i agree with some of the things you say...
..but i think that you can be happy if you find a girl that complements you, a girl that gives you as much value as you give her. im not saying that a relationship is for everyone, but its some peoples nature to want to be in a relationship, whereas others want to bed as many women as possible. it all comes down to what you want and who you are...
having said taht, i dont think that one-itis is such a bad thing, you can learn from it. LTR is not such a bad thing either; assuming that she is the perfect girl for you and is everything you ever wanted in a woman. ill be honest, i have one-itis right now (no, its not that asian chick that i brought out to blackfinn..) and shes a really cool chick. can i find that elsewhere? yes, no, maybe. but i like her and she makes me happy..the real question is whether shes worth the opportunity cost (meeting/fucking other chicks)? i dont know; thats what im trying to figure out...
i think one-itis has such a bad name because it conflicts with the pua "lifestyle." the lifestyle of being a playboy, a ladies man...i have noticed that even the great PUA's will eventually look for that LTR when they have had their thirst filled...i can name 5-6 guys from the lair RIGHT NOW that will back that theory...is that such a bad thing? NO! if theyre happy, thats all taht matters...
but before you can go out and sarge and be efficient, you need to get you emotions in check. if youre sad, or emotionally fucked up in the head over some chick, that will resonate through your game, chicks can sense that. you will not be sucessful. deal with your emotions, and once you learned from the experience, it'll only make you a better PUA...
Dallas PUA
The Pickup Artist Playground
We are all alone
20 posts
• Page 2 of 2 • 1, 2
by Guest » Tue Feb 03, 2009 12:28 am
Don't be emo.
You CAN find a girl to be WITH (not alone) if that's what you want. Don't convince yourself otherwise else you may not ever try.
The second you throw your hands up is the second you fail and accept defeat.
Never accept defeat.
There is nothing wrong with one-itis if you can manage it properly.
The only logical reason to fear 'one-itis' is a fear of what you might lose after having invested so much into one person if you mess up. But, does life not go on if that happens?
More importantly, what if it doesn't happen? What if you do find a girl that you can make it work with...and you aren't alone?
ALL relationships require work.
Nothing is free....you have to work for it in some manner or another.
That includes happiness and companionship.
There is no fairy-tale ending where you can run away with some girl and expect there never to be a disagreement or problems.
It is always up to you to decide if you're going to let a problem interfere with what you want...or if you're going work through it and move on.
You don't have to be alone if you don't want to be.
But you do have to work for what you desire...and there is nothing better than earning something you worked for.
Don't be emo.
You CAN find a girl to be WITH (not alone) if that's what you want. Don't convince yourself otherwise else you may not ever try.
The second you throw your hands up is the second you fail and accept defeat.
Never accept defeat.
There is nothing wrong with one-itis if you can manage it properly.
The only logical reason to fear 'one-itis' is a fear of what you might lose after having invested so much into one person if you mess up. But, does life not go on if that happens?
More importantly, what if it doesn't happen? What if you do find a girl that you can make it work with...and you aren't alone?
ALL relationships require work.
Nothing is free....you have to work for it in some manner or another.
That includes happiness and companionship.
There is no fairy-tale ending where you can run away with some girl and expect there never to be a disagreement or problems.
It is always up to you to decide if you're going to let a problem interfere with what you want...or if you're going work through it and move on.
You don't have to be alone if you don't want to be.
But you do have to work for what you desire...and there is nothing better than earning something you worked for.
Don't be emo.
- Guest
by Guest » Tue Feb 03, 2009 11:05 am
Just/Us has some great points. But, I noticed something in your writing and word usage that really points to the heart of the issue. The formula of your word construction was as follows:
THEY leave ME.
Not true, not true. When it comes to relationships, I have the perspective that it's two individuals coming together to share themselves with each other so as to build something bigger than they were alone. It doesn't matter what the relationship is: co-workers, women, friends, family, etc.
The key is to understand how a healthy relationship is constructed. I like to think that healthy relationships look like an 'H' instead of like an 'A.' In an 'H' frame relationship you have two individuals that build a bridge to each other. The components are very clearly seen:
'l' + '-' + 'l' = 'H'
It's very clear that two individuals have come together and are sharing themselves with each other. It's also very clear that those two individuals are standing up on their own, alone in their own little world, but making connections with people. The connection provides stability and support, and is the source of joy in the relationship. I give, you take, you give, I take, but we feel as if what we give we get back. The connection is not required for you to stand on your own, you can do that on your own. It's a two way street, not an umbilical cord.
