Dimitri-my juggler method

[Guest]

possibly one of the best books I've ever read on pickup. I will post a large section as the book was given away free. If I am not supposed to post this please inform me otherwise enjoy. I have the book for anyone that is interested as there is much more to it than this one section. I know the formatting sucks.

The so-called Approach Anxiety does not exist. It is an illusion, maintained in the minds of thousands of gullible men to make courtship appear difficult to them, so that they purchase more seduction products and services, and sink deeper in their despair. Let us analyze the problem. Anxiety is one of the forms of fear. Specifically, it is the fear of the uncertain future. Approach is the process of moving toward something or someone. The Approach Anxiety, therefore, must be the fear of the uncertain future related to or triggered by the process of moving toward someone or something. Before we discuss the true nature of the phenomenon that have been wrongly labeled as the Approach Anxiety, let us talk about fear in general.
It will take a lot of words; the working draft of this article took ten pages in print, but please bear with me. This is a tough illusion to dispel, and yet when it is finally dispelled, I promise that the beauty of the truth will astonish you. Let us discuss the fear from the point of view of the psychological archetype defined by his ability to face and handle that emotion: the Hero. What makes the Hero so much different from a coward? The Hero is intimately familiar with the nature of the fear. The Hero knows certain secrets about fear that a coward does not know. These are the secrets that I am about to reveal to you. There are two fundamental types of fear:
1) Artificial Fear;
2) Natural Fear.
Let me expand. 1) The Artificial Fear is man-made. It is also known as intimidation, or suspense. This type of fear is usually characterized by dramatic build-up with unexpected leaps to considerably higher levels of intensity. I would like to give you an example of my encounter with an unsuccessful attempt to create the Artificial Fear. A few weeks ago I walked up to a group of attractive and friendly women on a street and greeted them. As I usually do, I touched one of the women on the upper arm with the back of my hand as I was making the introduction. All of a sudden a man appeared out of nowhere, like a troll out of a tobacco-box. Without any proper exchange of pleasantries, he pushed me in the chest, and yelled in my face: Get lost, she is my wife! The man did not seem very intimidating - if anything, he was amusing - so I stayed. I smiled, offered him my hand for a handshake, and introduced myself. I told him that I would never dare to intrude upon his relationship. The man ignored my hand, he was shaking in fury, yelling incoherently, and splattering me with saliva. I reached to his shoulder to clarify my friendliness and to pacify him with the touch. The man went berserk. I would not be able to quote his verbal response here: what if there are ladies reading my article? I felt sorry for his wife: she was so attractive, and greeted me so friendly when I approached her. She definitely deserved a better man. A moment later, two more men appeared synchronously on both sides of me, like hunting velociraptors in Jurassic Park. One of them was flexing his muscles and scowling at me in a rather comical way, the other tried to act like a bully from a Hitchcock movie: he grinned dramatically and told me that if I try to touch his friend one more time, he will kill me. It was rather funny, so I played along. I immediately touched the guy: You mean, if I touch him like this? You are going to kill me for that? The movie bully stopped grinning. He wanted to be taken seriously. Walk away, or you are dead, he said. His pal on my other side was puffing himself up, trying to come up with something equally smart to say. The disgruntled husband in front of me was gasping in righteous indignation. I do not enjoy it when people who have no business telling me what to do give me orders, so I stayed with them a while longer, behaving as friendly as I could. I left only when I grew bored. And hey, I am still alive. I must emphasize that from the moment the first man appeared till the moment his friend threatened to kill me only thirty seconds or so had elapsed. In a few paragraphs I will explain why I find it so important. I do not exactly fit the archetype of the Hero. I have been motivated by fear throughout my life. And yet, during the interaction I had just described, I had experienced no fear whatsoever, despite the fact that my would-be-opponents tried to intimidate me. What kept me calm was my recently acquired understanding of the nature of Artificial Fear.

