I've noticed something just recently

[Guest]

I was at lunch today, seated across the booth from my 11 year old daughter, and this fairly attractive 35ish year old woman was walking towards me to exit the restaurant. I gave her some pretty strong eye contact and checked her out pretty strongly.

Her husband was walking right behind her. As soon as they exit the restaurant, she grabs her husband's hand and initiates physical contact with her husband. Just hand holding or her hand on his arm.

I have noticed this pattern repeatedly over the last few months. I check a woman out really strong, (for me it's strong because I'm a fairly shy person), making damn sure she knows she's getting the look over, but nothing creepy. If she's with a boyfriend or husband, within 60 seconds, she's initiating strong physical contact with her man. Usually a lot faster than 60 seconds.

Are the women trying to communicate back to me that they have a man they are happy with? Are they dong this consciously? What is going on inside the female brain when this happens? Is she trying to tell herself that she is happy with her man?

The only theory I can come up with is that she's trying to communicate to me that she's spoken for. But honestly, I don't understand why that communication would even be necessary...we'll never see each other again anyway, she's on her way to the car with her husband/boyfriend. There's just no need for this communication if that's why their doing it.

[Guest]

I think there are two possible reasons for this:

1) They are happy with their man and when another man stares her down it's a sign of dominance (beta men do this too, and they say most rape is not about sex but a show of dominance). Up until recently women didn't go out alone because it literally wasn't safe for them to. Despite the feminist mantra, women are not equal to men and will, until the end of time, be raped by beta men who can't get any and finally snap. Not saying you are beta, but by such an outward eye contact it could provoke a fight or flight moment. I believe this behavior is the manifestation of the type of protection that women seek from men.

2) OR, they are saying "This is what you have to compete against if you want me."

These are the only two I would think it could ever be and depending on how social and "of the world" the girl is would depend on which she is feeling.

[Guest]

I live in a building full of young people and the other day, I was riding the elevator down with a hot girl and her geek boyfriend. I was in a good mood and joking around with the girl, and she was getting pretty flirty with me. When we got off the elevator, the boyfriend grabbed her around the waist and planted one on her.

At the time, my thought was "what an insecure lame-ass"

But now, I realize she just has him on the hook. She was just doing what girls do and using me to strengthen her relationship with her guy.

Women want to feel like they have options and as long as their man is right, they want to go home and fuck their man. They want their man to know that what they've got is valuable.

That's fine with me. The first time he slips up, I'll be fucking his girlfriend. And she'll never tell him.

[Guest]

Comfort.

You were a stranger sitting in a booth with your little daughter, no wife, and eyeballing her...

There was no comfort involved. She doesn't know you. Women always run to what makes them feel comfortable (even in bad relationships). So in this case the women subconsiously reached for what made her feel safe. Her Man. She probably wasnt advertising anything to you, although depending on how you think about it, body langauge is advertising how people feel inside.

You ever stare at a little kid? What do they do? They sometimes run and hide behind their parents legs and peak out to see if you are still there. :)

This feeling never goes away as we get older, we just become more aware and better equipped to deal with that feeling.

Think of when you are standing in a circle of friends talking and bullshitting. The people with the stronger relationships tend to make eye contact more often when they are talking. Or they will look to their very close friends when they laugh about something amongst others in the group. This is obviously because of comfort (on a basic level).

[Guest]

I second Carnal here.

The girl grabbing the arm or hand of her man is the same as if she were a child hiding behind their parent's leg. Making strong eye contact in that situation comes off as way too powerful and aggressive. So, she grabs her boyfriend/husband to feel safe because he's there AND to tell you that she's with a man that will protect her.

Not all women do this with their men it all depends on how much of a protector of loved ones vibe you put forth. For example, in Grimm's 'geek' example this girl is never going to lean on him to protect her so she's not going to instinctually grab for him and look to him for protection.

But, if you have a strong protector of loved ones vibe then she's always going to look to you to deal with situations like this that make her uncomfortable. I, personally, spend a lot of time cultivating the protector image with the girls I date. So, any time my girl grabs for me like you described I always know that it's time for me to take the lead or to reassure her that she's safe. An attentive man will immediately put his hand on her shoulder, around her waist, pull her close, kiss the top of her head, something to calm her down. If you do this and do it at the right time then you build the idea that she's yours and she'll act accordingly.

