open discussion: all my self doubt, anxiety, and deprecation embodied by approach anxiety

[Guest]

Have we collectively denounced psychology / cognitive therapy? I think about (with no shame) the 4-years and thousands of dollar I spent throwing cash out to doctors to talk about my problems, and never put forth the energy to do anything about it. Then, after about 2-days of talking to the guys here, I got over myself if only just for a few minutes.


Methinks I need to get over this bullshit abandonment which most likely came from 4-different step-fathers and a whacked out mom. I subconsciously expect women to flip wig and "pull my pants down" and make me feel like shit in general. This is like some fucked up "mommy dearest" garbage, lol.

I guess I should have hit on this chick in the gym. You should have seen it...5'6" or so trainer, brunette, big shoulder-to-shoulder tat, dumpy butt, D boobs, kicking the shit out of a punching bag higher than her head. I still need to get it through my head that its not "wrong" for me to talk to a women because I think she's pretty.

I need to get the indifference and perspective back, in my head.

[Guest]

I should add something else that's really getting to me.

I'm supposed to go on another 2-week wine-trip again. I need a suitable companion or I'm going to be really bored. I guess the race is on...time to change that energy to something constructive.

/soliloquy

[Guest]

Reading your past soccer event.. Rang true with me..I beat myself up also.. I have a theory about inner game..
I would like to post.. I'm stuck at trying to reverse my old programming and replace with new. Any ideas - Basically positive brainwashing..



I have the same problems..
Warning **** These are only my opinions here***

Approach anxiety and Inner game..Theory

Inner Game is Self Talk...
Your inner dialogue
What you say to yourself...
Consciously and unconsciously

Self talk is your mind...

Everything you see and hear is filtered by your mind...
In short :

Your Mind filters your reality...

Your filter could be Negative...Positive.. or..?? depending on your belief system and situation

your earlier life experiences became the basis of your beliefs (much younger.. like childhood)

I guess in my case were.. Negative...

Your mind will take what you see and hear and make it fit your beliefs
whether its 100% true or not... (Think about that for a minute.. whether its true or not..Your mind only cares about [u] your [/u] beliefs) This is very self limiting..

So your mind filters your reality in the negative ... (this is really over simplified and doesn't apply to every situation.. I'm sure you have positive beliefs also)

So anything you view.. more over anything you view about yourself is slanted by your filter...
Which in my case.. and this subject ... is negative..
(she won't like me, ill get blown out, i'm a fuck up , i can't do this etc..)


How do we solve this problem... ?? (I'm trying/testing anything that seems plausible)

Difficult.. your mind has a bad habit of thinking (filtering) in the negative

You have to reverse it - or rewrite new information that will override the old..
To rewrite it .. you need to become conscious of your thoughts..
you have to control your mind?

Which is probably running wild same as mine...

Meditation .. is about getting control of your thoughts becoming conscious of them and stilling your mind.. (this is suppose to lead to enlightenment and seeing reality without a filter)
Check out Holosync..

Your mind has a bad habit...
ever tried to break a bad habit?
It will fight for its existence .. (That’s why there's no magic pill..) And the reason why you can have some temporary success and fall back in to your old ways of thinking..


How do we change all of ours minds negative programming.. Your past memory's..
Or add in new ones that will over power your old ones..

Can we change - I Believe you can do it...
Reverse programming… How - I guess this is a type of positive brainwashing

Ok.. I believe what you hold in your mind.. Your leading thoughts .. Your mind will help you go out and achieve them. Nothing mystical here ..(not the secret) Just basic goal setting..


So I’m planting the thoughts daily i'm trying to achieve two three times a day.
writing my goals in the positive and reviewing them twice a day..

I think this is one way.. Not a very fast method either.. But I feel resolve is going to take work because it took years of past events to form your beliefs system so its going to take work to undue this..

When you notice a negative thought. You stop it and replace it with a positive one.
Check out
“Be Set Free Fast “BSFF”.. But that only worked a little for me.. It will at least help you get an idea of what you’re dealing with.. In terms of fighting with your mind..

One thing I’ve tried that kind of worked .. I made a list of every fucked up event that ever happened to me all the way back to kindergarten..
Then went line item ..read each and visualized what had happened .
Told myself I loved myself and forgive myself for letting this happen
and it was ok to let the event go cause I learned what I needed from it..an pictured the event leaving..fading away
Some of them I had to do a couple of times..
But it did release the negative charge about the event..
(meaning when i go back and think about this event it almost seems like it happened to someone else.. I don't get .. well emotional about it and relive it..)

Reprogramming through hypnosis - or NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) - I've heard a lot of good things about NLP so.. (Richard Bandler/John Grinder, Tony Robbins and others)

Now I’m adding my goal list to NLP from Hypnotica... Using his confidence cd course.. My goal list has a little to-do with PU.. But it has like 10 pages of reverse.. programming in the positive.. One thing about writing goals...

the difference between positive and negative.. You can’t say
I don’t want fear... Your subconscious mind only hears fear and gives you more of it.. You have to say something opposite in the positive... Like
I am courageous and confident..I see the positive in everything etc..


So You got negative shit in your head by negative emotional repetitive events..
So I guess to change it ..


You'll have to do repetitive positive emotional events... Either in real life.. or??? Maybe creating mental movies of your being the person you want.. with emotion...
They say your brain doesn’t know the difference... My goal writing does fall short of this.. but I know goal writing does work so..

