Stop Everything Immediately!!!

[Guest]

I am in a LTR right now as I'm sure some of you are also in, or have been in the past. The question I pose is this. When you are in these relationships to what level do you stop incorperating the game into your daily life? Do you just tone it down? Do you still open girls but when you are recieving strong IOI's leave at friendly banter? Or do you stop all together immediately and put your mad skills in mason jar on a shelf? I was wandering your take on this because I know there are several profficient social artists in here. I was just thinking about that and wandered because yesterday I was at Borders studying and there was a ridicoulus little asian sitting next to me that starting asking about what I was reading. We ended up having an awesome conversation that easliy could have turned into something more but I had a premature evacuation, which is a common problem for middle aged men.

[Guest]

Don't bother with the LTR, they just go to shit anyway...

But, if you must ask. I've tried very hard to keep my skills sharp while in an LTR, but eventually they begin asking why you continue going out with the guys without her. This then leads to her thinking that while you're with them, and she's not invited, that you're doing things you don't want her to see. This leads her to believe that you're fucking every girl you see in the bathroom in between drinks at the bar. They'll start with subtle jabs at your lifestyle, then it will grow to acquisations, then it'll lead to her engage in the same activities that she *thinks* you're engaged in.

The cruel joke is that the truth is that you're just flirting and being social, but what she'll 'pay you back' with will be much more sinister.

A couple of friendly suggestions:

1) Don't ever talk about talking to other girls besides her. Make her think that you suck with all other women except her. This will prevent her from starting to get jealous which will keep her from trying to get back at you.

2) Don't mention the Community. There is no good in letting her know that your hobby is to seduce women.

[Guest]

Flirting is harmless and so is having platonic female friends, but if you're hankering for more than that then you need to ask yourself what you're doing in a LTR. If you want to see other women, then by all means, break up with this girl. AFC people are the only ones who stay stuck in unhappy relationships because they don't think they can ever do any better for themselves.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Fuzz;34086]Flirting is harmless and so is having platonic female friends[/QUOTE]


It's harmless to us, but not to women. If you understand that women are inherently insecure, then you begin to understand that in the long run they'll never allow for a man to have platonic female friends or be OK with us flirting with someone else besides them.

[Guest]

I've been in several 1+ yr LTRs since discovering the community. I've found that I apply quite a bit of PU related skills within my own LTR...

However I think you are asking more in regards to other women.

I've found my more overt PU skills do get seriously rusty as they are put on a shelf. I tend to not go out much to bars once i'm in an LTR because i hate going to a bar and drinking up huge tab w the LTR when we can do that at home. And because her and I don't go out much together to bars, it's hard to swing many nights out with the guys as it leads to what BR mentioned. Now...when I say more overt PU skills, that is more attraction game in a bar, where i tend to be much more physical so that is obviously shelved.

As far as other mixed settings -- during the day and so forth, i still do find that I'm a consciously more outgoing/social/confident due to my time in the community when i'm already placed in a setting, but i don't consciously run or go out of my way to PU when in LTR.

As far as that goes, to me if you are in an LTR, be in a LTR. If ya wanna be single, be single. No one is forced to be in one, so respect her if that is what you have set the expectation as being.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=TopDog;34099]
As far as that goes, to me if you are in an LTR, be in a LTR. If ya wanna be single, be single. No one is forced to be in one, so respect her if that is what you have set the expectation as being.[/QUOTE]

This has been my mantra, and will continue to be. If you are not exclusive, and are seeing other people, it's highly important for both parties to have that understanding. If she's on board, then there is no drama, and everyone is on the same page. If she's your one and only, and that expectation is set, then stick to it.

I'm convinced what causes most drama pre marriage is mismatched expectations. When you think you're getting 1 thing, but are getting something else, trouble lies ahead.

[Guest]

I agree with most of you. You can still apply game stuff in your LTR. If you are exclusive you might find yourself shelving your skills to "concentrate" on your LTR.

Been there done that....got all comfortable and started slacking. Now i am beginning from ground zero and bring it all back.