Why would someone try to motivate my behavior by fear? - Because this person believes that a man can be easily motivated by fear. Why does that person believe that a man can be easily motivated by fear? - Because that person himself is easily motivated by fear. To rephrase it, WHEN SOMEONE TRIES TO INTIMIDATE ME, TO TRIGGER FEAR IN ME, I KNOW THAT HE IS A COWARD. He tries to create Artificial Fear because he is afraid of me. If I feel no fear for a few moments, his fear will take over. And why would I be afraid of someone who is afraid of me? That would be comical. 2) The Natural Fear does not involve the process of intimidation. It is a biologically pre-programmed reaction to a dangerous situation. The crucial characteristic of such dangerous situation is that it happens suddenly and without warning. Let me give you an example of the Natural Fear from my experience. About two months ago I was waiting for a traffic light to change, sitting astride my motorcycle, enjoying the quiet peaceful morning and the mastery of my ride. The light turned green, I took off, shifted to the third gear, and was suddenly rammed by a passing Buick that veered off into my lane. No warning. My bike span around, I flew out of the saddle like a rag doll, and the funniest part was, while it was happening, I felt excited like a kid in a toy store. I did not feel any pain when my thumb broke against the spinning front wheel, and I remember saying loudly WOW as the parked cars were tumbling around me, and thinking, "This is interesting, I feel the pavement even through the leather!" as I was sliding on my back. Then I jumped up on my feet, saw my thumb bent back in the joint, and set it right without thinking. It did not hurt when I did it. I looked around and saw my bike twisted as if King Kong was playing with it. Then I got scared. Chilled to the bones. But it was too late, the dangerous situation was already over, and I had to find a way to comfort the terrified old lady behind the steering wheel of the unscratched Buick, and a bunch of bloodthirsty Mexican construction workers on the corner, clearly disappointed that they had not witnessed death. (I remember flipping a bird at them). I also had to come up with a legal way to get a few thousand dollars to repair my bike. My point is, the Natural Fear is instantaneous, and more often than not is experienced after the event. And it is quite all right to be afraid when the bad thing had already happened, as long as you can be active enough to handle the consequences. Before I reveal to you the most essential characteristic of fear, and before I tell you exactly how to achieve total control over fear, I would like to introduce another important concept: that of Resistance. Here's how you are going to get things done from now on. Remember the following four steps as a model for your behavior.
1.
You want something;
2.
You take action to achieve what you want;
3.
You experience the RESISTANCE;
4.
You take action to overcome the resistance and achieve what you want.
The reason why most people are not as successful in achieving what they want as they could be is because they refuse to face the reality of resistance. They have unrealistic expectations. They choose to believe that it's enough to want something and to take action in order to achieve what they want. So when they encounter resistance, they back off. Resistance happens. Resistance happens every time. Resistance happens whenever you want something, right after you take action to achieve what you want.

Put a book on your desk, try to move it along the surface, and you will experience resistance. Resistance is inevitable. Resistance is to be expected. The Universe would fall apart without the Resistance. It's what you do AFTER the resistance that makes all the difference. EXPECT RESISTANCE. When you experience resistance, don't worry about it. It's just the way it's supposed to be, and it cannot be otherwise. Resistance is normal. Resistance is the law of the Universe. If you do not experience Resistance right after you take action to achieve what you want, it only means that the resistance is delayed, and you will encounter somewhat stronger Resistance after a certain time interval elapses. Take action to overcome the Resistance, and you will achieve what you want. What action do you take to overcome Resistance? If I were training you for a fight against a professional heavyweight boxer, I would tell you that in order to overcome his resistance to your attacks you must punch harder and faster than your opponent, move around him in a random pattern he wouldn't be able to predict, and look for every spot in his upper body you can use as a target. But I am not training you to be a boxer. Courtship is not about destroying the opponent. It is not about jumping out of the trench and sticking a bayonet in her guts. Courtship is about love. Victory in courtship is achieved by the means of love. And it is very simple. Here is my favorite description of the Hero. Hero: a man brave longer. That's all there is to it. A non-heroic man can be brave until he meets the resistance to his courage. Then his courage is gone, and he is no longer brave. The Hero remains brave in the face of resistance - he remains brave just a little longer. Think of it: most of the truly frightening situations that require action last for a minute or two! Two minutes later it is all over, and there is nothing to fear. And within those two minutes there is probably only a second or two that are truly frightening, the rest is quite tolerable. The truth about fear: Fear cannot last long. Even those unique frightening situations that last hours or days - they do have high and low points of fear, and each high point would last no longer than a couple of minutes, and the truly frightening part of such high point lasts only a second or two - maximum. In fact, in most situations of the Natural Fear the frightening situation lasts only a split second, and is already over before you begin to experience the fear. And I have already explained to you that the Artificial Fear is ridiculous in its very essence because it is always being induced by cowards. The Artificial Fear disappears completely when you accept the truth. The Hero is not a man who is brave throughout his entire life. The Hero is a man who can remain brave for just those extra two seconds within minutes. Then he can relax and not be brave anymore. There is peace on the other side of the storm. A hero is also a man who is ready to be brave for that split second anytime in his life. Wake him up at night and he is ready to be brave for a split second.

