Trap or "unique friendship" ?

[Guest]

Time for more advice....(i'm full of issues aren't i? haha)

Ok, i dated this girl for a little and i just broke it off with her because her clingyness and insecurities are beyond belief.

When i broke it off...we talked for a bit, and she told me she loved me and ect.....and wanted a second chance. I was firm with my decision. We were friends before we dated and she doesn't want to loose the friendship, and offered up a "unique friendship". (ummm isn't that friends with benefits?) And basically she said we can't be together but i would like to continue this unique friendship until we both move on.

I dont know if its a trap...or just her rationalization of friends with benefits.....

Have they invented a male birth control yet?... :D

[Guest]

don't do it.. this past week I realized friends with benefits hurts girls, and I really hurt one of my friends because of it. I don't want that.

[Guest]

I would say agree to it. But on your terms.

What I mean is you need to be 100% upfront with her about your intentions. She needs to fully realize that you have no desire to be anymore than friends with benefits. If she agrees to this then you are in the clear on a conscious level.

Goodluck

[Guest]

Up to you man but I tried that and when I finally ended it she threatened to take herself out.

[Guest]

[quote="playercool"]I would say agree to it. But on your terms.

What I mean is you need to be 100% upfront with her about your intentions. She needs to fully realize that you have no desire to be anymore than friends with benefits. If she agrees to this then you are in the clear on a conscious level.

Goodluck[/quote]

I disagree. Even if you tell her upfront what the new arrangement will be all about she's still going to have feelings. It's just how women are wired. They can't simply turn-off their feelings unless you give them a reason. In this case, you aren't.

It's best to just go cold turkey. No sex. Period. Give the friendship a couple of weeks to breathe as well. Leave them better than you found them right? The only way to leave her in the best condition is simply to walk.

[Guest]

I think her offer of the "unique friendship" or friends with benefits is probably her way of trying to hold on to you. She is probably thinking that if she continues to have sex with you then she can eventually win you over. Similar to a girl (like my dumbass sister) purposely trying to get pregnant in the hopes that the guy she's with wont leave her. In this case (and dumbass's) the girl is obviously wrong. Stringing her along, allowing her to have hope for something that just isn't going to happen is wrong. Putting yourself in a situation where a girl might do something stupid just to win over your affections is also wrong.

[Guest]

Friends with benefits can definitely work, without hurting the girl, but it requires a certain maturity on the part of the girl. She has to be in touch with reality and how things really work. Only then is it even possible to establish the right expectations.

In your case it sounds like she is not ready for that. Even if she says she wants it, and even if she promises up and down that she will be okay with whatever happens, beware. You might be in the right according to the logic of her words, but if she goes apeshit later, the logic won't matter.

I would say avoid the drama.

[Guest]

Dude....

I have been in a Christian study group studying a DVD course called "Love, Sex and Long Lasting Relationship". Of course they promoted No Sex and unconditional love, no matter what... (you know the stuff that makes a man into a life long pussy). And they also stated that reasoning and judgement is out the door when sex is involved.

I think this has a psychological reasoning behind it too.
Sexual interaction stimulates a natural endorph high. (similar to cocaine.)
And yep all party involved gets addicted. (except for the well trained PUA).
And like all addicts, reasoning and judgement is out the door just to get the next hit. Plus, people will built up resistance and the same kind of sex with same person will get boring when the new-ness goes away, so LTR will not work when it is based only on the emotional high of sex. So, PUA might be addicted to having a new girl every week. haha...