I preached against it here and did it anyway

[Guest]

Last September, I took on an exclusive girlfriend. Then I dumped her on Thanksgiving.

I gotta tell you, my game (what game???) is completely in the trash now. I used the girlfriend as a convenient excuse to not approach other women.

Approach anxiety has taken root and I HOPE I can get it under control. I'm like a scared little boy.

I think I completely forgot about qualification or I otherwise thought it would come off as too rude or ass-like.

I'm just getting over one-itis for a chick that wasn't even that hot. She just happened to be ONLY female option I had for the last month, I "niced out" and she lost attraction for me.

I gotta get it under control. I'm a mess right now.

Don't take on a girlfriend...it's a bitch trying to get back to where you were!!!

[Guest]

I say look at it in a positive note! You did reach a point where you were exclusive with a girl.....many guys on here don't make it that far. You learned a valuable lesson from this relationship and now realize how important it is to maintain that "attraction". I think we have all been guilty of it at some point. lol

Sometimes its good to take a few steps back before you go forward again.

So chalk this up as "experience" and march forward knowing you are a better person because of it.

[Guest]

I have to say, I think I'm in a similar situation. It has been nearly impossible for me to open lately. I used to be a pro at it.

I'm not sure why or how having a girlfriend makes such a difference, but it definitely messed with my head.

If I find a solution I'll let you know. :P

[Guest]

Just drink when you go out. That'll make you say "fuck it, why not?".

[Guest]

You should definetely take it as a learning experience. One of my friends, who works as an instructor for RSD, said to me that as far as social skills go, it takes about 14 days of not practicing, for you skill set to deteriorate. Science confirms it, if you do not practice something for more than 2 weeks you will get worse at it. Good thing is that a couple of hardcore nights in the field will get you in shape in no time. The only solution to this issue is to get out and DO IT.

[Guest]

ha gent im in the same ship. i had a hella tumultous one that ended months ago and with the exceptions of a few rebounds im just now getting back into my true comfort zone. i chalk it up to life and im hella glad im living it.
regardless,
if only i had known then what i know now

uno its like riding a bike though and my short philosophy here which "we" may or may not agree with is that game doesnt exist. i dont go out and "spit game" as i find such clarification to be both disrespectful to the beaches and to myself. i just try to be my best self and this forum / social psychology resource can be used to better culture and acutalize oneself...
point is alpha, some shit takes time to deal with and its life. welcome back to the social scene and remember to never change for someone else.

[Guest]

++++i dont go out and "spit game" as i find such clarification to be both disrespectful to the beaches and to myself.++++

I agree. I hate the term Pickup Artist. That sounds so creepy. I don't even like the term "game" but there is definitely a game being played. We have to approach them, but we can't come off as too try hard. That's a pretty delicate line to walk. Especially since we have to be interesting enough to hold their attention. Trying to approach two hot women who are near each other, trying not to be too try hard (or desperate) and trying to hold their attention in order to get a fair shot...with women you've never met...that's a pretty tall order for any guy.

But I will say, fear of the approach is real. It takes some balls to approach a two set of beautiful women. Its way easier to approach a woman when she's alone, but the problem is, women of beauty are almost NEVER alone in social situations. Which leaves day game, which also means no alcohol as a crutch in day game, which for me has always meant no approach.

I'm like a scared little boy. It's never been good, but it's worse now than it was before the exclusive girlfriend.

[Guest]

A steady girlfriend should never make you so complacent that you stop bettering yourself as a person. If you're a social person or you strive to be a social person then you should make efforts to continue to be social even though you're in a relationship. This means meeting new people and making new friends, for sure (both male and female).

[Guest]

++++A steady girlfriend should never make you so complacent that you stop bettering yourself as a person.++++

I agree, but we are human and we do what humans do. Look at all the married men on this planet and think to yourself, just based on his appearance alone, did this guy check out of the game, did he check out of life, because he finally found a woman who'd have him?

Ulitmately, I think the answer for most married men is, absolutely.

I'm reading a new book about relationships (I know, that sounds weird to a guy, doesn't it?). Anyway, the author talks about how men, when we are trying to get to the point with a woman where we'd have the option of making her our girlfriend if we so choose, when we're in that "stage" of a relationship, we listen to her when she talks. We talk to her. We make eye contact with her and show interest. We do things to make her think we care about her. Once we get her exclusively, most men make the mistake of no longer talking to her and listening to her. We tune them out to watch the game. We no longer take them out to cool places and events. We feel that the challenge has been conquered and start to fuck things up.

We're only human. It's in our nature to be less of an alpha male once we find a woman who'll have us. The challenge is to figure out how to conquer the challenge and not allow that achievement to conquer us. I'm not man enough to make that happen. Not yet. I've still got a long way to go. Honestly, I'm not ready for a relationship.

[Guest]

Hey man, this works both ways. Don't put all that shit on the man in a relationship. When a woman is homing in on a relationship, she's more willing to have sex with the man, she's more willing to go out of her way to do things for him, etc. Once she has him, that all stops. It's human nature to no longer want that which we have, men and women alike.

The key is to not let the things you have affect who you are. Once you've conquered a woman, find something else to conquer. Too often, we make other people the center of our lives. The reality is that we live our lives, we walk our path, and we surround ourselves with others that want to be a part of us.

The grass is always greener on the other side, but if you're happy with who you are and what you're capable of then the grass is green on both sides.