limiting beliefs...oh how I hate the

[Guest]

so its been awhile since ive posted sometihng on here, ive been busy trying to juggle around acouple girls the last few months...to which extent i ended failing with both of them in the end

most of yall know that i have some pretty bad inner game issues...and i feel the best place to share that its not getting any better is here...im gunna get to the nitty gritty on what my major issues are:

1. I feel that im too short (5'5" 1/2) to attractive beautiful women.
2. My hands and feet are of the size of the average woman.
3. Embarrassed about my big Jew nose lol.
4. Cant get over the fact that hitting on women youve never bet is "weird" thing to do etc. etc.

I know those sound absolutely absurd..but its what keepings me back from approaching...advice will be appreciated

[Guest]

This is kinda the whole reason I got into this. I can fill books with the last year of my life that I've devoted to inner game and the last 4 months that I've really applied myself the "game"
I have a ton to say on this topic and a lot of things that my own personal experience has shown me.
First of all you have to realize that people don't look at you with the same fault finding microscope you look at yourself with. Think about it this way. If there is a fly buzzing around in a 5 star resteraunt, most of the people won't notice it... It's a fly. But if the waiter starts swatting at it everyone will react and because he brought attention to it. People get their cues on how they feel about you from you. Take responsibility for the fact that you are insecure(unatractive). Really ask girls for feedback on what's attractive about you and project those things. Let women and everyone know how they should feel about you because of how you feel about yourself. The best way to do this is to go suceed at pickup. Your success will breed more confidence, the more confidence you project the more success you'll have.
Bro, hit me up outside of this thread and I'd be glad to tell you about everything I've learned along the way.

[Guest]

Gunner, it's pretty clear that you have inner game issues. It's something you project through the written word, imagine how much you probably project it in the physical world.

Everyone has things about themselves that they would change, everyone. And, as insecure as you may think you are, I can almost promise you that you're still MORE secure than MOST women.

Ram is right that you need to take ownership of the traits that you don't really like about yourself. They are yours, you cannot really change them, so get over it and worry about other things that you CAN change. But, I wouldn't really call you unattractive. You see, we tend to think of attractive/unattractive as a generally applicable characteristic. We tend to think that either you are or you are not attractive. What you need to understand is that this is not true at all...especially with women!!!

That saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder exists for a reason...because it's fucking true. Attractiveness is relative. And, some will think you are while some will think you are not.

I don't consider myself to be an especially attractive guy. But, I've had my fair share of attractive women (at least what I define as attractive). I've always asked myself what is it that women find attractive about me and just recently it occurred to me...women have never really called me attractive, instead, they call me sexy.

Now, sexy is something completely and totally different than mere attraction. Sexy is what the French refer to as that je nes se qua that someone possesses...this literally means that 'I don't know what.' It's that intangible that gets you noticed and gets people to want to be around you despite how attractive you are or are not.

My first girlfriend was a 7. She was 6 years my senior (I was 16). I would never call her beautiful, BUT, I saw her time and time again get approached by men. And, not just scrubs but genuinely attractive guys. People treated her differently from any woman I'd ever known up to that point in my life. She would routinely get free meals, have men open doors for her, have them go out of their way to be around her. Granted it wasn't completely obvious what they were doing, but I noticed it because I'd never seen it before. She wasn't beautiful, but she was fucking sexy.

Sexy is a holistic view of a person. It's the way you walk, how you carry yourself, how you react to the world, how you dress, how you act, etc. Your limiting belief isn't that you think you're unattractive, instead it's that you don't understand this very real dynamic in our world.

Like I said, I can think of only ONE woman that thought I was 'beautiful' or 'hot.' All of the rest of them said I was sexy. They would call me funny, smart, interesting, mysterious, exciting, powerful, successful, and (occasionally) handsome.

You see, I'm of the opinion that people really only want to be with those that they find sexy. Being attractive is part of that, but it's not the whole thing. I can't tell you how many guys I've met that are attractive and get laid a lot because of it, but can't keep a girl in their life longer than a few weeks because that's all they have to offer. On the other hand, I can't tell you how many guys I've met that aren't all that attractive but keep women in their lives because they have a lot to offer them...shit bro, I'm one of them (for some odd fucking reason women fall for me, and fast, not tutting my own horn just stating a weird fact).

So, if you can't offer women beauty...guess what? You're going to have to offer them much, much more outside of that...And, once you've built that war chest of goodies that women find sexy and appealing then you're never going to have the limiting belief that you're not attractive enough for them because you know you have a shit ton to offer them...

[Guest]

yea i feel you BR...I know I have plenty of qualities that can translate to sexiness..especially my humor comfortablity..i guess im just really frustrated that i cant push that envelope to taking the interaction to a sexual level...its that burning feeling in the back of my head that keeps telling me im not good enough for this bombshell...just like Ram said..i just gotta have some successful pick ups under my belt..

[Guest]

This reminds me of a story I read...I believe when I first found the community. I don't know it verbatim but it went something like this.

Guy and girl meet and like each other. They decide they should go on a date. They decide dinner sounds good and agree to meet at the restaurant. The day of the guy notices a zit starting to appear. As the day goes on all he can think of is this stupid zit that is getting bigger and bigger and it doesn't help that he keeps messing with it. He is doing all he can to make it less noticeable and finally runs out of time.

He meets his date at dinner and everything is going well. A few minutes into the dinner he blurts out something about his zit to his date. From that point forward all she can think about is this zit. She didn't even notice it until he brought it up and now she can't think of anything else. She just keeps staring at it. He is upset about it, she is upset about it and the date ends up in disaster.