Any ideas ????????

[Guest]

The best way to get over AA is to go out and approach without any intent on closing or anything.

What you should do is 3 times a week go out for a couple of hours and make it a point to talk to EVERYONE. This means dont focus on if its a girl, or even a hot one. Talk to guys, talk to old people, be social without having to focus on knowing what to say to get the number.

This will cause you to realize that AA is all just fear of rejection. How can you get rejected if all you are doing is saying "Hey, how are you?" Now with the fear of approaching gone, the fear of rejection slips away, allowing you to take approaching to a strictly women realm.

[Guest]

i agree skepsis .. I would like to add this bit of info..

I went out a did approaches for about 4-5 months for approx 4-5 days a week.. Good Times !!

But my old negative self talk /fears keep coming up after not going out in a while.
(These fears aren't rational think about it.. I'm scared to talk to girl) WTF?? Huuh??
Beliefs from when i was a kid is running my life now as an adult?



I will agree my AA is nothing like it was. But I think there's a root cause there that needs to be addressed. Something deeper..

Mystery says its hard wired.. I'm not 100% on this.

I know guys who at least seem not to have or very little fear if at all.


I think its because of all the positive past success.. they've had from when they were young. There belief system got the right info for them when it was being created. ..
(This is something to think about if you have kids..)

They say your belief system is formed in the earlier years of life to keep you safe.
So your running out dated programming .. just to keep you safe. It was needed maybe when you were a child but now it causing issues in your adult life..

I guess what I'm trying to say.. It affects atleast for me more than just approaches.. It affects everything in my life on some level..

Think of it this way.. If your mind will help you go out an achieve in life. And you mind is not right or your thoughts aren't right( limiting negative self talk ).. what will you achieve? or what will you talk yourself out of.. because of negative thoughts? How far will you go??.. How far could you have gone..
Self limiting ..

Imo..I guess I feel like there is a root cause..its your negative beliefs about yourself.. caused by fucked up childhood events.. (other mean kids, bad parenting, earlier failure at a soccer game, getting embarrassed on the playground, getting rejected at age 8 by a girl,or whatever etc) it's now affecting me as an adult.. Possibly limiting me as a successful person .. The more i think about it.. the more it pisses me off..


This reminds me of captive Elephants.. when they are young they tie a small rope around their leg to keep them from getting away.. When they reach adult age they could break this rope in a second.. but they don't because their child hood belief system.. keeps them thinking they cant..

[Guest]

I like the "outdated programming" analogy. That's something I need to internalize because when I talk to women, I still feel like a little kid speaking to a scary adult.

DHV-ing is the hardest mental hurdle for me to feel I've conquered, because for some reason I refuse to acknowledge IOI's.
There are a select few men in proximity who the women want, and they're not really human. They are 6'4"/240lb/7%bfi, rich, driving an exotic, better shoes, more wine knowledge, better this, better that...Its like every women is compromising on each guy they acknowledge is a compromise aside from a select few. There is no reason they wouldn't "next" me for the next best thing, at any time...instantly. I suppose thats a risk I have to learn to accept.

[Guest]

Wow never seen this side of you before IC :) I always assumed you were a confidence machine from your previous posts hahaha.

I think your perspective is a little off -- do those guys you mentioned exist? There are a few in this world, but very many? Not really. How many of those men are actually decent human beings? Odds are not the majority. I definitely have some big inner game issues i'm working on overcoming, but the one thing I do have is a belief that my better qualities really are awesome and set me above most guys out there. Those guys you mention? Yeah I'd probably feel the same way as far as why would a particular girl not next over to him... but you just can't think like that it's a limiting belief and it's not necessarily true. Women are strange, strange creatures. It really isn't always about who is the absolutely best looking, highest status guy. They have particular things that push their buttons and they're winnable. That select few guy? Probably a big ass douchebag. Fuck him.

Does it really matter that those men exist? Only if you're outcome dependent and set on one particular woman possibly. There aren't enough of those guys for you to be concerned about. Maybe there's a 10 you're after that that d-bag is gonna get and you're not... but there are plenty of other women.

PS - love the new avatar.

How many of those women in your proximity really think they are going to get that guy, or that they even deserve him? Probably very few.

[Guest]

sometimes I kill, sometimes I fail.

[Guest]

I think you're forgetting the many intangibles that go into attraction. Honestly, the -- what is attractive on paper profile of the ideal mate is almost never what you end up attracted to. There tons of physically attractive women that i would not give a 2nd date to because there is not the chemistry or intellectual depth, or this or that to. Same with women to men. These bubble gum barbi girls at the dallas nightclubs, while i may have wanted that at one point in might life, don't hold the least bit of attraction to me at this point in my life.

We try to break this stuff down into black and white, but attraction is a very much intangible entity. The community tries to identify certain aspects to attraction....and to an extent it does do a very good job at identifying initial attraction switches...but after a Day2 or Day3 i really thing it's more of an interpersonal chemistry that is either there or not. Now, there are STILL VERY important aspects after that, the community has identified to keep that attraction alive, but when you are really talking about true chemistry at the 'next level' it's way past those facade type of characteristics... IMHO.

put yourself out there with the skills that you've learned and the cards fall were they may. Regret the things you do, not the things you don't. I've kicked myself (and still do ) for not putting myself out there at certain points in my past with certain women. It just doesn't matter one bit after the fact.

[Guest]

here here TD