I'm the question man!

[Guest]

I went out to a local club on Saturday night with some friends. I go into this 3 set, and I hook. I'm doing really well and engaging everyone. I bust a little bit on my target (not much as see was only a 7 or so). Then I reach a moment of transition, the blocking friends go to dance. I AN NOT A DANCER. So I tried to transition to comfort building, as I have established raport with the group, and I want to build comfort with my target.

So I start off:

Me: You know, the most embarrassing thing I have ever done is blah blah blah, I'll bet you've done some embarrassing things.

Her: yep

Me: So what is the most embarressing thing you've ever done?

Her: Blah Blah. One time I pee'd in public when I was a little girl.

Me: So you like being nude in public?

Her: no

Me: Ask some other dumbass question.

Her: mono-syillibic answer.

Me: I'm not going to completely carry the coversation, you've gotta step up.

Her: WEAK attempt at stepping up. (I think she asked me about what I work on )

Me: Gave her the 6 word answer, I work in entertainment.

Her: Ok.

So it keeps going on and on like this... I can't start a comfort convo with her to save my ass. Finally, I just had enough of the trying and ejected. I've been working on my conversation skills alot, and I keep hitting this same roadblock.

[Guest]

Just starting up a convo and asking the question you did right at the start was not a good idea. Your question was a a bit too personal for most people. Its good you told your most embarassing story first, but I imagine she wasn't comfortable enough with you to share hers.

On the flipside, she sounds pretty lame to talk to.

Perhaps a few less questions and a little more info about you could creat some comfort so they would be more comfortable in conversing.

It might be good to have a wing observe from a few feet away. Have them carefully observe her body language from the very start and that will tell you a lot.

[Guest]

Ask yourself if she was contributing to the conversation significantly when you were engaging the entire group. If the answer is no, she may not have been attracted yet. Regardless,I agree that your opening question might have been a little too personal too soon.

[Guest]

Less questions and more value.

Either ...
1) Turn your questions into statements OR
2) add some value once she gives you answers to your questions. Asking another question is taking value. Set some mental alarms that go off if you ask several questions in a row. For example, you could have totally busted on her for thinking that peeing as a little girl counts as embarrassing ...

[Guest]

So her friends left you and her alone, so they could go dance? That means you ran a pretty good set. OK since you are asking for advice, a good thing to do if this happens again is the second her friends take off - you can move her. Offer to buy her a drink and take her to the bar. It just takes away that awkwardness you're describing because you're taking control of the situation and you seem like you have a plan and you're not just hanging around.

And you should start hitting on her once you get her alone. What do you like about her? Why is she sexy? Now is the time to start the qualification stuff.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=UncleHOwie;37090]Just starting up a convo and asking the question you did right at the start was not a good idea. Your question was a a bit too personal for most people. Its good you told your most embarassing story first, but I imagine she wasn't comfortable enough with you to share hers.

On the flipside, she sounds pretty lame to talk to.

Perhaps a few less questions and a little more info about you could creat some comfort so they would be more comfortable in conversing.

It might be good to have a wing observe from a few feet away. Have them carefully observe her body language from the very start and that will tell you a lot.[/QUOTE]

hes right way to personal, if you want to build rapport then ask questions based on things you may have in common. "what do you do for fun, and dont say clubbing" "whats your favorite type of music"

[Guest]

Don't ask questions, make statements.

In my opinion, early in an interaction, questions are a form of validation seeking. Questions force a conversation. When you ask someone a lot of questions you essentially are holding her at gun point and forcing her to talk with you. People do not like this at all.

Once you have a little bit of attraction then you can start asking deeper rapport and comfort building questions. Still though, I try to not come out and ask questions. Instead of saying, "where do you live?" I'll say something like, "you're a pretty badass person...you must live in an awesome place/part of town/etc."

That's a statement, not a question. But, I get the same amount of information from her, give her a chance to elaborate, and it comes across as aggressive and powerful.

Think about ways to get to the same information without asking a blunt question. Your conversations will seem less try hard and you'll come across as more confident.

[Guest]

:o[QUOTE=Bull Run;37108]Don't ask questions, make statements.

Instead of saying, "where do you live?" I'll say something like, "you're a pretty badass person...you must live in an awesome place/part of town/etc."

[/QUOTE]

Bingo......

[Guest]

Guys, thanks. This is a huge sticking point for me. When my mind goes blank, I just start reaching for question after question. I feel like I need to wear an electa-shock collar so that I get zapped everytime I ask a question instead of making a leading statement.

[Guest]

It seems like this is the perfect time to do a cold read. Run the cube on her. Elicit her values. I like to do this cold read where I ask four series of questions (white room, favorite color, favorite animal, body of water). You can find out a lot about her in a way that is fun and different. And when your cold read is accurate, she'll feel like you know her really well, like you have a cosmic connection. This also gives you a bunch of material for inside jokes and teasing. When it's all done, if she's a fun and willing participant, you're in deep rapport.