Reactiveness

[Guest]

I did not invent the ideas discussed herein. These principles are well known and well documented by others. What I want to do is merely reflect on the topic as well as my own personal in-field experiences. Hopefully others will interject (which people tend not to do in my threads .. ?).

Reactiveness is a central concept - one of the most important if not THE most important. Even the budding new "PUA" - fresh off the boat so to speak - has typically read some of the basic advice. "Be the prize", "Be willing to walk away", etc. .. add any other number of catchy phrases. But what does it all really mean?

The basic premise :-
[b]In any given social interaction one person will [usually] be reacting more [to the other person].[/b]

YOU <-- ** reacting ** --> HER

I don't know about you guys but when I started out in all of this I was a reacting machine. Put me in a busy bar/club and I was anything but in my own comfortable little world. I realized very early on that my brain - my hard wired instincts - were the culprit. This caused my BL to be reactive and therefore diminished my value - both to women who otherwise might have considered me attractive and in general.

A hot girl walked by .. I looked. Girl wants to pass through the crowd via our group .. I'd smile and politely move out of the way. The list goes on and on. If I was physically touched by a girl (key point) my body reacted, almost without me having any control. I won't go into detail with specific examples on this public forum but you get the point. There are primal reasons for this.

Picture a person who has value bestowed by situational circumstance. E.g. a club host, celebrity, HOT CHICKS IN A CLUB... It is all situational however the value is real and displayed by people REACTING to them and them being UNREACTIVE back (in the context meaning not necessarily rude but playing to the role). Example as per Tyler is the creepy Denny's manager who has fucked 75% of the waitresses on shift. An example from me might be David Kraddick, local radio person, up in the VIP at Aura. The concept is the same. In both examples the value is entirely based in reactiveness.

** side note: Understand I am not saying it is ideal to become "blanket unreactive" in all social situations. It is definitely better than blanket "reactive" and can work initially to break the habit but the skill is way more subtle. I hate to say this but you have to go out and practice, practice, practice. Never give anything value without good reason (benefits you). You can watch this in action at any club any time. Watch the hot girls and the value bestowed to them by guys "reacting" .. I could point it out to any one of you in any busy bar. Be the hot girl. **

My own personal practice came in [progressively more] uncomfortable venues. Initally I was just trying to get my head to stop reacting to all the information shooting about. To filter out the useless and *bad* fears that manifested from being in such environments without situational value.. This was stage 1 for me. It was hard work and painful at first. Very uncomfortable and the internal voice is in a paranoid frenzy. But you are in control end of the day.

Ironically (and logically) I was able to tell when I improved by how others reacted to ME, in particular women. I might have gotten early clues from a situation where before I would have reacted to a random girl or group in my vicinity and instead I recognized the feelings/fears/whatever and just slightly turned my BL away or whatever. Now I was able to see how she reacted TO ME. The results were staggering. To the point where all openers now are basically off the cuff and unreactive to key targets (men or women).

Experience has proven to me that this attacts women. No doubt about it. Just for an experiment try this some time. When a girl you just met grabs your arm don't react. Don't give it a thought at all. Imagine your mum is grabbing your arm. Don't pull it away or move in or do anything. Just be unreactive and MAKE HER WORK .... in a charming way. Easier said than done I know. It took me forever to get it right.

[Guest]

Another perspective from Mr.M, who obviously knows more than me.

[url]http://www.theattractionforums.com/mr-m/84837-inner-game-secret-attractive-reactiveness.html[/url]

He makes particularly good points about how to take this advice the right way..

"Consequently, while the principle of unreactiveness is useful, it requires a lot more finesse."

[Guest]

Welsh, my friend....the reason we don't interject much is because you normally cover 99.9% of the topic in your post! I've always read every bit of your posts whether I respond or not.

[Guest]

Good post, makes a lot of sense when you think about it.

I've always thought that unreactiveness was being rude. For instance, I've always hated being in a venue around women that are very obviously vying for attention. A great example is the weekend tongue warriors. Two chicks make out in public and every man in the venue goes nuts. I find it disgusting (not the making out part understand) but the fact that they're more than likely really doing it for attention. This is the same reason I hate strip clubs and booty clubs.

I find the entire sub-culture of 'hey look at me' to be a bit sad and pathetic. So, I've always tried to be unresponsive in the presence of said activity.

But, and I think it's important to elaborate on this further, the source of my unresponsiveness was disdain. This is where I think you start to run into problems with being unreactive. The source has got to be positive in connotation. For example, you're unresponsive because what you're seeing is really no big deal to you because you've seen it before, will see it again, simply don't find it to be impressive, whatever.

When I'm being unreactive out of disdain, I'm perceived to be a person casting judgment.

When I'm being unreactive because what I'm seeing just isn't that big of a deal, then I'm perceived to be a person that respects themselves and only bestows value when it's reciprocated.

As subtle as it may seem, there is a huge difference in the way your thought process is projected by your BL.

Anyway, good post. This has been one of the more insightful posts I've read in a while. Really helped me put the pieces together a little better.

[Guest]

Cheers to smirks for that

I was re-reading my post and I realized that a lot of the bl involved in this skill revolves around eye contact. They always try and get you to look at them so they can assess you. The best example is when you are talking to a dude in a random set and a girl interjects or touches you. Keep talking to the dude and be unreactive to her (not rude). Kind of act like you can't have more than one conversation at once. Like the dude is your new best friend (pick alpha guy) as he plays soccer or went to England or whatever shit. This is a good example that works I can think of. When you finally relent and give her attention it will be way more powerful.

[Guest]

[Guest]

[quote1233270801=Bull Run]
When I'm being unreactive out of disdain, I'm perceived to be a person casting judgment.
[/quote1233270801]

Big point there. IMO do everything possible to convey yourself as non judgemental. If you want her to trust you (=needed for sex). This is a huge thing for women. I think it may be a screen for needy controlling guys.

Also want to add that when you hook a girl this way it is usually money. The best part is u don't really even have to do anything. Just chat to people in an unreactive manner. I hypothesize the women don't expect this kind thing so they play cards they would not have otherwise played.

[Guest]

Good post.

I see this and consciously apply this all the time.

When i head to the bathroom, I intentionally withhold eye contact as I move through the crowd passing by girls. By withholding that eye contact, and not actively seeking eye contact, being unreactive to hotties, if they are interested, it actually spikes them for when I come back through that they will do something more overt to get my attention. Ie instead of me being reactive to them, by actually being UNREACTIVE to them(which they don't get often) it causes them to take that extra step.

Just sit back sometime at a bar and watch how many AFC just give massive eye contact around the room checking out women. It's one of the easiest steps a newbie can take to start to improve image by stopping that.

[Guest]

I loooooooove eye contavt flirts. 100% guarantee closes if you know what you're doing. look forward to info on this!

[Guest]

I don't even remember writing this. I was whiskey drunk in a hotel bar...I shouldn't be allowed a phone when drunk.