Smirks,
Maybe you are thinking about this too much. You have had 3 relationships lasting longer than a year. Guaranteed that is more than 99.9% of the guys on this board. By that note you are doing phenomenal.
Maybe these girls were really cool and you had a good time with them, but they were not the one(s) for you. There is no need to put so much energy into this, when it happens it will happen organically before you even realize it. Fate is giving all these girls the boot so you can be with a total badass chick. And you're making an army of friends in the process. Sounds like you have the strategy down. The fun part is that it won't happen with every chick.
Be patient. It has to be the right time, it has to be the right place, it has to be the right circumstances. It just doesn't work any other way.
Some say set a boyfriend frame. Some say set an anti-boyfriend frame. I say don't set any frame and just be. Just don't think about it like a curse. If that's how you feel than that is how it's going to be. It's a blessing that you aren't ending up with the first piece of meat the butcher throws at you and you're very fortunate. That should be your frame.
*Lion Noises*
Dallas PUA
The Pickup Artist Playground
The Curse of the One Month Marker
20 posts
• Page 2 of 2 • 1, 2
by Guest » Thu May 07, 2009 11:58 am
By just "being" you still set a frame, you just aren't aware of it.
The frame he's been just "being" is the party frame, where if he is starting to want to settle then he should re-evaluate his "boyfriend" qualities, it's a different type of sales pitch, after attraction of course, which he already has down.
Questions like, "If you could be doing anything right now what would you be doing?" She'll ask you back. A statement like, "There kissing you." Is sufficient to set more of a boyfriend frame.
Use "We" a little more.
Likewise, "You haven't tasted eggs, until you've tasted these, I'll have to cook them for you." Displays more than a "fuck buddy" frame. Small comments here and there, throw them in, and see what you get.
If you're already using them, just add more of them until your ratio of fuck buddy sayings to boyfriend sayings, changes.
Lion you are right, it will just happen, but he still has to position himself to where it can, otherwise he'll keep attracting the wrong type.
The frame he's been just "being" is the party frame, where if he is starting to want to settle then he should re-evaluate his "boyfriend" qualities, it's a different type of sales pitch, after attraction of course, which he already has down.
Questions like, "If you could be doing anything right now what would you be doing?" She'll ask you back. A statement like, "There kissing you." Is sufficient to set more of a boyfriend frame.
Use "We" a little more.
Likewise, "You haven't tasted eggs, until you've tasted these, I'll have to cook them for you." Displays more than a "fuck buddy" frame. Small comments here and there, throw them in, and see what you get.
If you're already using them, just add more of them until your ratio of fuck buddy sayings to boyfriend sayings, changes.
Lion you are right, it will just happen, but he still has to position himself to where it can, otherwise he'll keep attracting the wrong type.
- Guest
by Guest » Thu May 07, 2009 1:21 pm
My thoughts qualified a bit:
No need to 'pull back' too much, but I wonder if you give ALL girls the same interaction?...even the ones you might like more than others?
(I dunno...you'd have to answer that one)
If you find one you like, do you give her a little more attention than the rest? I don't mean going all needy...but you do have to let your intentions be known.
Its my opinion that if you find a girl that you like enough to go the distance with, then its time to start showing some interest. Being needy while in a relationship is just a trait where you over do the showing-of-interest part.
You still have a life...you still have friends...you still go out. But now you have a girl you like spending time with.
I don't see anything wrong with her being progressively aware of that.
Also, its never really been my experience that relationships just all-of-a-sudden happen (click you're there).
Its always been my experience (pre-community, mind you) that the development of a relationship is progressive in some sense: You like each other but you can't really justify it yet (texting/calling/flirting/yadda), hang out (with friends or alone...call it a date i guess), hang out alot (hang more frequently, grab lunch, go on a 'date' here and there, chill/go out with friends together), then eventually acknowledge the relationship in some way.
The only things I'd change now about that process are that I would probably acknowledge what's going on sooner and I'd omit the whole "like each other but cant justify it yet" phase (AKA the 'Being-A-Pussy' phase).
Cliche and cheesy as it sounds, to be in a relationship is to merge a girl in as a part of your life.
So this means she has to fit into your life...so you slowly introduce her in and see if she fits.
(I hope she fits....god forbid you wind up with a fatty...)
No need to 'pull back' too much, but I wonder if you give ALL girls the same interaction?...even the ones you might like more than others?
