older PUAs: becoming a hard ass... on love/marriage/PU/etc

[Guest]

[quote1225990278=Smirks]
[quote1225987666=playercool]
[quote1225982415=carmel]
I think every girl has something about them that is special. And as a PUA we tend to over look these things because we have a lot of options. I guess my question or challenge to you, is how much do you really know about these girls. Do you as Fenix wrote, treat it as a business transaction, OR do you truely get to know the person and leave them as they say better than when they met you?
[/quote1225982415]

I agree every girl probably has something special about her.

But what we are finding are all the negatives that we didn't before. We find them because we have so many options. Without options you either overlook the negatives, or you just choose to look the other way.

Every girl is going to have some flaws. I just want to find the one with the least amount and the most going for her.




[/quote1225987666]

How do you find this out when moving on to the next thing so quickly?

[/quote1225990278]

Because I am a superficial asshole.

Say you are dating a girl. It doesn't take long to see her true side. Or see her internal and external flaws. It could take one date it could take two months. Either way they usually surface quickly. And if they don't well...that is a girl who you spend more time with.

[Guest]

[quote1225997942=playercool]
[quote1225990278=Smirks]
[quote1225987666=playercool]
[quote1225982415=carmel]
I think every girl has something about them that is special. And as a PUA we tend to over look these things because we have a lot of options. I guess my question or challenge to you, is how much do you really know about these girls. Do you as Fenix wrote, treat it as a business transaction, OR do you truely get to know the person and leave them as they say better than when they met you?
[/quote1225982415]

I agree every girl probably has something special about her.

But what we are finding are all the negatives that we didn't before. We find them because we have so many options. Without options you either overlook the negatives, or you just choose to look the other way.

Every girl is going to have some flaws. I just want to find the one with the least amount and the most going for her.




[/quote1225987666]

How do you find this out when moving on to the next thing so quickly?

[/quote1225990278]

Because I am a superficial asshole.

Say you are dating a girl. It doesn't take long to see her true side. Or see her internal and external flaws. It could take one date it could take two months. Either way they usually surface quickly. And if they don't well...that is a girl who you spend more time with.



[/quote1225997942]

I kinda disagree. For the most part, it seems to take longer to see a person's true self...and their values and flaws...orrrrrrr perhaps I'm just dense and don't realize them right off the bat!

[Guest]

I think it's pretty simple. There are three possibilities in this whole game. One: you keep gaming and moving from one girl to the next cause that's what makes you happy. has nothing to do with being scared to open up. Two: You open up with some or one of the girls you game and go from semi-ltr to semi-ltr never quite getting the game out of your head. Three: You come across a girl that simply blows you away. I mean all the way down to the core and you remember the aspects and principles of the game in trying to attract her, but you lose the desire to be with anyone else because this girl rocks your world and you're happy with that.

[Guest]

[quote1226008465=Smirks]
[quote1225997942=playercool]
[quote1225990278=Smirks]
[quote1225987666=playercool]
[quote1225982415=carmel]
I think every girl has something about them that is special. And as a PUA we tend to over look these things because we have a lot of options. I guess my question or challenge to you, is how much do you really know about these girls. Do you as Fenix wrote, treat it as a business transaction, OR do you truely get to know the person and leave them as they say better than when they met you?
[/quote1225982415]

I agree every girl probably has something special about her.

But what we are finding are all the negatives that we didn't before. We find them because we have so many options. Without options you either overlook the negatives, or you just choose to look the other way.

Every girl is going to have some flaws. I just want to find the one with the least amount and the most going for her.




[/quote1225987666]

How do you find this out when moving on to the next thing so quickly?

[/quote1225990278]

Because I am a superficial asshole.

Say you are dating a girl. It doesn't take long to see her true side. Or see her internal and external flaws. It could take one date it could take two months. Either way they usually surface quickly. And if they don't well...that is a girl who you spend more time with.



[/quote1225997942]

I kinda disagree. For the most part, it seems to take longer to see a person's true self...and their values and flaws...orrrrrrr perhaps I'm just dense and don't realize them right off the bat!
[/quote1226008465]

Everyone will have their own timeline on how long it will take.

I am probably in a different position then you are Smirks(I would like to be married within the next 18 months).

See there are basically three girls out there right now.

The ones that I would have sex with and that is pretty much it.
The ones that I would have sex with and maybe date a little but I know it will never be serious.
Then the girl that I want something more with. The girl that I might want to settle down with.

