The Curse of the One Month Marker

[Guest]

I’m Cursed

Evening Gentlemen,
I have an issue that I have been struggling with for quite some time. I have put much thought in to it, ran my problem by a select few members of this community, ran this by a trusted female friend who has little knowledge of the community…and have yet to find any advice on how to work through this and finally start getting on with my personal life.
I’ve been in the community for quite some time. I put my nose to the grind stone and hammered the ideologies, techniques, and concepts of the ‘gurus’ I have come to respect. Long story short, I did the work…and now succeed way more than I ever thought possible for myself with women I never imagined I’d be with. I can pull girls from websites (FB,MySpace, PoF), I can seduce the hot friends of my friends, I can approach beautiful strangers in a bar regardless of her entourage’s size…but it only goes so far.

This is a problem that has been affecting me for all of my life in some form or another. I’ve had three relationships lasting more than a year…everything else typically lasts a few weeks. I seem to make up for this lack of emotional attachment by acquiring multiple female friends and getting quite close to them. I don’t regret this, mind you. I personally think that every guy reading this should make a point to have at least ONE close female friend. The things you’ll learn from her go beyond anything you’ll read on any forum. That’s a tangent I don’t need to go off on...

I think I’ve built the suspense up enough here. There is a curse upon me, a curse of the One Month Marker.

I feel like I do and say everything right from the moment we start talking/texting/messaging. I’m a quick-witted smart ass, and I use it to tease, flirt, and build sexual tension in a way that’s subtle and comfortable for the chick. I always come up with different dates to take girls on in hopes of preventing the same outcome. I win the acceptance of every friend of hers that I meet…and have them asking me to come around again long after my curse has struck.

I’ve tried taking things really slow (old habits die hard type thing), I’ve tried going really fast (sweep her off her feet type thing), and I’ve let things progress at what I consider a happy medium between the other two…to no avail. I’d like to clear up a thought that might be buzzing around your head. I’m not trying to turn every girl I get the phone number of in to a girl friend. I’m quite picky in my selection to begin with, so the ratio of gf worthy to not is high. I’m not forcing anything by any means. I firmly believe physical escalation is key in getting to any level of relationships...so that's the same across the board. Some I escalate to sex quickly, others I've waited and built it up before bursting the pleasure bubble...still, no go. : (

I’m getting really tired of meeting and dating great girls for about one month, and then having it either go to shit or just fade out in to a friendship. It happens time and time again, and I feel like I’m on the brink of insanity (read: doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome.) Do you think that these theories, concepts, and general ways of life we adopt in our community break us for serious relationships? I know there are quite a few here that have faded from the community because of a LTR, but how did you make the switch? Am I just putting too much pressure on myself for the relationship to progress when it’s really not in the cards for it to? Am I not doing enough to progress the relationship and they turn in to friendships or whatever due to the lack of attention in the right places? Many of you know me on a deep personal level. I would appreciate any and all advice you have for me to move on from the tiring cycle of dating and fucking. It’s not even that I’m tired of that…I’m actually tired of being with a girl for a month and hoping/feeling it going further and then KABOOM! We’re through.

I’m eternally grateful for any advice I receive to fix this major flaw in my love life.

[Guest]

I will offer you one piece of advice. That is because this is the most powerful thing I have ever seen. Every time I have ever uttered these words the girl wants more.

At some point early on(very early on usually) say "I have no interest in a relationship". This sets up the greatest chase frame in the world.

Every single time I have said this the girl wants more. They chase harder.

Bonus: At some point mention you see/date other girls. This just flames the fire.

Sounds like you are stressing over this a little too much man. Just chill enjoy the women who come around and eventually one will come around who sticks around. Just be thankful that you have the ability to attract all of these girls.

Also just out of curiosity do you think you might be doing something that scares these girls off? I mean really be honest with yourself on this one. Maybe at some point when you are getting a little closer/serious with these girls you change and do something odd.

[Guest]

[quote1241676636=playercool]
Also just out of curiosity do you think you might be doing something that scares these girls off? I mean really be honest with yourself on this one. Maybe at some point when you are getting a little closer/serious with these girls you change and do something odd.
[/quote1241676636]

I thought of this at one point, thought I was running them off by maybe pushing forward too quickly. That's when I slowed down on a few. Same outcome...Different girls move about in different ways, and I think I'm good at reading that. I really can't pinpoint the problem.