Also be aware she maybe cool with your "game" now but as the relationship grows she will not be cool with it, unless your girl is strong and not insecure

The other women part...have at it. its always fun to experiment and learn new styles, after all you have "nothing to lose"

[Guest]

As long as your intentions are worthy then there is no problem. If your girl has a problem with you being social then she probably feels that she can't just meet someone like that. This scares her. The fix? Help her to be social too. If she is getting jealous and you have worthy intentions well then.. she likes you. Either love her for her want to be your only and because of who she is or let her go because of her neediness. Keep your social skills as sharp as you can because 1) it will make you more attractive to her and 2) you won't end up having lost the majority of your friends because of a girl. Believe me it sucks and if it weren't for some of the great guys in this lair in think i'd be in a depressed bunch right now.

I just broke up with my girl about a month ago. I learned that relationships are the real proving grounds. Guys act like they lose soooo much being in relationship. While you may lose a few things if you don't just let her order you around.. If you actually learn to compromise on things.. to find a commonality where you never dreamed one could be it will help you in all of your relationships. Work, love, friendship it's all about relationships become a master of this and you will master life.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=zine;34242]As long as your intentions are worthy then there is no problem. If your girl has a problem with you being social then she probably feels that she can't just meet someone like that. This scares her. The fix? Help her to be social too. If she is getting jealous and you have worthy intentions well then.. she likes you. Either love her for her want to be your only and because of who she is or let her go because of her neediness. Keep your social skills as sharp as you can because 1) it will make you more attractive to her and 2) you won't end up having lost the majority of your friends because of a girl. Believe me it sucks and if it weren't for some of the great guys in this lair in think i'd be in a depressed bunch right now.

I just broke up with my girl about a month ago. I learned that relationships are the real proving grounds. Guys act like they lose soooo much being in relationship. While you may lose a few things if you don't just let her order you around.. If you actually learn to compromise on things.. to find a commonality where you never dreamed one could be it will help you in all of your relationships. Work, love, friendship it's all about relationships become a master of this and you will master life.[/QUOTE]


I can't help but think you're being a little naive here brother. There absolutely no way she's ever really going to know what your intentions are exactly. She's going to judge your intentions by what you do, that's how people figure out what's going on in someone's head. So, if you go out with the guys and flirt and be social, then guess what? MOST women will absolutely believe that you're trying to score yourself some strange or find someone better than her.

I've said it once, and I'll say it again. Women are inherently insecure. There are a lot of reasons for this, which I will not go into, but trust me women yearn to be with a man and they fight to keep their man. They will not tolerate the slightest hint that you may or may not be there for them in the future. Their biological, reproductive, and social wiring dictate to them that they have a faithful, reliable, man that can provide for them and their future offspring.

I agree that keeping your social skills sharp will make you more attractive to her and will also allow for you to have a life outside of the one you share with her. But, the real problem is that we are a group of men that had to learn how to develop these social skills. And, just like with anything else you actively learn to do, you need to practice those skills otherwise you begin to lose them. Most women will never understand this because they're accustom to being with a man that naturally has said skills and doesn't need to sharpen them or maintain them because these skills have been hardwired into his brain and personality.

Personally, ever single relationship I've ever had while in the Community has gone to shit because 1) I fought to maintain my social skills and they never understood what I was really doing (what my real intentions were, despite my best efforts to articulate them) OR 2) I allowed my social skills to slip and she got bored and lost interest.

It's a double edged sword. I think the only thing you can really do is do what ever it is that makes you happy and makes you a better person. If you're happy letting your skills slip, then, by all means allow them to do so. If you're happy with keeping them sharp, then, by all means, do so. Just understand that in either scenario you still run the risk of losing her or pushing her away.

I've often struggled with what is the appropriate thing to do with women. And, I think, in many ways, it's a cruel, irony that the things we learn make us more attractive to women but keeping those same skills sharp are, generally, not allowed in a relationship.

[Guest]

I agree with BR. I was in a LTR and had decided to keep up with my skills. This was a basis for constant fights and drama. Thing was she understood that i had gamed her so anytime she saw me talk to a girl and unconsciously stir attraction within the other girl she would scream bloody murder.

Now that you have sharpened your skills your intentions will always be judged as such.