So, thank you for giving me the chance to display my attentiveness and reinforcing that I'll protect her. If done right, you can parlay that attitude/frame into amazing sex.

[Guest]

She was the one getting flirty with me, I was innocent in all this. So that's what made her bf plant that insecure kiss on her.

But that's probably exactly what she wanted. To make her boyfriend jealous, and then she has the upper hand with him and as a bonus, it adds some spice to their boring relationship.

Women will use jealousy like it's going out of style.

Am I pissed at all these cock teases? Yeah only if I believe it makes a difference... fuck all these hoes.

I think Carnal an dBull Run have good theories. But they're just theories brother, who actually knows what women are thinking. I'll tell you one thing, women sure as fuck don't know.

I will say this though, I think it's difficult to be TOO aggressive and strong, if you have the frame to pull it off. I doubt you seriously scared her. She's been stared at by umpteen million guys if she's really hot, she probably just is really in to her man.

[Guest]

More than that - I believe a girl uses situations like that like you would use porn. It turns a girl on when you stare at her in the wrong way. She'll probably go home and touch herself thinking about it, but she'll fuck her boyfriend.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=grimm1111;41344]I think Carnal an dBull Run have good theories. But they're just theories brother, who actually knows what women are thinking. I'll tell you one thing, women sure as fuck don't know.[/QUOTE]


Yeah man but that's such a defeatist attitude. You're right, I don't know what women are thinking. But, I can guarantee you that I know what my woman is thinking. Women are covered with tells, you just have to be smart enough, experienced enough, and attentive enough to figure them out.

Now, how do I know what my woman is thinking? I know what she's thinking because I've developed a very strong idea of how a woman should act and I have a very clear, defined philosophy with how I should treat them. So, when I gave my interpretation of what was going on in Alpha's scenario I'm really speaking about those girls that I have a very strong understanding of, which happen to be those girls that I am most attracted to (which is something that I've honed and changed during my tenor in the Community).

This is where communication between noobs and veterans collapse. The veterans say just be yourself.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind. ~ Dr. Suess

That is true for veterans like you and me. We've gone through so many woman over the years that we understand who we are and what we require from a woman. So, we've gotten to the point where we're unapologetic for who it is that we are around girls. Take it or leave it because this is me and this is what I need to be happy...comply or leave.

When I first started in the Community, I thought I knew what I wanted. But, only through experience and maturity have I really figured out what I wanted in a woman. For example, my ex-LTR I thought she was what I wanted in a woman...didn't want the snot nosed kid that came with, but she was the ideal woman. Today, I'd argue that she's far from ideal and, in all honesty, isn't even close to what I'd want in a woman (this is evidenced by the fact that my current LTR is almost the polar opposite as my former LTR).

Whether or not the woman has the capacity to supply us with what we want determines if we choose her or if she sticks around. But, a noob has no idea what the fuck he wants or needs. Sure, you think you do, but you truly don't until you've experienced a lot of bullshit from women (flakes, cheaters, liars, gold diggers, etc, etc.).

So, when Alphagame posts stuff up like this I think it's really good for us to chime in and try to determine what it is that we think is going on. Sure, it's speculation, but it's one more data point that we can adopt or discard as we continue to understand what we're all about with respect to women.

I don't know what all women are thinking. But, I know what MY woman is thinking and I know what the women I would be attracted to are thinking (or I'm right more than I'm wrong...way more). In my theory, the woman that I would be attracted to, the woman I would date would think and act exactly as I said. That's a fact. The theory is whether or not she's one of those types of girls. Now, you have to understand that the only thing you can do to see if she is one of those girls is to go up to her and find out. 95% of the time she's not, it's the 5% we get out of bed for...

So, I think it's actually a really great excercise to speculate as to what's going on. It will absolutely help you figure out what it is that you want in a woman and will allow you to someday get to that point in your dating life where you are who you are without apology or concern for what others think of you. You know what you want and you're going to go and get it.

Until that day, you should always be asking why an interaction went the way it did, what that could mean about the girl involved, what that means about you, and what potential explanations will you adopt as the ideal model of what you want in a woman, how you want to treat her, and how you want your relationship to be structured.

Then again, she could have just been on her period, in which case, nothing you say or do really matters at all...