[Guest]

Set a boyfriend frame.

I don't think you are minding your frames very well. The problem you run into with trying to go from fuck buddy to BF is you are having to reframe the way she thinks of you, and that, requires a fight most times. Usually something trivial.

What happens is, you probably meet these girls under the pretense, "fun and exciting", life of the party type of deal, and that reads "fuckbuddy" all over it.

Try meeting them that way, or changing it up even, try not being the "party guy". Doesn't mean don't be social, just don't be the go to guy for fun for everyone you meet.

There's nothing wrong with your game, I think it's your life frame that you've painted for yourself and the frame only meshes well with a certain type of girl, "fuckbuddy".

[Guest]

I had a response typed up, FF crashed, and now I'm too pissed to re-type it.

But here's the jist:

Party Boy doesn't settle down and cuddle with his girlfriend...Party Boy goes out, is cooler than you, and always has 30928 friends with him everywhere he goes.

Party Boy has wayyy too many options to settle for just one girl, so Party Boy is down to fuck; but all the girls know (right-off-the-bat) that Party Boy ain't the type who's going to settle down...so expectations get set as such (right-off-the-bat).

[Guest]

So basically I'm needing to tone it down? I'll be the first to admit...I do two things: party and work. Fin and AlphaMo's words hit home...

I just gotta work out what to change to set that frame from the start...

[Guest]

I was thinking the same thing AlphaMo mentioned. You kind of have to back off some of the player/pua/partying ways.

I always read what you post on myspace(blogs, daily comment, etc) and would have to say you do a great job of creating attraction with a lot of your postings. Many times I've read what you've posted and said that was very pua'ish!I imagine its designed that way!?!? lol. ;-) But you might want to tone some of that down if you expect to keep some of these girls for a longer time period.

Girls are weird.........they are initially attracted to the fact that you are desired by other women then at some point flip a switch and decide that its not so cool. However, every now and then remind them that you are highly desired by other women and have options!

After reading what you have posted it turned a light on in my head with a problem my buddy and I have with our strip club game.

We'll go to a stripclub, basically bring the party to them, and show them a great time. We end up being the entertainment, not them. By about the 3rd visit we've got them telling us how fun and attractive we are and that they have never met anybody like us. So my buddy and I try and sort the herd and pick the ones that are date-able. Heres where our game seems to fall on its face. And I think its because we have been branded as "fun sexy party guys". Most would like to date us but have seen how we attract women and decide its safer to stay away. They want to be the only "princess" and know if they are rolling with us there won't be just one princess. We don't create that sense of security/stability most are looking for.

The strippers we do end up having relationships with out side of the club end up being more the "player/party types".

[Guest]

Very true UH. After Fin and AlphaMo said that, I started going through all the shit I do throughout the day...I have a lot to tone down!

[Guest]

I don't think you have to back off of pu at all. I've been around you and one thing u may be forgetting due to liquid on the brain is that you quite often make plans with a girl and flake because you are hanging with us. A girl wants to feel a little appreciation so examine that aspect first.

Second, I do know that you are very open with girls about your involvement in the community. As am I. Learn to sell it to the girls. Most times they are interested with the notion but if it becomes the focal point of your convos or she begins to see your flaws (of which u have none ;)) she will pinpoint them to ur involvement in the community and honestlyon a girls level coaching guys with women sounds like teaching guys how to pick up girls. Its a very tender subject as I'm sure u know.

Also it may be that u spend so much time with pu that u haven't been motivated or inspired lately. Girls love passion and excitement. When they hear honest vision and passion when you talk about or do something, it reveals a certain humanity that can't be faked or rehearsed... or can it ;)

Examine those things, keep ur frames in check. Play a bit more elusive and really examine the appreciation factor. I've had that same sticking point and those are things I came to see/change

[Guest]

Yes, I wasn't advocating backing off, I am saying, "Introduce the Inner Boyfriend".

Your attraction is fine, you just have to make the end goal different.