Unburnt bridges

[Guest]

This is a great thread, because recently I've been very interested in the notion of comfort. After reading this, and thinking about my own development, I suddenly realized that after a certain point in your development, this no longer becomes an issue. What is LJBF? Comfort without attraction. Or to put it another way, she is comfortable being around you, but she does not view you as a sexual entity.

There is a girl I am currently hanging out with whom I have a strictly platonic relationship (by my choice). She's a very cool girl, and is probably one of my better friends at this point in time. She does have a boyfriend, who I don't know as well as her, but who I like, so I would never cross that boundary. She tells me about her relationship problems and I listen and try to give her advice to the best of my abilities. She also listens to me talk about girls I am involved with, and tries to give me (often pretty good) advice. These stories inadvertently act to DHV me. I am also vulnerable with her a in a way that I would be slightly more self-concious about if I were gaming her. The point of this is that I can sense attraction with her. The other night we went just the two of us to a bar, and I treated it the way I would've treated any date, only with a little less kino. Nevertheless, I saw a perfect opportunity to make out with her that I did not take.

The difference between an AFC "Just Friends" situation, and mine is that she sees me as a man who is a sexual being. Who can attract women and sleep with them. I used to have a big fear about landing in LJBF with women, especially ex girlfriends, but then I realized that once a girl sees you as a sexual person, it's hard to turn back the hands of attraction, and as long as you act in a proper manner, you'll be able to flip the switches whenever you want.

As long as you are out gaming women, or at least have a healthy amount of experience and insight into the way girls behave, you can maintain a degree of sexuality. The only time I end up friending someone with absolutely no sexual tension, and without exuding even a small degree of sexuality, is in a professional relationship with a woman.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Fuzz;37330]you'll be able to flip the switches whenever you want.[/QUOTE]


IMHO, this is one of the biggest fallacies of the Community. We keep saying that we flip switches with women. That it's either on or off. But, that's not the case at all. Men are either on or off. Men are black and white. Women are not.

Women live in the gray of life. That's what makes them so much more flexible and versatile than men. Women are not light switches, they are dimmer switches. There are degrees to their attraction, lust, love, and comfort. Generally, men, are not the same way.

I like to think of it like this:

Attraction, that is the first initial switch. It's the click that turns the light on, albeit so very slightly. Attraction is the ONLY on/off switch...she's either in or she's out. After that, it's up to you to keep turning the dimmer switch up as you build comfort and rapport. As you do that, the light grows brighter. Then, you start escalating, you keep turning the dimmer switch. Your goal is to turn the switch up to it's absolute maximum. You want to keep turning the switch. You'll get challenged with shit tests and resistance, but you keep turning the knob ever so slighty to make her think that you're not turning the knob at all. Next thing you know, she's lusting after you in ways that she never thought she could...

Incrementalism at it's finest. That's how it works. You keep turning the knob and eventually you turn it so much that she realizes that the light is burning bright and you're that one that did it to her.

On/off switches. It's not as simple as black and white. You win, or lose, in the shades of grey my friend.

This is exactly why it's hard to get a girl to go away and so hard to get a girl that's not interested to be interested. Inertia. Inertia implies that there is more than a simple on or off button. It's a process. We need to keep that in mind. We do not flip switches so much as we turn knobs...slightly, constantly, and subtley.

[Guest]

This is a great analogy. I think in some situations, especially when there has been prolonged periods of comfort, once that initial switch has been hit, though it's possible do go from a bright setting back to dark, it's very hard to turn flip the switch back off. Would you agree?

[Guest]

x

[Guest]

[QUOTE=grimm1111;37337]Is "burnt" actually a word? I thought it was "burned." Whatever, anyways...[/QUOTE]

Rickey Bobby is a driver not a speller!