Alright that is the jist of the story. The point is that if he would have not even mentioned the zit to his date she probably wouldn't have even noticed it. And even if she did notice it since it wasn't a big deal to him it wouldn't have been a big deal to her.

Accept who you are. Change the things that you can actually change and embrace what you can't. Last I heard you can't get new hands or feet. Without crazy surgery you can't get taller. I guess you could get plastic surgery for the nose but damn that is major operation and expensive. So embrace who you are as a person and do your best to enhance your good qualities. If you linger on the bad stuff so will she.

Every single person has limiting beliefs. You either accept your flaws and move on or wallow in horrible thoughts. One will serve you well the other won't. Easy choice.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=playercool;33019]
Alright that is the jist of the story. The point is that if he would have not even mentioned the zit to his date she probably wouldn't have even noticed it. And even if she did notice it since it wasn't a big deal to him it wouldn't have been a big deal to her.

Accept who you are. Change the things that you can actually change and embrace what you can't. Last I heard you can't get new hands or feet. Without crazy surgery you can't get taller. I guess you could get plastic surgery for the nose but damn that is major operation and expensive. So embrace who you are as a person and do your best to enhance your good qualities. If you linger on the bad stuff so will she.

Every single person has limiting beliefs. You either accept your flaws and move on or wallow in horrible thoughts. One will serve you well the other won't. Easy choice.[/QUOTE]

Exactly.

It's not an issue unless you make it an issue.

Furthermore, it's not constructive to focus on these things.

Frankly, I'm not too big a fan of the community's use of "inner game" It's too much of a moving target, as a friend once put it, to really give you a path of change. (Although I would recommend reading something like Steven Covey, and understanding what he says about circle of influence.)

If you have "inner game" issues, look for more specifics A couple of examples:
- Lacking confidence? write down a list of 10 - 20 things that are unique about you (taken from Toecutter), work out, practice a sport / martial art
- Think you're shy? take a comedy / improv class, hang out with social people

So for you:

You think hitting on women you don't know is weird? Write down a list a detailed as possible of what it exactly is that bothers you about hitting on women. I mean, I NEVER cold approached before joining the community, so it was quite weird to me. But some of the stuff I had on my list was just hilarious after I got it out of my system.

The other three things you listed I don't have personally, so anything I suggest will just be KJing. But it seems like it's a lack of confidence, so see above.

Good luck.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Gunner22;33009]so its been awhile since ive posted sometihng on here, ive been busy trying to juggle around acouple girls the last few months...to which extent i ended failing with both of them in the end

most of yall know that i have some pretty bad inner game issues...and i feel the best place to share that its not getting any better is here...im gunna get to the nitty gritty on what my major issues are:

1. I feel that im too short (5'5" 1/2) to attractive beautiful women.
2. My hands and feet are of the size of the average woman.
3. Embarrassed about my big Jew nose lol.
4. Cant get over the fact that hitting on women youve never bet is "weird" thing to do etc. etc.

I know those sound absolutely absurd..but its what keepings me back from approaching...advice will be appreciated[/QUOTE]

I am:
1. 39 and live with my parents
2. have no money and no job
3. a 6 year old son
4. am fat.

If you can even come close to that as reasons that you can't get laid, come see me, if not, go stick your dick in something.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Gunner22;33009]so its been awhile since ive posted sometihng on here, ive been busy trying to juggle around acouple girls the last few months...to which extent i ended failing with both of them in the end

most of yall know that i have some pretty bad inner game issues...and i feel the best place to share that its not getting any better is here...im gunna get to the nitty gritty on what my major issues are:

1. I feel that im too short (5'5" 1/2) to attractive beautiful women.
2. My hands and feet are of the size of the average woman.
3. Embarrassed about my big Jew nose lol.
4. Cant get over the fact that hitting on women youve never bet is "weird" thing to do etc. etc.

I know those sound absolutely absurd..but its what keepings me back from approaching...advice will be appreciated[/QUOTE]

Attraction is not a mask you wear on your face. It's not a part of your body. It's not something that is rationed out, that you either get a little or a lot of. Attraction is something that happens in her mind. Sure, it's easier to make that happen when you're Tom Brady or Leonardo DiCaprio. But you can make it happen with your speech, your body language, your attitude, your talents, your sense of humor, etc.

You talk about limiting beliefs, but the sad thing is you're limiting HER beliefs. That's not fair.

[Guest]

Gunner,

I've only been a part of this community for a while and am by no means anyone to speak of inner game or any game for that matter. Nevertheless in terms of improvement of innergame I feel like I have made some dramatic improvements. Furthermore I would have to attribute a lot of it to something I was hesitant if not even skeptical to try untill I had a little epiphany. I don't know if you do it or not but do you have a mantra or something that you say every morning right when you get up? Something that sets your state for the day and builds a foundation for your thought patterns? If not I would HIGHLY advise it. It took about a week of doing it and kind of feeling stupid but then something happened where I not only didnt feel stupid but felt strong. For these other guys who have enjoyed success in their personal lives or in the field already have acquired a substancial amount of inner game and may not even do it. However I have been doing this for the past couple of weeks and it has made me powerful. Just put together a list of traits like that define who you want to be as a man that also eliminates your limiting beliefs and every morning find a quiet place, quiet your mind and really commit to the words. I'd imagine not being very spiritual that this reinforcement incorperates the same patterns as praying to truly strengthen yourself. Again an amateur talking of proffesional things, does anybody else even do this?