choice that fits the mood.

Any suggestions are appreciated.

[zine]

ever been to bethanys in arlington?
they serve some really interesting drinks called bubbling tea and it has bogas or bobas or something in it. Idk wtf they are, but they taste pretty good. and if all else fails you can make fun of all the anime comics that are in full japanese. I went with a girl there today, had an awesome time. Have a competition of who can eat the best with chopsticks.. There's tons of stuff to do anywhere really you just have to be creative.

[Scoundrel]

I’m wondering if you’re not trying to build comfort with this girl too soon. Is she ATTRACTED to you? Did you NEG her? Has she given you any IOIs? When she saw you checking her out, how did you react to her catching you? You said you “don’t want to fuck this up.“ Do you care TOO MUCH about the outcome?

It really doesn’t matter how long you wait to contact her. Call her now! High energy! Ask her some stupid question about what band sings some song. Make it obscure so she won’t know. Then when she can’t answer, tell her she’s useless and hang up. Call her back half an hour later and tell her the name of the band.

I think you should take her on some kind of group thing. Get a bunch of people together for some kind of action event. That way when you ask her out you can say “Hey, we’re going to ***** to play *****. You should come with us.”

[MagicBalls]

When she caught me, she looked right back and we locked eyes for a few seconds.

I tried to neg her once, but she took it as a compliment. I guess I haven't hid the fact that I like her very well, but she responds positively when I give her attention (usually divided with other girls). I do believe she is attracted to me. Most of the girls in that class are, and they show it... I just did well at building value from the beginning. This one cute hispanic girl that I was hanging out with during the break yesterday was talking to me and I could just feel that she wanted me. At one point she looked at me and breathed kinda hard. It was subtle but I caught it. The only downside is that I"m getting attention from the fatties as well.

You may be right, I may be putting too much on this. I should be more lighthearted about it. But the thing is I'll be seeing this girl on a regular basis so even if nothing develops, I don't want to do anything stupid even if it's just for pure social reasons. In my younger days I was very socially unaware and distracted but now I craft every step and pay full attention to what's going on. It's a serious game for me, even if I'm making jokes.

As far as IOI's.... mmmm.... well, I would take the computer lab thing as an IOI plus the fact that she waited all of two seconds to accept my add request despite the fact that she was busy doing something else and wasn't even logged in to her account. Plus we've walked out together quite a few times, the first time in complete darkness which I think build some trust. She's not the flirtatious type, like someone who would flutter her eyelashes (which I've experience recently with someone else somewhere else). I just get the feeling. She did tell me her classes next semester and asked me if was taking those without me bringing it up. I feel real comfortable around her.

[MagicBalls]

Yeah, I guess you're right. When I meet up with her I need to come in with high energy as if I was meeting her for the first time and work on building attraction.

[MagicBalls]

I think you should take her on some kind of group thing. Get a bunch of people together for some kind of action event. That way when you ask her out you can say “Hey, we’re going to ***** to play *****. You should come with us.”

This genius now that I think about it, and for several reasons. First, my stories are getting old. Gotta make new stories to tell, and funny stuff always happens when you're in a group. So I can say, last week, when I was at X with my friends, so-and-so got so drunk that blah blah blah.... instead of, yeah, when I was in other country last decade blah blah blah.... Second, if I organize this thing, it will make me the leader. And that raises my attraction level. And third, I can game other chics at the location. It will be a big help to go in with a group and for the people at the spot to see that I am the leader.

I don't know why I didn't think of this before. Single-minded, I guess.

[MagicBalls]

This question probably sounds retarded. I have read "First Time Manager", which I think is a good guide to leadership. I've been Project Manager and received project management training. I've been the leader of a couple of bands. I've never been a leader or coordinator in a purely social context, though. And to be honest, my attempts at leadership have been failures. More than likely it's been my insecurity, my social shortcomings, my lack of ability to tool people, and my inability to get people energized and motivated.

On some occasions I've let females get away with too much and eventually they run me over, which makes them lose both respect and attraction towards me. Those have been important lessons for me, though. I've learned the ultimate importance of being sure about yourself and your actions and maintaining your own frame. Social skills are essential, especially in the way that you handle people so that you give them positive energy and don't come off as some frustrated wanna-be dictator with an inferiority complex. And you have to anticipate situations, draw people into your frame, and nip things in the bud.

I never rose up to the occasion to be a leader socially. Some people do it naturally. I remember when my younger sis was in elementary school she was the leader of her little group. So it has nothing to do with age or training. Some people just naturally rise to the occasion. I'm sure there are social groups that will be walking into clubs tonight where the leader has a brain the size of a pea. But for some reason his or her group will follow. Perhaps it has nothing to do with logic, much like attraction. I've read about charismatic leaders that lead people off a cliff. Just look at Jim Jones.

Oh... my question... any materials out there specifically geared to creating a social group and becoming its leader? I'm sure I can draft a few people from the different areas of my life to make it happen. At least something to get a good start and gain experience. If the experiment fails, I know I will come away with lessons and try again.

This new perspective is completely changing my outlook on the future. I'm starting to feel in control. I don't have to wait to find a group of friends and then work to become part of the "in" crowd. I can just make my own in-crowd.

[Scoundrel]

If you want to try the group thing, invite as many people as you can think of. I once had a party and only invited enough people for the amount of food and drinks I'd bought. Well guess what. Only one of them showed and she decided I was a loser and split. THAT was harsh!

Try to invite as many as you can to play pool or something. Make a plan to bounce to another location near by and end by inviting your target to your place to watch a DVD or hear you play guitar or see your artwork. You'll need a reason for her to come over. Then things can "just happen."