It is incredibly easy to be a Hero. Only I want you to be a very special kind of the Hero. Not only I want you to be a man who is brave longer, I also want you to be a man who is KIND LONGER. To explain what I mean, let me show you what happens to a man who does not know the secrets that I am teaching you. He wants to meet a woman. He takes action: he approaches a woman because he thinks that she has something he must get from her. She resists his approach - not because she is a bad person, but simply because resistance is the universal law. The man has not expected her resistance. He immediately becomes ANGRY, and leaves. He thinks he has been rejected. In fact, he has just sabotaged himself. And now let me show you exactly how it is going to be for you. You want to meet a woman. You take action: you approach a woman, knowing very well that you can give her something she craves. You expect her resistance as something perfectly normal. You know her resistance will not bother you. She resists your approach - and she might even expect you to get angry. Instead, you react to her resistance with KINDNESS. She is disarmed by your kindness, and is curious about you. For her you are unlike most men she has ever met. She begins to see you for who you are: the Hero. She wants to find out more about you. I foresee your question: what if she resists again? And again? I have a personal rule about a woman's consistent resistance. I would like to share this rule with you. I call my rule "the rule of 3 + 1". I would allow a "tough" woman to resist me three times in a row, and I react with increasing kindness to each bit of her resistance. Then I would allow her to resist me ONE MORE TIME, simply to give this relationship an extra chance - and react even more kindly. If after that she resists me again, I politely leave her alone: she is not the right woman for me. Why would I continue wasting my time with her when I can effortlessly meet a woman who has better character? I would like you to choose your own proportion. Make it "5 + 1" or "7 + 1" or "1 + 1" rule, and always follow your intuition - sometimes you might want to give her a second extra chance. Just remember that you do not have to stay around a woman if it is no fun. There is a great gal somewhere out there for you who can make you really happy. Please realize that every now and then you will find it pointless to continue a conversation with a woman you have met. This is also normal. The material world is imperfect, and it is wise to expect imperfection in the results of what you do. The notion of a man who can "seduce" any woman in the world is an illusion. I will tell you more about it in one of the following chapters. There are quite a few illusions we must destroy so we can see the truth. Now let us get back to the illusion of the so-called Approach Anxiety. I have spent so much ink describing the emotion of fear to you because it is my strong belief that the so-called Approach Anxiety is not even fear. You can trust me on that. I know what fear is about. The phenomenon known as Approach Anxiety is not that. Back when I used to have it, it felt very different from fear. So it should not be called anxiety, either. Here is my main thesis: the phenomenon popularly called the Approach Anxiety is not anxiety at all. We are dealing with a case of social misinterpretation of a very different type of emotion, which has nothing to do with fear. The Approach Anxiety is a WRONG LABEL. Some of the leaders of the seduction community had attempted to justify the wrong label by explaining that in their opinion the so-called Approach Anxiety is a psychobiological response genetically pre-programmed in the ancient tribal society when a man could have been killed for approaching a woman that belonged to the leader of the tribe. I find this explanation false, because according to this very explanation only the descendants of the tribal leaders could have survived to our age, and these descendants by definition could not have such response genetically pre-programmed because their predecessors, the tribal leaders, would not have to deal with the threat of being killed, due to the fact that they were the ones who did all the scaring and murdering.