Compare that to the 'A' frame relationship:
'/' + '-' + '\' = 'A'
The components are the same, except this time they rely on each other to stand. If you take one of them away, the other falls.
If you understand that you're an individual that shares their live with others, then no one is ever really going to leave you because you're never going to feel as if you fell. Sure, the connection may be gone. And certainly your life will be just a little bit more drab because they aren't around, but you are still standing. Take away the feelings of falling, and it never feels as if someone left.
Now, I'm not implying that you rely on others to stand. But, I think you've hinted to that a little bit. You wouldn't be working on your inner game if it weren't for the idea that sometimes you feel as if you get in the 'A' frame trap. I understand how that works because I've been there too.
PC made a great point as well. In my opinion, only those that are OK with the idea of being alone are never really alone. People want to be around these kinds of people because they know that they won't have anyone needy that they have to care for.
We all bear a heavy cross in this world. There isn't always enough room on our backs for the crosses of others. That's why strong people have such an aversion to getting involved, and the weak are so enthusiastic about getting involved. We see it all the time, needy people seeking the strong, only for the strong to shed the needy when they grow tired of providing seemingly endless support without a whole lot in return.
Become a champion of the individual, a champion of yourself. And, even if you are alone, you'll never FEEL alone.
THEY leave ME.
Not true, not true. When it comes to relationships, I have the perspective that it's two individuals coming together to share themselves with each other so as to build something bigger than they were alone. It doesn't matter what the relationship is: co-workers, women, friends, family, etc.
The key is to understand how a healthy relationship is constructed. I like to think that healthy relationships look like an 'H' instead of like an 'A.' In an 'H' frame relationship you have two individuals that build a bridge to each other. The components are very clearly seen:
'l' + '-' + 'l' = 'H'
It's very clear that two individuals have come together and are sharing themselves with each other. It's also very clear that those two individuals are standing up on their own, alone in their own little world, but making connections with people. The connection provides stability and support, and is the source of joy in the relationship. I give, you take, you give, I take, but we feel as if what we give we get back. The connection is not required for you to stand on your own, you can do that on your own. It's a two way street, not an umbilical cord.
Compare that to the 'A' frame relationship:
'/' + '-' + '\' = 'A'
The components are the same, except this time they rely on each other to stand. If you take one of them away, the other falls.
If you understand that you're an individual that shares their live with others, then no one is ever really going to leave you because you're never going to feel as if you fell. Sure, the connection may be gone. And certainly your life will be just a little bit more drab because they aren't around, but you are still standing. Take away the feelings of falling, and it never feels as if someone left.
Now, I'm not implying that you rely on others to stand. But, I think you've hinted to that a little bit. You wouldn't be working on your inner game if it weren't for the idea that sometimes you feel as if you get in the 'A' frame trap. I understand how that works because I've been there too.
PC made a great point as well. In my opinion, only those that are OK with the idea of being alone are never really alone. People want to be around these kinds of people because they know that they won't have anyone needy that they have to care for.
We all bear a heavy cross in this world. There isn't always enough room on our backs for the crosses of others. That's why strong people have such an aversion to getting involved, and the weak are so enthusiastic about getting involved. We see it all the time, needy people seeking the strong, only for the strong to shed the needy when they grow tired of providing seemingly endless support without a whole lot in return.
Become a champion of the individual, a champion of yourself. And, even if you are alone, you'll never FEEL alone.
- Guest
by Guest » Tue Feb 03, 2009 11:29 am
Damn BR you stole my thunder! I was just about to say I noticed that a repeated theme in that post was people leaving him -- but the opposite also happens. You leave others. You part ways with friends over time. You leave women at some point (if you never left a woman, you are either incredibly lucky picking good women or you're needy haha).
I don't think the theory of identifying what you like in a special someone can work... because the thing you like in the 'one-itis' is not something you can ever give yourself -- it's a special bond/feeling you share with someone else besides yourself. There are two main reasons I think people hold on to the one-itis: one is neediness for some people it is true. But the other is just the realization that special people who come into your life are hard to find. The more women you meet the more true you realize that is you can find/meet/hookup with lots of women but it's rare to find ones you really care about and that are truly special. As a PUA if you're good you may be able to go hook up with a girl almost any night of the week... but you can't find that special girl any night of the week. That's why we value it when we find it (and sometimes lose our perspective).