(I dunno...you'd have to answer that one)
If you find one you like, do you give her a little more attention than the rest? I don't mean going all needy...but you do have to let your intentions be known.
Its my opinion that if you find a girl that you like enough to go the distance with, then its time to start showing some interest. Being needy while in a relationship is just a trait where you over do the showing-of-interest part.
You still have a life...you still have friends...you still go out. But now you have a girl you like spending time with.
I don't see anything wrong with her being progressively aware of that.
Also, its never really been my experience that relationships just all-of-a-sudden happen (click you're there).
Its always been my experience (pre-community, mind you) that the development of a relationship is progressive in some sense: You like each other but you can't really justify it yet (texting/calling/flirting/yadda), hang out (with friends or alone...call it a date i guess), hang out alot (hang more frequently, grab lunch, go on a 'date' here and there, chill/go out with friends together), then eventually acknowledge the relationship in some way.
The only things I'd change now about that process are that I would probably acknowledge what's going on sooner and I'd omit the whole "like each other but cant justify it yet" phase (AKA the 'Being-A-Pussy' phase).
Cliche and cheesy as it sounds, to be in a relationship is to merge a girl in as a part of your life.
So this means she has to fit into your life...so you slowly introduce her in and see if she fits.
(I hope she fits....god forbid you wind up with a fatty...)
- Guest
by Guest » Thu May 07, 2009 1:38 pm
I concur with Lion on this one.
I don't think it's about your frame, or lack thereof. Instead, I think it's more of a 'pushing' issue.
When I think back to all of the bad ass women I've met in my life, like the ones that I decided I wanted to 'run with' for a while, I noticed a very, very specific pattern.
I always found them when I wasn't looking.
I think to my current LTR. I met her the VERY night that I told Ratio that I was going to take a break from picking up chicks. Basically, I was going to stop pushing my Game and just sort of relax and let it flow naturally.
An hour later, the LTR was putty in my hands.
These things just happen bro. Your job is to just be the bad ass guy that we all know.
As far as being too 'PUA-esque' is concerned. I don't think that's the case at all. The fact is that if you apply the core lessons that PU teaches us (confidence, to value ourselves, inner strength, being a fucking man, etc.) to an LTR you'll find that you can greatly manage that relationship better than if you did not possess those PUA skills. So I don't think that's it at all.
The reason why you meet some girls and they only see you as fun, party Ken is that the are fun, party Barbies. The fact is that when you go out, all of the women in that place are there to have a good time. That good time can be defined by a number of things. Sure, meeting a guy is part of that. But, I think most reasonable people understand that the odds are pretty slim that you'll meet someone in a bar and that the two of you will somehow create a beautiful relationship.
It can be done. But, the odds are slight. As such, you're going to look for the person that represents the most fun in the short-term. Immediate gratification. If it works from there it works, if not oh well, I'll hit the bars again to have fun. So, when you guys talk about frames, the frame is already set, by them, that they're looking for the fun party guy because they're the fun, party girl.
The key is to let each other continue to be that person you met in the bar and then let it evolve over time into something else. But, you just have to let it happen. It does it on its own. Again, you're job is to be Smirks. That's it.
Don't you go a changing nothing that's wrong bro.
I don't think it's about your frame, or lack thereof. Instead, I think it's more of a 'pushing' issue.
When I think back to all of the bad ass women I've met in my life, like the ones that I decided I wanted to 'run with' for a while, I noticed a very, very specific pattern.
I always found them when I wasn't looking.
I think to my current LTR. I met her the VERY night that I told Ratio that I was going to take a break from picking up chicks. Basically, I was going to stop pushing my Game and just sort of relax and let it flow naturally.
An hour later, the LTR was putty in my hands.
These things just happen bro. Your job is to just be the bad ass guy that we all know.
As far as being too 'PUA-esque' is concerned. I don't think that's the case at all. The fact is that if you apply the core lessons that PU teaches us (confidence, to value ourselves, inner strength, being a fucking man, etc.) to an LTR you'll find that you can greatly manage that relationship better than if you did not possess those PUA skills. So I don't think that's it at all.
The reason why you meet some girls and they only see you as fun, party Ken is that the are fun, party Barbies. The fact is that when you go out, all of the women in that place are there to have a good time. That good time can be defined by a number of things. Sure, meeting a guy is part of that. But, I think most reasonable people understand that the odds are pretty slim that you'll meet someone in a bar and that the two of you will somehow create a beautiful relationship.