The leaders of the seduction community also insist that the so-called Approach Anxiety is bound to occur every time a man wants to approach an attractive woman. Practice proves that statement false; I personally know a number of men who have reported no negative emotions at the moment they engage a woman in an interaction. Many of those men have been my private clients or the students of the Charm School. I am one of such men. My friend and co-instructor Rob Overman is a great example of such man. Let us analyze the phenomenon to find out its true nature. Think of a man who did not have a chance to learn the simple secrets I am revealing to you in this article, and who therefore believes that he is afraid or anxious to approach women. When such man sees a woman he likes - on a street, in a coffee shop, on a train, in a bar - he immediately feels the strong urge to get to know her. Such urge is perfectly natural. I would like you to notice that it contains the great element of curiosity, which is, as I have mentioned elsewhere, a fundamental underlying emotion of the human mating dance. Then a marvelous thing happens: the body of that man does its best to prepare him for the ritual. The natural chemicals rush suddenly into his blood stream to tune up his brain; to make him more flirtatious, and more resourceful; to boost his energy level; to make his skin glow; to make him more agile, younger-looking, more attractive, and more vigorous; to guarantee his ability to please a woman. His mind is ready to come up with the best things to say and do, to give the woman the most ingenious reasons why she absolutely must get to know that man. He is bursting, trembling with energy like a tightly loaded spring ready to be released, like a racing car at the start line, like a space rocket seconds before the launch. What he experiences is a unique and very strong form of SEXUAL TENSION. This tension builds up incredibly fast, so two or three seconds later it reaches the almost unbearable level. The man is ready to approach the woman at his best. And then this ignorant fool ruins everything. Instead of accepting gratefully the powerful help given to him by his own body, he chooses to misinterpret his extreme sexual tension as something very different: fear. He chooses to be afraid. As soon as such choice is made, it is all over. The mind, eager to be helpful, shifts from "joyful anticipation" to "fight for survival". Instead of helping the man to attract the woman, the mind begins to work hard to come up with the most ingenious reasons why he should not approach her: "May be she is married... may be she does not want to be disturbed just now... may be if I stare at her long enough she will notice me and approach me... may be I should go find a bathroom first and check in a mirror if I have something between my teeth..." A man can rarely win a fight against his own mind. He rejects something that could have been his chance for great happiness, and throws it into the garbage. The spring is never released. The car race is lost at the start. The rocket is never launched. The tension is never relieved properly, and the man turns his own mind against himself. All the wonderful energy he has built up to approach a woman is now inversed and invested into the feelings of self-contempt and self-loathing. And his hyped-up mind entertains itself now with dozens of great reasons why that man deserves to feel so miserable, why he is inherently unlikable, and why he should never even think of approaching a woman again: "Waste of time... it will only make me feel awful... women are not worth it... I must focus on more important things in my life... the French Existentialists were right, the true human connection is impossible". He might even blame the woman for acting aloof and being cold-hearted and cruel for not reacting positively to his attempts to make an eye contact. Such is the behavior of an ignorant man. But you are not him: you know and understand the truth. The emotion you experience when facing a woman you find attractive is called SEXUAL TENSION. It is a very positive emotion, provided to you as HELP. It is also the same exact emotion you will create in a woman in order to make her welcome the idea of having sex with you. SEXUAL TENSION is our currency. In many situations a woman experiences sexual tension later into the interaction, due to certain gender differences in
psychology. In some other situations she will experience such tension just when you make eye contact, before you even walk up to her. However, my point is, the tension a woman experiences is the same very tension that so many men choose to mislabel as fear. It has nothing to do with fear. And now I will tell you how it is going to be for you. When you see a woman you like, you experience a powerful surge of energy. You let this energy build up until it is nearly overwhelming. But your mind remains calm: you know how to control and direct this energy, the energy of SEXUAL TENSION. You know that the more energy you accumulate during this ecstatic moment, the smarter, the more resourceful, the more attractive it will make you. So you wait. You let the energy grow: you wait three, five, ten seconds if necessary, until the tension reaches its absolute peak. Then you keep this tension at its peak, and connect to your feelings. You feel like a loaded spring ready to be released. You feel like a racing car at the start line, the motor of your heart revving joyfully in the anticipation of the inevitable victory. You feel like a space rocket moments before the launch, ready to soar, your powerful engines roaring in your chest. Then you tell yourself: "GO". You unleash yourself. You take the five steps toward the woman, who might make you incredibly happy. And as soon as you take those steps, THE TENSION IS REPLACED BY THE INTOXICATING FEELING OF RELIEF. All the energy you have accumulated is being channeled into the beautiful mating dance the two of you are about to begin. And you do not have to do anything special: your energy will do the job for you. After two or three approaches you will get hooked on that feeling of relief. You will begin approaching women just to re-experience the exhilaration. This is how you are going to approach women from now on.

