Advice wanted. Holiday Shit Test?

[Guest]

Okay guys, today I received this gift from Amazon.com from a girl I've been seeing casually. She know's it is casual, and I have stated many times that I'm not wanting a committed relationship. I've been seeing her for about 6 months and seeing other women too. While she is aware of this, but I don't "rub her nose in it." It just is.

So this gift is a Blue Ray player, that I mentioned that I wanted. Netflix, Pandora, the works. It's a gift you would get for your "boyfriend" or significant other.

Seems to me that this is a frame setting thing. If I accept the gift, then I am accepting that I am her man. If I reject it, I am insulting her, and that's probably the end of my casual fling too. Advice?

[Guest]

I would just say "Thank you for the gift, but I can't accept that. I don't want to lead you on". If she takes the gift back great, if she insists then you keep the gift. Be sure to invite her over to pop the cherry on the blu ray player.

[Guest]

If you don't accept it, it's the end of your fling. If you do accept it, graciously, then your fling may not be over even if she thinks that by accepting it you are now her boyfriend.

Personally, I would say thank you and leave it at that.

If she gets pissed then fuck it, you have other women AND now a killer Blue Ray player. Sounds like you win bro.

[Guest]

Just take the gifts and say thank you.

Keep acting and treating her the way you have been. It's obviously working.

If later on she gets pissed that you didn't escalate the relationship....who cares. You didn't lead her on or tell her a lie. She just reads between the lines.

Take the gifts and say fuck it. Worst case scenerio you get free shit and an angry woman. Best case you get free shit and free sex. Sounds like a win/win to me.

[Guest]

I had a girl I dated that was always buying me nice gifts. For every $100 in gifts she spent on me I might have spent $10 on her. Yes I had the same concerns you have but I just accepted the gifts and showed appreciation for her generousity. Yes she probably wants you as a boyfriend and if you have ever read about the 5 Languages of Love, "gift giving" is probably a language she speaks.

[Guest]

I decided to treat this like any other Shit Test. I graciously accepted the gift, but completely ignored its implication.

I am the stone, the unmovable earth, I will continue to do and be who and what I am, let her rage, for it does not effect me.

[Guest]

I'm confused. A shit test is a congruence test. Is this woman testing whether you are congruent? In what way? Have you presented yourself as a man who accepts expensive gifts or as a man who doesn't like to receive gifts? Would a woman spend hundreds of dollars to see if she can rattle you? I really don't understand why you're calling it a "shit test."

I think this gift is her being either generous or manipulative. I don't know this woman, so I have no idea which it is. If she's just being generous, then take the gift because she's just showing her appreciation for you.

But if she's being manipulative, then it comes down to a question of integrity. Would a man of integrity accept a gift when the motives behind the gift are not pure? Would a man of integrity accept a gift for fear of losing access to a vagina? If you suspect that the gift is an invitation to be in a relationship and you don't want that, then, in my opinion, accepting the gift is like lying to her.

[Guest]

I agree Rhody. I decided to think of it as coming from a source of generosity rather than manipulation. I start to think about and second guess these things now that I have learned the things I have learned about women.

As far as the definition of Shit Test. I have always though of shit test as congruence and compliance test. I don't think you can leave out compliance as part of the test. If she says or does something and you join her frame, rather than maintaining your own, you have complied with her, and thus it is a shit test, hence the usage.

[Guest]

Do what Lion said.

edit**
Oh wait, you already responded, nm.

[Guest]

I agree with rhody here.

Shit tests are usually to test congruency and if you're lying. However, some compliance tests are shit tests, but, not all compliance tests are shit tests.

For example, if you're trying to set an alpha frame, she may ask you to hold her bag. Now, most alpha males will not do this, so the complinace test (holding her bag) is also a shit test, to see if you are truly alpha. If you comply you fail.

When a man does a compliance test, it's usually done to gauge interest or set an alpha (leader) frame. I think most compliance tests from females try to accomplish the same goals as male compliance tests.