It can be done. But, the odds are slight. As such, you're going to look for the person that represents the most fun in the short-term. Immediate gratification. If it works from there it works, if not oh well, I'll hit the bars again to have fun. So, when you guys talk about frames, the frame is already set, by them, that they're looking for the fun party guy because they're the fun, party girl.
The key is to let each other continue to be that person you met in the bar and then let it evolve over time into something else. But, you just have to let it happen. It does it on its own. Again, you're job is to be Smirks. That's it.
Don't you go a changing nothing that's wrong bro.
- Guest
by Guest » Thu May 07, 2009 2:23 pm
My opinion, nevermind the boyfriend frames or toning it down or up or whatever.
Tell her what you like about her. Be specific. If you know what she likes about herself, use that too (she will agree with you and admire your depth of understanding).
I don't think it's about whether you're a party guy. These girls are probably thinking that you think of them as party girls, and that you will drop them whenever convenient. They want as much of you as they are able to get, but don't want to be discarded when the next shiny object comes along. Establish that you think of them differently, on another plane so to speak, and it will fall into place.
Tell her what you like about her. Be specific. If you know what she likes about herself, use that too (she will agree with you and admire your depth of understanding).
I don't think it's about whether you're a party guy. These girls are probably thinking that you think of them as party girls, and that you will drop them whenever convenient. They want as much of you as they are able to get, but don't want to be discarded when the next shiny object comes along. Establish that you think of them differently, on another plane so to speak, and it will fall into place.
- Guest
by Guest » Tue Aug 04, 2009 11:33 pm
Seduction comes before Relationships
o Whatever you want with a woman, your medium-term goal is to sleep with her.
The last of these might be surprising. A common insight into female sexual behavior is that women will
often delay sex for some time with a man she sees as a potential boyfriend while satisfying physical needs
with another man or other men in the meantime.
While this is true, it does not mean that the man who is “dating and waiting†has the best chance of becoming
her boyfriend. Very little builds as much intimacy with a woman as repeated sexual encounters. Sleep
with her first, and then concentrate on showing her you’d be a good boyfriend rather than showing her
you’d be a good boyfriend and then trying to sleep with her. Got this from magic bullets and it reminded me of your post. In regards to sleeping with the girl or not...what you do works keep working it. Also the other part i wanted to ppost is
A further insight concerns the principle of emotional momentum. Emotional momentum explains why
most interactions need to move forward or die. You can’t stay in any particular phase forever. It will
bore or frustrate most women. Even within a phase, you need to be moving forward. Even if you had a
great three hours meeting a woman at a party and you made it all the way to the Comfort phase, if the next
two weeks consisted of both of you unluckily leaving messages on each other’s voicemail, you will likely lose
emotional momentum. Emotional momentum can work against you through no fault of your own.
o Whatever you want with a woman, your medium-term goal is to sleep with her.
The last of these might be surprising. A common insight into female sexual behavior is that women will
often delay sex for some time with a man she sees as a potential boyfriend while satisfying physical needs
with another man or other men in the meantime.
While this is true, it does not mean that the man who is “dating and waiting†has the best chance of becoming
her boyfriend. Very little builds as much intimacy with a woman as repeated sexual encounters. Sleep
with her first, and then concentrate on showing her you’d be a good boyfriend rather than showing her
you’d be a good boyfriend and then trying to sleep with her. Got this from magic bullets and it reminded me of your post. In regards to sleeping with the girl or not...what you do works keep working it. Also the other part i wanted to ppost is
A further insight concerns the principle of emotional momentum. Emotional momentum explains why
most interactions need to move forward or die. You can’t stay in any particular phase forever. It will
bore or frustrate most women. Even within a phase, you need to be moving forward. Even if you had a
great three hours meeting a woman at a party and you made it all the way to the Comfort phase, if the next
two weeks consisted of both of you unluckily leaving messages on each other’s voicemail, you will likely lose
emotional momentum. Emotional momentum can work against you through no fault of your own.
- Guest
by Guest » Thu Aug 06, 2009 3:07 pm
Carmel, not only is this resurrecting a very old thread, but your post is a quote from another source, and not your words.
If you want to say, "Here is something I found useful..." followed by a quote, that's okay. But don't pass off someone else's stuff as your own.
If you want to say, "Here is something I found useful..." followed by a quote, that's okay. But don't pass off someone else's stuff as your own.
- Guest
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