Keeping relationship alive

[Guest]

I'm trying to make my relationship with HB8 mexican work. We've been together for 2.5 months.

I'm not really sure how to describe the situation, so I'll just describe how we interacted throughout the relationship

1) 0-1.5 months: we were both very touchy feely and spent a lot of time together (4-5 days a week). We'd have sex a few times a day every time we saw each other. All the feelings were positive.
2) 1.5 months-2 months: I noticed that she was less attracted to me because I was being pretty needy. Sex dropped down to once a day, but it was still good sex (she would orgasm most of the time, and of course I did too). At one point, I made the mistake of making her feel like shit after sex, and we start fighting. She seems distant.
3) 2 months to current: We've been fighting a lot. We're both on edge and we take jabs at each other. When the other jokes, the other takes it seriously. It's very frustrating. She is no longer in the mood for sex. To combat the neediness that I held, I became more of an ass. When I am an ass, she responds better and wants to have sex. However, she still feels like I'm taking jabs at her when I become an ass. I'm in a catch 22, because I want to be emotionally supportive but I also want her to feel attracted again. I feel like I've dropped into the provider role. We both buy each other things and dinner, but she seems to value that I'm able to provide.

Throughout the whole time, we may have a 2-3 day break a week from each other.

We're now at the point of trying to save the relationship. We've decided last week to take a two week break, but still remain exclusive. I really do like her and want to keep the relationship alive. She makes me happy and has many of the qualities that I'm looking for.

Any advice on this? How can I run some damage control??

[Guest]

Is any one else's spidey sense telling them that regardless of what he decides she's going to make that decision for him when the come off the 2 week break? Or did I get the wrong read?

Soon, I have a feeling that it's going to be taken out of you hands. I get the impression she is testing the water, the dating pool water so to speak. If that's the case I would wait for her to call me back after the 2 weeks for starters. What I would do after that would depend on a multitude of other variables.

[Guest]

I won't offer any advice because I feel that a few paragraphs does not clearly communicate the state of your relationship. It's hard to say what's really going on...

What I do know is that the relationship will likely end. Hopefully, you'll learn a thing or two from it, especially not becoming too needy too quickly.

[Guest]

Finesse, I feel that way too. Unfortunately, I think the decision is more up to her at this point. Is there anything I can do besides wait for her?

[Guest]

Why are you waiting?

Edit...

Ah I see my message is getting convoluted. What I meant, in my first post, by wait for her is: I wouldn't be the first to call. What you should do is test the dating pool. If you want to keep your word, then don't kiss or fuck anyone else. Window shopping isn't cheating. Don't wait for her to come back and be like, "I think we should see other people." If she comes back, the situation, in your mind, needs to be something like: You only have 2.5 months invested into this relationship, it's no skin off your back to start dating again. If she comes back, cool. If not, cool.

That should be your thought process. Until you get a definitive answer, get out there and flirt it up. After all, she probably is.

[Guest]

I don't know enough about the situation to say if this pertains to you, but I've always found it better to end it before she does. Make it ultimately your decision. For one thing, it will likely put you in a better position if you choose to try and get back together with her at some point in the future. If your problem is that you're being too needy, the ultimate demonstration of non-neediness would be to dump her. Prove that you can walk away anytime you want by walking away.

This is just my initial gut reaction based on what you said and my own personal bias with these kinds of situations. Like someone hinted at before, you're only two months into this thing; the relationship shouldn't be getting so heavy.

And YES, whatever you do, start flirting and being around other women as soon as possible.

[Guest]

There's nothing you can do to fix a relationship while you're apart. Taking a break never works.

It seems from your description like you guys got into a routine of being defensive, sniping at each other, and basically being immature. You lost sight of the big picture. You wouldn't need her to fix anything, because you could get better at managing your conversations and your own behavior. However, you can't do that while you're apart.

Whose idea was it to take the two-week break? In my opinion, that's not trying to save the relationship, it's trying to make the break-up easier.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Rhody;36990]

Whose idea was it to take the two-week break? In my opinion, that's not trying to save the relationship, it's trying to make the break-up easier.[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this comment. As suggested before, I think you should put yourself back out there on the market. Who knows maybe shell even get jealous and want you back....

[Guest]

I don't know you soo please take this with a grain of salt. My longest relationship was 8 years and my current one is 1 year.
I would defo interrupt this "break" immediately and try going AFC rather than making things too complicated thinking about game too much. Both of you are probably mirroring each others stubborness at this point. She is probably already screening potential suitors for a backup plan or to replace you ([B]DO NOT GET NEEDY ABOUT THIS[/B])

Hopefully by this time she has seen the congruencies in your personality and is obviously attracted, to you and/or your lifestyle, to have been with you this long. Think back to where you can recall things began to dissipate and build rapport from that standpoint, even it it requires you to admit fault to what caused the problem. Admitting fault is not the same as saying you are sorry. Don't jab at her anymore, obviously. In fact avoid jabbing alltogether save that for your pua buddies. Breaking rapport is different than jabbing. Breaking rapport is healthy and necessary. Taking 2 weeks off is a complete break in rapport. Not good.

Heres how I would get her back if I was in your shoes...

Never say your SORRY, never apologize for what you did (unless of course she deserves an apology) but rather phone and say something like:
"Hey, there is something I think we need to talk about, lets grab lunch" during the course of convo make it seem as if you are going to cutt off the relationship by prefacing something like...."You know, I think you are a really good person and I have really enjoyed the time we have spent together. "Its had its ups and downs but ultimately been amazing" (list amazing qualities you appreciate about her at this point) "When I was with (list ex gf) she did this and it drove me nuts (relate something an ex did that you hate) but you never do that, and I appreciate that about you." "At (point relationship dissipated) x y z happened and and that's where I recognize a turn of tides in our relationship." at this point tell her "I know we talked about taking a two week break, but I am not willing to let you go"
At this point acknowledge the conflict and resolve the conflict. If you use the term of endearment, I love you, this would be a good time to tell her "I love You." You will have sent her through a roller coaster of emotions and she will be relieved towards the end when she realizes she is not there to get dumped. Bounce venues if possible rewarding her cooperation with something fun like ice cream (doesn't really matter just get away from where you had "the talk" and get right back to how you would be in the relationship and move on from the discussion you had)

People will only treat you how you allow them to. An oppulent man would not waste time in petty arguments. Arguments are a form of qualifying yourselves to each other and it ends up where it escalates to the point where both of you build resentment towards each other untill someone makes the move to STOP the bs. Going AFC will actually be more of an alpha move on your behalf because it is a backdoor manuever where she will appreciate the fact that you value her enough to acknowledge that there is/was a problem and want to fix it.

[Guest]

Thanks for the insight. A lot of it is making sense, and it's something that I've turned a blind eye to.

@Finesse and Prodigy and Fuzz
I started getting back into the market. I went out with some friends tonight and flirted with any woman that I was attracted to. But to be honest, I don't have the intention of pursuing anyone at this moment. I do find it reassuring that I still know how to talk to them though, lol

I realized that I have overcompensated to fix the relationship. She suggested a one week break, and I tried to one-up her by suggesting two. I know that to retain the power I do need to end it first. But, a part of me feels like I do need to try to make it work.

@Rhody and Carnal
She suggested one week. I suggested to extend the break (in an attempt to keep power). You're dead on that we've gotten defensive and immature. It's something that's causing both of us stress. I can only change my way of communicating to fix it. I also agree that we can't fix a relationship by taking a break. I will call her in a couple of days and ask her to meet me to talk.