When they try to turn things around on you

[Guest]

I had a minor situation today that is similar to things other women have done to me in the past and i've never been quite sure how to handle it.

have you ever had a situation where they do something wrong and somehow they come up with some weird nonsensical way of turning it around a trying to make it your fault? hot do you deal with that?

I've read that we should be non reactive, but also that we shouldn't be afraid to stand up to them. I guess that's where i get confused. Do I just ignore it or do I call them out on it? In the past getting mad didn't change anything, but doing nothing just seemed make them think it's ok.

This situation today doesn't really matter to me, it just that it's a pattern I see. What happed was last night this girl wanted me to go out and I wanted her to come over to my house. i said I'm not going out and she said she was going to go out for a while with her friends and woudl call me soon ( we were texting) she never called, so about midnight i texted and said when are you coming over and got no response. No big deal. this morning I get text that says I'll come over in the morning. i respond OK. she immediatly replies "I didn't hear from you last night. Maybe some other time" WTF? .......i don't really give a shit about this chick....just met her thursday.....but it's a situation I seem to encounter a lot.

She said she was going to call and didn't call. then she acts annoyed that I didn't call her? .......I haven't responded.

[Guest]

I almost hate to give any response here. I am so freaking passive these days I know what I would do. I would just delete her number. To me she is a waste of time and not worth one second of my consideration.

Moving forward if you want to pursue her just act like it didn't happen. I doubt you have enough value in her eyes to really call her out on this properly(If you had known her a month or so and had shagged her many times then yes I would call out her out big time). If you did you might win you might lose. So why not just go with the play that has better odds. That is if you are wanting to pursue her for some reason. ie: GF or FB whatever.

So I would just go to another thread the next time you send her a text. Don't say ohh it's ok or any puss ass statement. Just move on and see where you can take her. Hopefully it will be to your sheets.

Goodluck

[Guest]

4 words.

"If you say so"

If you say it in text.... dont put a period on the end of it, that will convey a "displeasant frame" and should get her to act right.

You'll need attraction built for this to work right, if she straightens up immediately then youre golden and you run the show.

Use as much as you'd like.

[Guest]

BTW, you can use these interspersed in there with that.

"Whatever" **Eyeroll** **backturn**
"Riiighhht"

This is one of those qualifying moments I was talking about.

[Guest]

Here's the way I see it. This little thing bothered you. However, it wasn't the little thing that bothered you, but the big picture, the pattern.

If this is the first time that she has done this and the pattern spans across multiple girls, then don't pin it on her. It's not her fault. Fix the big picture. Figure out what's really bothering you about your approach, your expectations from women, how you communicate your expectations, whether you're putting too much value on any one given interaction, whether you're determining your state externally based on how other people react to you, etc. Once you nail that down, then work on fixing it.

If this is a pattern with this particular girl, then communicate your expectations more clearly. Reward her with good feelings when she meets your expectations. Don't keep harping on the little things. This is a trap that I have fallen into occasionally. I want to establish expectations and not sacrifice my principals. But when my girlfriend has messed up by not calling me or not including me when she goes out or whatever, I have in the past focused on the singular instance rather than the overall picture. That's bad and I have fixed that behavior. It's much better to say, "I have noticed that we haven't been spending as much time together recently and I want both of us to make an effort to make more time for each other" than to say, "you should have called me last night" or "you went out with your friends when you could have spent that time with me." If she simply doesn't live up to your expectations, then you have to think about nexting her rather than sacrificing your principals.

Finesse gives great advice for how to handle the little things.

Some women are flakey, other women are very reliable. Some women are reliable but find themselves bound by unreliable or unpredictable circumstances. I say be understanding to a point, keep your focus on the big picture, don't sacrifice your principals, but don't harp on the little things. Reward good behavior. Reestablish your expectations when the big picture begins to bother you. Know when to move on.

[Guest]

I'm not concerned about this girl or the fact that she didn't call. (in fact she's been emailing me and calling me today wanting to get together.)

I'm specificly talking about when women try to turn things around on you when they don't have a leg to stand on. When they try to twist things around and act mad at you when they did something wrong.

I think it's just a tactic they use to try to make a guy feel bad. I didn't fall for it. I ignored her all day yesterday and they she starts calling and emailing me today.

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this, I've just had chicks that on occasion try to frame things so i look bad even though I haven't done anything wrong. I think by ignoring her bs yesterday it may of let her know that I'm just not going to deal with that kind of crap.

[Guest]

They aren't necessarily trying to make you feel bad, just get a reaction out of you. I see it as a gauge women use to see how deep their claws are in you. The suggestions given by Fin are simple, easy, and effective ways to shrug it off, basically.

[Guest]

[quote1215527661=Rembrandt]
I'm not concerned about this girl or the fact that she didn't call. (in fact she's been emailing me and calling me today wanting to get together.)

I'm specificly talking about when women try to turn things around on you when they don't have a leg to stand on. When they try to twist things around and act mad at you when they did something wrong.

I think it's just a tactic they use to try to make a guy feel bad. I didn't fall for it. I ignored her all day yesterday and they she starts calling and emailing me today.

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this, I've just had chicks that on occasion try to frame things so i look bad even though I haven't done anything wrong. I think by ignoring her bs yesterday it may of let her know that I'm just not going to deal with that kind of crap.
[/quote1215527661]
That's projection. She feels bad so she tries to project those feelings onto you. Since you got into the community, you've no doubt learned that most men don't know how to communicate with women. Men try to be logical with women rather than appealing to their emotions. Well, women are pretty lousy at appealing to the logical side of men. The problem is that they TRY and they SUCK AT IT. I think they try to be logical because they want to justify their own behavior. Women aren't used to having things be their fault. Most times they just make things worse because their logic makes no sense, particularly to a man who can see through logical bullshit.

This is one of those situations where you have to accept women for the beautiful, unpredictable creatures they are. It's cute when they try to explain themselves. They're so adorably inept. That's when you laugh and say, "STOP. You're so cute. I know you didn't mean to blow me off or anything like that. You really don't have to explain yourself. But in the future if you say you're going to call then I expect you to call. Did you have fun last night?"