Is confidence just denial?

[Guest]

Is confidence just giving yourself the mindset that you won't be rejected by anyone or at the very least giving off that vibe? I can see how this type of mindset would easily decrease your rejection rate, but I still don't see a difference between it.

[Guest]

Denial is believing in something that is not true, or refusing to believe something that is true.

If you are generally accepted and not rejected, then believing you probably won't be rejected can't be denial, because it's true.

But just trying to be confident out of sheer willpower is another matter.

There are competing theories. Some believe that with enough outer game and routines, you can develop the experience of acceptance which then leads to the belief and confidence. Others say this is a fools errand, and outer game can never cover up insecurity well enough to get results, therefore you must work on inner beliefs first, by whatever means. (Affirmations, self-hypnosis, or I guess denial could be included here.) But even with the inner-game-first approach, it is intended to be self-fulfilling, so it is not in conflict with reality for very long.

[Guest]

[quote1243354445=Brownie]
Is confidence just giving yourself the mindset that you won't be rejected by anyone or at the very least giving off that vibe? I can see how this type of mindset would easily decrease your rejection rate, but I still don't see a difference between it.
[/quote1243354445]

What you are describing is over-confidence. Over-confidence, cockiness, can certainly be considered a form of denial. Confidence and over-confidence are two completely different things.

Confidence is in no way denial. Confidence literally means freedom from doubt.

Telling yourself that you won't be rejected by anyone when you don't actually believe it is a form of denial. If you truly believe it then it is not denial, cannot possibly be denial.

It isn't what you tell yourself, it is what you actually believe 100% that defines a persons confidence.

[Guest]

We're talking, more specifically, about self-confidence...

Self-confidence does not necessarily imply a belief in one's ability to succeed. For instance, one may be inept at a particular sport or activity, but remain 'confident' in their demeanour, simply because they do not place a great deal of emphasis on the outcome of the activity. The key element to self-confidence is, therefore, an acceptance of the myriad consequences of a particular situation, be they good or bad. When one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more 'self-confident' because one is worrying far less about failure or (more likely) the disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable.

There a fine line between being self-confident and denying reality. Based on the definition above, refusing to acknowledge the 'myriad of negative consequences' could be construed as a form of denial. However, the fundamental difference between denial (the refusal to accept negative outcomes) and self-confidence (being outcome independent) is that denial stops at the negative outcome. It does not even acknowledge the presence of a 'sister' or parallel outcome(s), i.e. positive, neutral, etc. As such, it is fundamentally flawed to consider denial the same as confidence. Denial is the refusal to be impacted by negative outcomes, self-confidence is the refusal to be impacted by any outcome.

[Guest]

[quote1243392991=Brownie]
Is confidence just giving yourself the mindset that you won't be rejected by anyone or at the very least giving off that vibe? I can see how this type of mindset would easily decrease your rejection rate, but I still don't see a difference between it.
[/quote1243392991]

True confidence, and the results that can bring, are 100% definitely not just "giving off that vibe". Call it "denial of rejection" I suppose but whatever you call it that flat doesn't work. You must only deal in reality and the moment. Logic is not the realm of the female. Rejection is subjective and meaningless (like fame - thanks Brand!).

If you have any denial going on that will work against you. I have seen it in field with guys and they actually end up going to the opposite extreme to where opening is such a huge deal so they don't have to deal with not dealing with the rejection ;)!!

You will have a very hard time building energy and state if you deny reality. People's body language will be all negative towards you and usually you will come off with poor body language too. Reading people, social situations, women(!) in quick timeframes is impossibly hard if you are rejecting realty. This actually kills energy and turns women off. For example sometimes (often) a shit test might be pure BL. If so you would miss the correct response assuming this was a test (you made a negative reaction or whatever you want to calll it or you called her out on her shit). And you would lose in the "deny reality" mode. Also one final point here - the rest of the bar (women in the bar) only sees BL of the interaction. Your BL therefore should be the same with success or with rejection (on cold approach). Elegant social grace is attractive to females.

Brownie - a question for you.. Why do you want to diminish the rejections? They are a necessary part of this game and you really need to embrace them (for what my opinion is worth). I will honestly tell you the best nights I have ever had (one was less than 2 weeks ago in a random city on my own) had me getting flat rejected at some early point by a girl or group of girls. Not in a weird or creepy way .. just asking a question in a bar or whatever and them telling me by their body language my presence wasn't required or desired at that time .. and that's OK .. but .. it makes you feel alive!!! You have made it to a major milestone at that point once that gives you a positive rush because it is usually associated with GREAT nights!

Life is what it is. If you don't fight that the rest takes care of itself much better.

One more tip .. pick up girls who pick you. Learn to read them, then let them do the work. Once you get really good you will see they give BIG windows to the right guys. Here you can reduce rejection rate (if desired). Catch 22 is that you must do and be willing to get rejected first to learn and grow.

Cheers!