Triumphant return?

[Guest]

Hey everybody! I'm back! (The next few lines are pretty negative but trust me it gets better).

I bet you probably don't remember me ever being gone. I thought about this place often (and I have lurked) since I last posted but truth be told I barely remember any of the posts I made here so its unlikely that anyone else does.

The reason I can't remember is that most of my posts were made when I was drunk. Back then I was a different person. Had a major drinking problem (or so I thought) and lots of unresolved issues following me around like Pig Pen from the Peanuts cartoons. I lived in the past, was extremely negative and walked around in a constant state of bitterness regardless of my level of intoxication.

When I last posted here I had pretty much just found out about the community. I'm pretty sure that I posted a bunch of times acting as if I had an informed opinion like a lot of newbies do but to be honest I was overwhelmed. I wasn't really managing my life in general very well and now I had all this new material to digest. I read a lot, and read some more. I think, actually I know that initially finding the community really lowered my self esteem. I became very self conscious of the way I looked and I wouldn't want to leave the house sometimes as a result (I think I probably took the always look your best thing a bit far by not going out when I felt like I didn't).

It took me a while but I realized that I wasn't ready for this just yet. I had too many issues to resolve before I could go down this path. So I took a step back and got to work.

Since I left I have:
Gotten sober - This was the best thing I did. It is amazing how much your attitude can improve when you aren't starting each day off on a bad note with a hangover. This also allowed me to think a lot more clearly, which has helped me figure out a lot of things. As it turns out, the problem wasn't really drinking, it was just a failure to deal with things in a timely fashion, so after 275 days of sobriety I decided I can drink socially again. I will never go back to how things used to be.
Quit smoking - It made me lazy, out of shape and made my voice weak and harder to understand.
Got promoted a few times at work - More disposable income, 'nuff said.
Bought a condo - Yes its small and it was not expensive but I paid cash for it so it increases my disposable income (no more rent) and allows me to do more things. I could have put down a nice down payment and gotten a house but buying this place was all about increasing my ability to do things and making a commitment to get out more since this isn't exactly somewhere that I want to hang around at all the time.
Gotten in better shape - Over a month ago I was in 2 car accidents, assaulted and robbed all in a 24 hour period. Rather than fixate on how much things sucked I used it as motivation in the gym, I have since lost a lot of weight and I look much better than before.
Changed my attitude completely - I am not the negative person I used to be. I no longer live in the past (If I do look back, I don't get upset about shit anymore. I mostly just marvel at how much time has gone bye which motivates me to want to get more out of today). I am not bitter like I used to be. I make a conscious effort to have fun every day and do at least one thing to better my situation. I know now that I had more strengths than I ever gave myself credit for and that while I have been through some major shit so has just about everyone else so rather than feel sorry for myself (like I used to) I just try to take lessons away from it and move on.

The point of the above list isn't to brag, this is just the road that has taken me here. These were all goals that I had when I came to Texas almost 4 years ago now. I moved here to change my life and it took a lot longer than I thought it would to get to this point but I am glad I made it this far. I've pretty much torn myself down to nothing and built myself back up alone. I had to eliminate a lot of negative people and pretty much start from scratch. It was a little scary which is why I suspect it took me so long to start this process. Most of these things have finally come together for me since I left the board.

But... I haven't really done anything spectacular (yet), these changes are all the result of making small moves in the right direction over a long period of time. Now its time for me to step it up and really go a lot further at a much faster pace. I guess the point of this long ass post is to say that I finally feel that I am ready to pursue this now. Its going to require a little courage but I think I can be good. To accomplish this I am going to need some help. This is difficult for me to admit since I have always been very independent (to an almost ridiculous degree). Hopefully that is where some of you come in, I'm not talking about holding my hand (more like kicking my ass when I am being a pussy). Hopefully some of you guys can help me and vice versa.

I don't want to learn or use made up routines or fake DHV's. I don't believe I need to be anything I'm not. What I need to do is just be more of what I already am. I want to experience more and grow more. I need to be more open and show people what I am all about sooner rather than later. I always used to say that I get better as you get to know me more. I thought that was a good thing but now I see it as more of a problem. Right now I'm like a good product with a crappy marketing plan. Kind of like Peavey guitars, they are every bit as good as Fender and in a lot of cases better but most people don't know about them and if they do they don't fully understand how good they are (the American made models).

I have read a lot here that has shown me that PUA is not about methods, tricks and other bullshit (like I once thought it was) and I want to thank a lot of you guys for helping me come to this conclusion. A lot of the discussion about direct game, body language, etc has allowed me to see the bigger picture. I have read what is possible and I want to experience it first hand.

As far as goals go:
I want to have fun - Even if I am bombing, I will find a way to extract some enjoyment.
I want to make friends - Its easy to meet people to hang out with but hard to make real friends with depth, a lot of you guys seem to have it.
I want to improve - Every so often I will see a post where someone tells someone else that they can't believe how much they have changed for the better since they met. It would be nice to experience that one day.

[Guest]

Welcome!

[Guest]

Good to hear, a positive outlook will get you a long ways down the road of life and open a lot of doors.

[Guest]

Great post hooks. Welcome back!

[Guest]

Welcome!!

We're excited that you're here, and hope to see you at one of our various events!!

[Guest]

sounds like you have already made a good start.

[Guest]

You did the smart thing and stepped back and took care of things that would hold back your inner and outer game first. Good job. Best of luck that this all comes much easier now and that you can begin to truly internalize this stuff and become an even better man because of it. See ya out there.

[Guest]

[quote1221010268=hooks]

I have read a lot here that has shown me that PUA is not about methods, tricks and other bullshit (like I once thought it was) and I want to thank a lot of you guys for helping me come to this conclusion. A lot of the discussion about direct game, body language, etc has allowed me to see the bigger picture. I have read what is possible and I want to experience it first hand.

[/quote1221010268]

Awesome. Welcome back and congrats on the personal growth. I think you'll do great this time around, and i really like the fact you are seeing this aspect now. The community is about personal growth, not the BS that it may appear to be on the surface. Alot of noobs(myself included during that phase) can get caught up in the tricks/routines/crap rather than just becoming a better man. I guess it's all part of the learning curve...hindsight is 20/20 thing.

[Guest]

Thanks for the warm welcome guys. Maybe I will see some of you on Saturday at Bull Run's class.