emergency advice please.

[greenboy]

ok so here is the deal.i recently tried Style's technique of giving a girl the necklace i was wearing and saying 'i want that back next time i see you'. so i texted her and said ' so when am i getting my necklace back' she replied with 'silly way to ask someone out. to regain some control i replied with 'wow who said i was asking you out.lol, your a cocky one!'so now im in a bit of a rut.of course i wanna ask her out just not sure quite how to do it now.any ideas anyone please?

[holyskeleton]

putting a mask on your face is not gonna solve the problem. i can see several mistakes here and a short patch is not gonna help. you need to bitch-slap the wussy in yourself and be... omg i cant even start... "you're a cocky one??" way to lower value yourself my man!

[Finesse]

Insults excluded, what skeleton most likely can't say is....



Do something mundane, like a load of laundry, or going to the mall to pick up some shoes and a new shirt, or grocery shopping, and tell her "You can tag along if you want. " (If your doing something with shoes or clothing in general, say "you can tag along if you want, it would be nice to have a females perspective."

Drop the c&f for now and work on comfort an rapport.

and by mundane I am talking about something you were already going to do anyway.

Try that, and good luck.

[Vector]

Sometimes girls will say things and it's really tough to tell whether it's a test, or whether she can see through your antics. If it's a test, hold your frame and stay congruent. If you're not very congruent already (and girls have a finely tuned sense for this), then if you deny it you will just dig yourself a deeper hole.

I think in this case, she knows the necklace thing is a tactic. She called it silly, which is not that bad. She didn't say lame. You could have perhaps said, "yeah, I'm a little weird, come with me to do X on such and such day."

Once she knows what you're doing (and it sounds like she does) trying to fight it only hurts you. Fess up and you'll be better off.

"Okay, you caught me. A friend of mine suggested I try that but I guess it's too obvious and doesn't work." Don't dwell on it, don't call yourself a loser or put yourself down in any way. You tried it, and oh well, no big deal. Then ask her out. You'll get points for standing up and taking responsibility.

[BluesCluesPUA]

She only has power in this situation because you gave it to her. If it didn't phase you that she called your strategy silly, it wouldn't do anything for her to say it.

[Rhody]

I also want to add that the necklace should not be something you can't live without. Don't give a girl you just met a $500 piece of jewelry (I'm sure you know that, but it warrants mentioning just in case). That being said, the necklace is not meant to be an excuse for her to go out with you. You shouldn't have to appeal to her sense of responsibility; she should want to see you because she's attracted to you. Do what Finesse said, but don't mention the necklace. If she mentions it to you, just say, "my what? Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. I was wondering what happened to it."

The point of the necklace is that it's an anchor. When you met her, you ran all this great attraction and comfort material. You had her feeling great. Now she has this $3 piece of jewelry hanging around, but she attaches all these great feelings to it. If you did everything right, she won't want to give it back.

When you give it to her, you do mention that she can give it back to you the next time she sees you. But that is just for future projection. You plant the seed in her mind that she will see you again and the necklace is a reminder that you can conjure those great feelings in her again.

[Finesse]

oh yes... I've only tried this once, but it seemed to work quite well. When ya'll finally do meet up again, you could get the necklace back at the very beginning and then take her car to go do whatever it was you were going to do. Before you leave you could then hang the necklace from her rearview mirror so that way anytime she is in her car she will most likely see it, and at least subconsiously think of you. The last and only time I did this was when I met my last LTR. So it hasn't been really field tested yet.