[Guest]

Hmm. Interesting, but I have to disagree with this article.

I can see how it might be useful or helpful to try to REFRAME the phenomenon out of existence, or REFRAME it as positive. But I think for most people it is something that needs to be acknowledged and dealt with. The phenomenon, by any name, it can be debilitating in the sense it can cause inaction. And the inaction is absolutely NOT the result of being misnamed or the result of gurus' brainwashing as he claims. It is obviously strong even among those who have no experience with the community.

The author claims he has no such feeling, or at least feels it in a different way, which might be true. Good for him. But I think disqualifies him from explaining how normal people should deal with it.

[Guest]

I do agree with you that aa does exist, but I also think that it does not exist near in the amount that the average guy in the community says it does. I believe that aa is used as a crutch for inaction myself. I believe this because of my own experience. Instead of being honest with myself and just going for what I want. (to talk to the girl) I would say I have aa and take no action. The article deals with this situation very effectively in my opinion through

1.
You want something;
(to talk to the attractive girl)
2.
You take action to achieve what you want;
(I go talk to the girl without thinking in another part of the book he says something I found very meaningful regarding the approach. He says to focus on the physical aspect of it. Focus not on what you are going to say, but instead on just walking towards her and next opening your mouth to speak.)
3.
You experience the RESISTANCE;
(a shit test or just her not being totally into me yet. As far as the resistence goes he talks about how men who truly are heroes are not totally inordinary. The only difference between them and the average man is that they are brave longer)
4.
You take action to overcome the resistance and achieve what you want.
(sometimes the action here is a long process, sometimes its just a few words)

If he does not feel it wouldn't he be the best person to explain how to not feel it?

You make some valid points though vector and I think what is said here is a little bit extreme. As long as people can realize that though this is very valuable advice

[Guest]

I agree vine, I related to him when he talked about his bike accident cause i had a pretty bad accident myself recently and felt the same way he did....I personally have pretty bad AA...but i agree with him on the fact that as long as you can hold on for a bit longer...the anxiety will pass. It also sounds very effective to recognize the feeling you have when you see a approachable HB, which is sexual tension...and the fear comes in when its misinterpreted and takes inaction. If you use the tension as a positive energy...you simply wont feel that fear...i think that makes sense logically right? Hey Zine, whats the book called...I wanna check it out

[Guest]

[quote1220429395=Vector]
Hmm. Interesting, but I have to disagree with this article.

I can see how it might be useful or helpful to try to REFRAME the phenomenon out of existence, or REFRAME it as positive. But I think for most people it is something that needs to be acknowledged and dealt with. The phenomenon, by any name, it can be debilitating in the sense it can cause inaction. And the inaction is absolutely NOT the result of being misnamed or the result of gurus' brainwashing as he claims. It is obviously strong even among those who have no experience with the community.

The author claims he has no such feeling, or at least feels it in a different way, which might be true. Good for him. But I think disqualifies him from explaining how normal people should deal with it.
[/quote1220429395]


Agree. I've done quite a bit of research on this topic as it's something I'd like to wipe out from my game altogether.

Approach anxiety is normal and everybody has it to a certain degree. It is one manifestation of social phobia. Treatment is possible, but it takes time. To sum it up in one sentence

LEARN TO FOCUS ON PRESENT REALITY RATHER THAN ANTICIPATING IMAGINARY SCENARIOS.

that is, learn to put your focus in the moment. Stop evaluating yourself or trying to figure out how others are evaluating you. Stop trying to think about what to say next. Etc.