You can't create that for yourself -- but you can be a person who can be happy though without needing that in your life to be happy.
PC - I hope you find the right girl... you're pretty picky which is good so hopefully you'll make the right choice :) But believe me, if you choose the wrong girl -- you WILL believe in divorce :) I don't believe in divorce -- but I don't believe in being miserable the rest of your life either if you make a mistake.
I don't think the theory of identifying what you like in a special someone can work... because the thing you like in the 'one-itis' is not something you can ever give yourself -- it's a special bond/feeling you share with someone else besides yourself. There are two main reasons I think people hold on to the one-itis: one is neediness for some people it is true. But the other is just the realization that special people who come into your life are hard to find. The more women you meet the more true you realize that is you can find/meet/hookup with lots of women but it's rare to find ones you really care about and that are truly special. As a PUA if you're good you may be able to go hook up with a girl almost any night of the week... but you can't find that special girl any night of the week. That's why we value it when we find it (and sometimes lose our perspective).
You can't create that for yourself -- but you can be a person who can be happy though without needing that in your life to be happy.
PC - I hope you find the right girl... you're pretty picky which is good so hopefully you'll make the right choice :) But believe me, if you choose the wrong girl -- you WILL believe in divorce :) I don't believe in divorce -- but I don't believe in being miserable the rest of your life either if you make a mistake.
- Guest
by Guest » Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:41 pm
you may be interested in checking these out in this order.
recognizing their co-relation and drawing my conclusion has been good for me. i can elaborate but i will let you connect the dots.
[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_theory[/url]
[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prisoner%27s_dilemma[/url]
[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruism[/url]
true altruism will dig yourself a grave. i opt to look out for my family and friends. i have the frontier mentality and firmly believe that if you dream it you can achieve it. i have decided to be successful and am. however if its ALWayS all about you, you shall have no friends and be empty. its all about trying to find a balance.
dont turn emo.
recognizing their co-relation and drawing my conclusion has been good for me. i can elaborate but i will let you connect the dots.
[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_theory[/url]
[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prisoner%27s_dilemma[/url]
[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruism[/url]
true altruism will dig yourself a grave. i opt to look out for my family and friends. i have the frontier mentality and firmly believe that if you dream it you can achieve it. i have decided to be successful and am. however if its ALWayS all about you, you shall have no friends and be empty. its all about trying to find a balance.
dont turn emo.
- Guest
by Guest » Wed Feb 04, 2009 10:22 pm
Why love a pet when you know its going to die? Why devote your youth to a sport when you have to quit at a certain age? Why be friends with someone when you know they could move away and you will never see them again? Thats life dude and sometimes it doesn't go as planned but you can't live sheltered or you wont experience anything. Women are the most beautiful creatures on the planet and as PC said there are somethings you just can't feel without them BUT the same goes for them. They need a man to complete their life as well. I love women and a great relationship is a badass feeling even if it doesn't last forever its worth the ride just like that cute puppy that will die before you do, Its worth the years of companionship you will have with it.
- Guest
by Guest » Sun Feb 08, 2009 5:31 pm
Touche' Kaisen.
Be the Best that YOU can be-alone.
Use others (friends, family, chicks) as your supplements to enhance your life.
And I bet I'm not the only one who didn't believe in Divorce either-but as they say it takes two!...But guess what-like Kaisen and others have said-life's not fair, dont count on others completely. You must be able to stand alone, like BR's H description.
And as Just Us said when this began, you can only count on yourself, you can only rely completyely on yourself. So be a one sided "H", with something protruding from the middle!!!
hahahaha
Be the Best that YOU can be-alone.
Use others (friends, family, chicks) as your supplements to enhance your life.
And I bet I'm not the only one who didn't believe in Divorce either-but as they say it takes two!...But guess what-like Kaisen and others have said-life's not fair, dont count on others completely. You must be able to stand alone, like BR's H description.
And as Just Us said when this began, you can only count on yourself, you can only rely completyely on yourself. So be a one sided "H", with something protruding from the middle!!!
hahahaha
- Guest
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