seeking advice. i want what i cant have.

[Guest]

ive fallen for an engaged woman. her finance is across the country and i think its a horrible idea that she marries him. it is her first (and only) love and she is young. 21. we hang out often and i know that she is into me. she knows that i am into her. this is completely different from my pua / random lays bc she is that good girl you want to keep away from the world (re. madona hor complex mentioned earlier this week) we are "friends" but there is also that understood underlying tension that something more is there. at least in my head there is but i know she feels the same as i am one of the only people she will abandon her studying for and well...she digs me...... should i tell her what i think? i already told her it was a bad idea to get married to that cat, but if she does go through with it it wont be for another 2 years. i contemplated dlv'n her man but i dont know him, dont want to resort to that, and figure he has already messed up as hes in the northeast and will not come down here anytime soon. i want this girl to be happy etc but truly believe she would be more happy w/ me & i as well. i have been waiting for her to slip up and jump ma bones so i cant be made out to be the home wrecker; yet it is not also not my style to let the girl be the agressor. last night there was plenty of kino initiated by both us at an event we attended we talk alot and she know of my promiscuity and razzes me for it yet accepts me and bla bla bla in short shes down..

im not looking for the avoid oneitis advice but more how to handle this suavely....

if fought the idea that im really only into her so, b/c she is unattainable; and i believe that while this probably is true in part, i also know that if she didnt have that ring we would already be together.we have now known each other for 6mo+ and this seems to escalate each time we kick it.

[Guest]

look, she may be an AMAZING woman, but i think you like her so much more just because you "cant" have her. i say take the noble road and just keep it platonic (unless she makes a move, and yea, i know its not your style...). let her be with this douche, and if what you say is true, she'll probably break it off soon enough.

there are hundreds of single women out there that are just as attractive as she is and probably just as cool as she is. why not pick one of the single ladies? why the attached ones?personally, i like to think that i am a good person. i dont intentionally hit on attached women...but if they were to be the agressor, than its a completely different story. it would be game on. maybe im just naive and have this belief that people are good by nature, but i just dont like the idea of hitting on attached women and being a home wrecker...

[Guest]

I think you should be truthful with her.
Sit her down and say "listen HBEngaged, I like you. I have for a while. I do not think in the least that you should marry AFCNortheast. He is not right for you...fill with explanation here and end with something like... keep in mind that I am saying this as a friend and someone that cares about you dearly".


OR
simply get as far as you can physically with her between now and the wedding and make sure she is emotionally attached to you and when you attend her wedding and it gets to the "speak now or forever hold your peace part" stand up and say "I insist you do not marry him for I love you HBEngaged!"


Obviously I want you to do the first one, but the second one would cause a lot of excitement lol

[Guest]

[quote1234154194=magnum]
i already told her it was a bad idea to get married to that cat, but if she does go through with it it wont be for another 2 years.
[/quote1234154194]

[Guest]

Hrmmm...

If I was in your position what would I do...

It is so easy to sit here and tell you ohh man there are so many women out there why this girl? But then I say well maybe this girl is just so badass that is why. If you are not head over heals madly in love with this girl walk away now. Don't make one attempt to get her and ruin her relationship. Only if you really feel like she is the ONE should you proceed. Otherwise you are a cock sucker and will have horrible karma. Just go game some other random girl. Keep her as your friend and accept that is what she is.

First I would not put this other guy down. I would not DLV him. I would maybe even do the opposite. Like intentionally DHV him when you know damn well he really isn't whatever you are DHVing him about. That way she starts to think wait a minute my boyfriend isn't awesome. Reverse psychology so to speak.

I would also continue gaming other girls and if at all possible bring them around her. This could easily spark emotions inside of her causing her to realize she is jealous and wishes she was one of those girls.

This is a process that will take time and not happen overnight. And just think if she never cheats on her boyfriend she is a pretty good catch. If and when they break up she will be right there at your feet ready for more.

[Guest]

I think PC is right on, 100%.

[Guest]

agreed 100% with PC. If its the real deal, give it a shot.

Case in point, I was looking at wedding reception photos on facebook this past week of one that I truly loved, but got away. it still messed with my head.

If its not to the point where you think her poop smells like roses, walk away. a man reaps what he sows.

[Guest]

I don't believe in karma. I say if you want her, do whatever you need to do.

At the end of the day, SHE decides who she wants to be with. YOU can't manipulate her into dumping another guy to be with you.

[b]It's HER decision.[/b]

If you throw it out there and she takes it, she knows the risk, she knows she doesn't have an engagement ring from you and she's already got one from the other guy.

I say tell her how you feel and let HER decide.

Don't kid yourself into thinking that because you are some skilled player that you can make it happen if you decide you want it to happen. It won't happen if SHE doesn't want it to happen.

[Guest]

[quote1234252833=playercool]
If I was in your position what would I do...
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i think you are sage and that i should probably ask you for lottery numbers.
i am reluctant to say that i am in love with her bc i think it is an awesome infatuation at this time yet it is very very rare that i have felt such. actually i believe i am into "the game" because my relationship standards are so high that i simply catch and release.
also i had overlooked this; but my last gf [constantly seeking validation why did i not see this at the time] cheated on her bf with me at the start of the relationship and cheated on me at the end. i vowed never to go into another relationship under those terms. for some though this rule conveniently slipped my mind with this girl.
i shall continue to slow play and keep it platonic yet probably not make myself too available. with regard to the walk away advice i think preventing myself from being constantly available encourage me not to pine over her and also avoid the one way road of hardcore friend zone.
obviously thinking on it much recently, i do not expect her to marry this guy but i believe already feels (and is) rather committed.
i havent let this thwart my lifestyle though if it was to change, it would be for her.

i