If you follow this advice, at least in the US, you will see a much lower flake rate. I made some big tweaks over time to arrive at this technique about 20 first dates ago, and since then, I've only had 1 girl not respond to my text (turns out she has a serious BF), 1 girl reschedule same day (legitimate reason, I'm still seeing her), and 2 girls show up more than 10 minutes late (women right?).
Here's my strategy:
- I meet a girl, talk to her, isolate, and escalate kino up to but not including the kiss (unless I'm going for a same-night hookup). Sometimes it's only light touching, other times it's a lot hotter and heavier, but basically to the point I'm sure she's very interested.
- At this point, anywhere from 10 to 60 minutes later, if I want her number instead of a same-night hookup, I leave the bar (or wherever). Before I leave, I say "hey I have to go [meet friends blah] but I've really enjoyed talking to you." She either nods or says something like "me too." I say "we should talk more some time soon". She says "yeah that would be good." I say "how can we make that happen?" She says "I can give you my number". This sounds weird at first but it works like magic. I've never been refused for any reason. It reduces the flake rate because you basically made it "her idea" to give you her number.
- I put her number into my phone. I always ask for her last name, she always gives it to me. Just one more little thing she has "invested".
- If I haven't built a ton of attraction, I will try to hook a little more here, by saying something like "You're single and like guys, right?" or "You know I'm going to ask you out, right?" They always give an overly enthusiastic "yeah!" and it seems to improve responsiveness.
- If she is standing next to me, and it's not too loud, I'll call her right away and have a ridiculous teasing conversation, something like "OMG its cheddar. You have to help me! This weird stalker girl just gave me her number what should I do??"
- If it's loud, or I need to get out of there, I'll leave, but text her immediately with a text that says "good meeting you tonight. I'll see you soon unless [heckle]!
" where [heckle] is some playful tease, hopefully referencing the night, like "unless you get swallowed up by your monster handbag!" (I frequently tease girls about their mammoth handbags)- The next day, late afternoon (usually around 4pm), I text her with something like "hey enjoying this crazy day? come meet me tomorrow at [chill bar] at [8]!"
- I always pick a bar that is not too busy, not too loud, cheap, and has places to sit where it's natural for us to sit next to each other or at right angles, instead of across from each other.
- If for some reason we had to reschedule or it's going to be more than one day between when I ask her out and when we do go out, I text her the day of the date, usually around 3-4pm, saying "see you at 8!
- If she starts texting me with a bunch of smalltalky stuff, I will respond but with long, unpredictable pauses in between. Since there is usually only 72 hours max between when I get her number and when we have a first date, this conveniently also keeps the casual texting to a minimum.
- In the rare occasion that she cancels, e.g. "sorry I can't make it tonight! Raincheck?" I'll just text back "Sure NP. I'll text you later in the week." Then wait about 3 days and ask her out the same way, with no texting in between.
- Then the date is on. I do normal game, lots of kino escalation, then bounce to a second bar after about 1-2 hours, then assuming things are greenlit, bounce back to my place after another 1-2 hours.
YMMV obviously, but after many tweaks I think this is the optimum technique for me.
Common mistakes people make between number and first date
Don't wait more than a couple days before asking her out! She may not even remember you, let alone still be attracted to you. Strike while the iron is hot. I frequently see guys who have waited 2+ weeks, this is a huge mistake.
Don't incessantly text back and forth before the first date, and don't respond immediately to all of her texts. It makes you seem needy and over-available and will kill attraction.
Don't ever ask girls out on first dates with less than 24 hours notice. It gives her an easy out to say no, and some girls are just weird about making same-day plans.
Don't discuss the time/place for the first date, present her with choices, or ask her where/when to go. It's an attraction killer and makes flaking more likely.
Don't try to tease/neg/even joke over text with a girl you've only spent an hour or two with. It's too easy to misconstrue. If you really want to tease, make sure you include "haha" or ":)" in your text.
Don't cancel or reschedule dates unless absolutely unavoidable. Women do this, men do not.
Don't offer her your number, make sure you ask for hers. Just saying "hey I gotta go, give me your number" is sufficient, and is what I used to do before employing the above technique.
Don't add her on Facebook, or exchange emails, IM's, etc. This is personal style, but I'm a big advocate of avoiding "online game".
Good luck!