Now that last category is very rare. So rare in fact that no girl this year has been placed into that category. Yes I am being very picky but when you think that you want to spend the rest of your life with one girl she better be pretty good.

[Guest]

PC unless you meet her in the next 6 months you're not going to make your deadline... you should be with a chick at least a year before you marry her. Things tend to change around the 6-12 month mark even in relationships you think are marriage material... unless you've been with them at least a year and still think it's someone you'd want to marry you're playing a very risky game that those of us divorced folks will tell you is no fucking fun ;) I'm just sayin... ;)

[Guest]

[quote1226027046=JJE]
PC unless you meet her in the next 6 months you're not going to make your deadline... you should be with a chick at least a year before you marry her. Things tend to change around the 6-12 month mark even in relationships you think are marriage material... unless you've been with them at least a year and still think it's someone you'd want to marry you're playing a very risky game that those of us divorced folks will tell you is no fucking fun ;) I'm just sayin... ;)
[/quote1226027046]

That is precisely why I say 18 months. You read my mind on the year mark. I want to date a chick for a year before I say I DO. I would actually prefer to live with her for a while even before that.

[Guest]

you guys talk about love like its static. When its dynamic just like the art of pick up the relationship and love is dynamic and always changing. As we try to evolve and grow ourselves, women arent simply staying the same. They constantly evolve too, a relationship that works takes work and effort. You dont just wake up and say i dont love you anymore, you grow apart because you grow as people in different directions. I think peoples perspectives are skewed when it comes to love and relationships. A person who is newly married and says i love you, doesnt mean much to me, my grandparents who have been married since dinasours roamed the earth is different. They have learned to love and change together. That is why different cultures have lower divorce rates because women are told by their parents you have to stick by your man when he does something. Just like you would stick by ur wing in a bar. Maybe you have more growth to do as a person before your ready for this type of relationship or maybe im just dead wrong and love is a chemichal reation of the body that is bound to wear off over time.

[Guest]

[quote1226325000=TopDog]
Which brings me to the point. I've dated a ton of really quality women that I think if I crossed paths with at an earlier stage of my life, I probably would have had MUCH stronger feelings for(assuming having the ability to land them which I would NOT have had...), but at this point I don't seem to ever unlock those feelings due to where I have gotten to in PU. I almost feel like i've grown calloused/hardened to ever actually feeling a strong connection for a single women. It's either that, or i've grown so hardened from the past relationship trauma and need a psychologist :)

Is it an ability to control this aspect of your life that actually leads to a detrimental effect by not letting you 'unlock' that certain aspect anymore?
[/quote1226325000]

I definitely feel a successful pua can become desensitized to what relationships with the opposite sex are really about. So much focus is placed on picking up women and nothing else.

As you've become better with women, you've seen the rewards of your efforts. As a result you're options have increased. This may be where some of that inability to unlock "those" feelings comes from.

If the thrill of the game still excites you then keep playing it. Eventually you'll find the right girl who will make it easy to unlock "those" feelings. However, if you think you are so "hardened" that its negatively effecting your outlook towards women then step back and make some changes.

No matter if its women, jobs, or hobbies its so easy to get totally wrapped up into what you're doing that you lose sight of your surroundings and who you are as a person. Perhaps a break from running game on silly hookers(lol) is in store? It will definitely help you evaluate where you are actually at and what it is you want.

[Guest]

One of the articles from my social psych class has research that bears directly on this issue. Basically, the studies found that the more attentive partners are to their other options (e.g. other girls) the less satisfaction with, investment in, commitment to, and adjustment in a their current dating relationship. Attention to other options was also the best predictor of if the couples split up or not. Of course this study was correlational so one cannot rule out the chance that people who were less committed and satisfied were more likely to be attentive to alternatives but this is still pretty strong research.

In other words, good PUAs tend to have a good amount of options and thus will likely have trouble with the aforementioned areas (commitment, adjustment, investment, satisfaction) in relationships.

I attached the full article if you want to read it. [br][file={e_FILE}public/1226355040_2337_FT25017_miller97jpsp.pdf]miller97jpsp.pdf[/file]

[Guest]

i have agree with Sal and Carmel's points about love not being static, and such, and pua's having problems with satisfaction.

I also wanted to add, that I think that past relationships give you examples of what not to do, and ideas of what to do differently.