How to tell about your flaws/past problems.

[Guest]

To explain this technique properly let me describe a hypothetical situation that you could use this technique in:

[i]You are at one of your friends parties. You have known most everyone here either directly or indirectly for a long time. You see a girl you do not know. You warm approach and figure out she knows so and so and is a friend of your ex gfs, whom you were a horrible bf to, best friend. She says "Oh you're THAT guy that dated Insertrandomexgirlfriendsnamehere..." meaning she knows that you weren't the best of boy friends. You feel she is losing attraction towards you because she realizes just WHO you are. You search your mind for something witty to say to this but you cannot find anything to use in this situation.. You decide it is best to tell the truth.[/i]


Sometimes, like in this situation, I believe it is best to tell the cold hard truth. While saying something smart ass-ish such as "Yeah I dated Insertrandomexgirlfriendsnamehere, she must've told you how awesome I was in bed", or something like that because I don't know how you would respond to this, it is doing nothing to your value in her eyes. She still thinks you are the same asshole guy she has heard you are.

Or you could go about this situation by ignoring the statement altogether like this:
HBdomenowUrbanLegend: "Oh you're THAT guy that dated Insertrandomexgirlfriendsnamehere..."
You: "Remember that Superbowl where Janet Jackson's boob popped out????" While this technique can work, it is avoided the difficult situation she has put you in. If you are "running away" from a simple statement like this than how are you ever going to handle a more serious situation? Run away? That is not attractive.


This may not be the ABSOLUTE CORRECT way to answer this question but you could say something like "Yes. I am THAT guy, but our relationship was crazy and we both made mistakes, but just like in everything in life, you learn from those mistakes and grow from them."

In my opinion, the third way is the best way to react in a difficult situation like this. You can use this type of reaction in many scenarios when something negative about your past is brought up or you are discussing one of your flaws.

[center] Discussing one of your flaws: You are with a girl you genuinely like and find great. Everything has gone well with you both, but you feel you have been hiding something from her this whole time and tonight is the night you want to reveal it to her. You stare into her eyes and say "Listen I need to tell you something about myself. I used to be a woman, but because I used to be a woman it has let me really know how it feels to be a female and make me respect females a lot more. IF THIS IS YOUR FLAW THEN I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU SPEAK IT WHEN YOU FIRST MEET THE GIRL INSTEAD OF KNOWING HER FOR A LONG TIME THEN TELLING HER LATER


[b]DISCLAIMER: I DID NOT USED TO BE FEMALE NOR DO I KNOW ANYONE THAT HAS HAD A SEX CHANGE NOR AM I GLORIFYING SEX CHANGES BY BRINGING UP THIS SCENARIO. THIS IS JUST MY ATTEMPT AT COMEDY AND I COULD NOT THINK OF ANY OTHER FLAW AS I HAVE NO FLAW!!!!! ENJOY. .[/b] [/center]

Anwyays back to the technique.
To do this technique you must understand a simple formula. Here are the variables to the formula:
A= Past experience or flaw
B= Ways in which you have grown or learned from these past experiences or flaws
C= Happy HB because you responded well to her concern or your flaw and showed her some real maturity. She wants your dick now ;)

And at long last...here is THE FORMULA:
A + B = C

[Guest]

That's a horrible example!

I see what you're saying and I agree with the general formula. But I don't think your example demonstrates the formula at all.

I would add that it helps to be as specific as possible, because if you speak in generalities it sounds like bullshit. "I used to shoplift a lot, and I learned that that's not who I want to be, and it's made me grow into a better person." Whatever. "I used to shoplift a lot, and one day I started noticing the kind of people I was around, like this one time, my supposed 'buddy'... (story with specifics and details). And this kind of thing really made me rethink where I was going with life, and I decided I really wanted to pursue (specific thing 1) and (specific thing 2)." Now you've given her a little peek at your soul. That's the stuff comfort is made of.

[Guest]

I don't get it. Are you debating avoiding a negative thought vs. explaining it? That's like saying, "use punctuation." It's not absolutely necessary to get the point across, but makes you look like a better person.

I just don't see a point to this post...lol

[Guest]

First, I always think it's hilarious how guys routinely try to turn an obviously soured situation into a positive for them. In this case, trying to turn the girl that is an ally of your enemy is a soured situation. I frankly don't care how great this girl is, she needs to be seen as a lost cause and, probably, not worth you trying to 'turn.'

There are other women in the sea...move on. Understand that women are like sandwiches, they have two pieces of bread and some kind of filling in the middle. Now, sometimes it's turkey and cheese with mayo...or corned beef, swiss, sauerkraut, with long island dressing...but, fundamentally they are all the same. A sandwich really is just a sandwich. A woman is just a woman.

Anyway, I understand you were using this as an example. But, in said situation, and most other applicable situations it simply is not worth your effort.

Now, if you know this girl and have decided that she is just the sandwich to satisfy your appetite, then I think you really only have two options: 1) you tell her the truth or 2) you keep your mouth shut.

One of the things about being an adult is that you understand when to employ number 1 and when to employ number 2.

In your sex change operation example, I think you would employ number 1 if you knew that you could otherwise get caught (i.e. physical evidence)...otherwise, shut your mouth, let her love you for who you are and not who you were.

Women care about where you are and where you're going, not the skeletons that you have locked up in your closet. Think about it like this, if you cannot leave an issue from the past in the past then what you've done is now made it her issue to cope with as well. This is not fair. Your baggage is your baggage, you need to carry it. Letting the skeletons out implies that you are not man enough to bear the burden of your own decisions...she'll interpret this as weak.

Plus anyways, why would you ever give a woman a reason not to think that you hung the moon?

[Guest]

I did not read the whole post, but I will say it is a Puss move to immediately tell some girl you just met about your flaws and then try to explain and justify yourself and your actions. Before she even asked, I might add.

[Guest]

[left]I just saw the movie "My Best Friend's Girl," and other than my reluctant surprise that it was
better than the garbage I had chalked it up to be. It had a pretty good grasp on social dynamics.

If there is one thing that I now have a seething hate for is how hollywood/media make
all these fucked up connotations on how guys are supposed to act with women.
Anyone who has seen any any "american pie/teen movies" will agree that [i]that[/i] shit is [b]retarded[/b].[/left]

...Back to my answer...

-"Rent" that movie. (I actually rented it, those $1 movie kiosks are godsends)

-After said film ask yourself "What would tank have said?"

Get back to me ;)

[Guest]

hmm, interesting post...

with this formula that you have, i think it wil work on a certain type of woman. some women would find this as weak (as lion mentioned) and some find that being able to open up like a book is sexy (you know the quasi gay sensitive bf)...it all depends on what she finds attractive...

i think the best way to utilize this is to use it sparingly.

for example, you are the typical alpha male, the leader of the pack. always strong, yet fair. you didnt cry at titanic and love beef..whatever...

since youre always alpha, anytime you show vulnerability (do not read as weak), women will find this attractive. for example, a grown man crying at his fathers funeral. or a father crying at his daughters wedding. these are the things that women will see and find extremely sexy, not weak. it relates to one of the major switches; the ability to emote. (i know, what ive listed are not flaws, but being able to openly talk about your flaws puts you in an emotional vulnerable state, similar to the examples i have listed)

being able to open up and tell her the truth about a flaw, putting yourself out there to be judged, shows that you trust her (once again, not to be used often you sissy!)..of course this is would work much much better if you were in a relationship or something...

point of my post? lion's right. dont immediately open up to every chick you mean. if youre an alpha male, this should be used when youre in or near a relationship, to show her that you actually are human with emotions...

thats my $.02