Last Night at Finn

[grimm1111]

Vector,

Interesting take! Could be. Not really possible to tell if she'd be cool with that - truthfully my sense is probably not (she declined my kiss before I threw up the boyfriend frame and she qualified herself as a poor kisser) but I can't be sure. Food for thought anyway!

I agree with you certainly that it's a framing issue - but here's the perspective I look at it from. My belief is that where I really screwed up this pickup was in A3. "The book" tells you that if you have compliance and you are screening then you are doing your job in A3, and that the point of A3 is to get to comfort and 'normal conversation.' I think that ad verbatim this is a little misleading (i just used 'ad verbatim' in a sentence, sweet.)

I'd suggest that what I failed to do was to create a sense of GENUINE connection on any level other than physical attraction. In other words, while I went through the correct motions and qualified her, I failed to actually convince her that I was attracted to her for qualities which would make the pickup "special" and not put me in the category of 50 other "Peter's." This is how i interpret her desire for something "REAL" she isn't getting from me at the bar.

So to follow this line of thinking, with her presumption being that I'm in to her for looks and fun, it's not congruent for me to set a "boyfriend" frame in that atmosphere - and this is what you're picking up on. Ergo my lovely target throws up congruence tests.

In English, what I needed to do that I missed was to do a better job of complimenting her and getting through to her that I think she is special, and we have something special because I see qualities in her etc.

[parametric_dc]

Hey, man. You know I'm not even a week into this scene, so I wont speculate and confuse things. But I just want to say good job. Very inspiring. You'll be fucking awesome...

[El Fenix]

In English, what I needed to do that I missed was to do a better job of complimenting her and getting through to her that I think she is special, and we have something special because I see qualities in her etc.

I think Vector was right on this one. She was looking for fun, and Mr. Right Now. It's hard to have it ingrained, but once it happens a few times, it's really cool to know that girls are fine with "hooking up," just like guys are.

The first time something like this happened to me in a bar, I wasnt ready for it.
About closing time at Sherlocks Addison, a sexy Latina asked me what I was doing after this, as she put her arm around me. I had been talking to her earlier on in the night. I said that I "was going home to go to bed, unless she knew of an after party." She says, no joke, "its at your place." Gulp.
I then didnt play it right, and went home by myself. Lesson learned.

It looks like you didnt read the signals right. We've all been there bro, as my story tells. I'm not sure a lot of compliments, getting her to think shes special, getting her to think you have something special, would have been the right move in this one.

[grimm1111]

Right on man. Well, I'm still very new to all of this and as such, expanding my horizons and beliefs about women every day.

It's outside the realm of what I used to believe was reality, at least in my world, to have 10's after me for random hookups - but I can say that what you guys are saying does make a lot of sense and obviously if it's happened to you then some girls do think that way, or maybe even many girls think that way.

LOL now I'm kicking myself a little bit!!!! shit!! haha.

[Vector]

I think you may be right about the genuine connection also. It's important to give non-physical reasons that you like her. (Except I think with cougars you can sometimes get away without it hahaha) Even if she was looking for a hookup with no strings attached, she still needs to feel like she knows the real you.

But it seemed to me she was also resisting the relationship frame.

You'll know what to do next time.

[Guest]

Update: She flaked. Damn.

[Guest]

[b]Update: She flaked. Damn. [/b]

You still see the whole thing as a success though, yeah? It doesn't sound like you could've done this three weeks ago. But now you can. So flake or not, you've made progress and that's fucking awesome.

[Guest]

Parametric makes a good point.
It's always good to keep the perspective of how far we have come in this game. It's always easy to see the one that got away.

Theres a tough balance between being satisfied with our improvement, but yet, not letting our improvement slack by always moving forward.

[Guest]

awesome thread. Everyone into pick-up should read this ish.