What Do Women Want?

[NitricAcid]

...well i'm not really sure i understand this either. I always thought it was confidence, loyalty, a good sense of humor, romance, dependability.

but today I found out that every woman sees what you do differently. I don't know why I never saw this before. I think because it seems so apparent that it never occured to me.

I'm really in a sticky situation. I have a gf that is in love with me and no matter what she judges me in the harshest way possible. She won't get close to me intimately because she says she "gives what she gets". I feel like i do a lot for her. i'm there when she needs me or when she just wants to chill. i'm confident and not insecure about her and her friends or exes talking to her. I give her space when she needs it, but she says that i don't do anything for her. she says that all i do is the same things that make her happy once over and over again untill they're routine. so i'm really at a loss of what to do, or how to turn this around. I don't want to lose her to someone who can give her this special treatment. any suggestions would be nice.

p.s. let's just say that she is very headstrong, pushy even, has very little respect for my opinion, very little patience for my misunderstandings, says things very harshly, almost always is on the phone txting/watching tv because there is "nothing to do" and it's too hot to go outside?? , not intimate at all almost(barely kisses if that) and is very very cynical.


help me to understand what i'm not doing right... or give me ideas of how to make things "special" or am i really just fighting a lost cause that I will never understand. if any more info is needed please let me know.

[Mojo]

Well, this is easy. Have a sit down with her. Let he know she is a beuatiful person, inside or out.... or something along the lines of that. User your own words to be congruent and say what you mean. Genuine compliments go a long way.

Then let her know you think it is probably best you go your own ways. Be ready to walk away from her. This is IMPORTANT, be ready to walk away. Break up with her then and there NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS!. The next few days she will try to get back with you. She will ask what she did, how she can change, etc. Let her know in kind words... After a few more days of her begging, then decide if you want to or not. If you get back with her, you'll notice a difference.

But SERIOUSLY, you gotta have the balls to back it up. You got to be genuinely ready to leave... no faking.

Hope this helps,

~ M


P.S. So what do women really want? They want a guy they can't get. Be that guy.

[Bull Run]

I agree with Mojo here but the attitude of always be willing to walk away has to be persuasive and concrete. You cannot have this attitude in one relationship but not in another. You have to always be willing to walk away. You're a man and you deserve to be treated the way that you require to make you happy, if she cannot comply with those demands then it's time to leave. Flip the script here brother. This is about you not her.

Have the talk with her. Go your own way. Do not waiver. Do not call her first. Do not reach out for her first. Just say it's not working out, that you're not getting what you need, and that you think it's best if you go your seperate ways. Do not get angry. Do not get too emotional (it's actually okay if you do because it shows you do care and giver her a glimpse of hope that she can get you back). Do not fight, do not yell. Just tell her what's not working.

Being away from her with do a couple of things. First, it'll give you time to reflect on her and your relationship with her. Without her around for a while you'll begin to see the forest instead of just the trees. This will help you determine if you want to be with her again. It will help you understand if the way she treats you is acceptable. Second, it will get her hamster spinning in that pretty little head of hers. Women do not like to get rejected. Especially a woman like the one you've described. She very likely will adapt and conform to your demands, women are incredibly adaptable so it's not a big leap to think she'll do so if she has a new found respect and reverance for you.

Finally, and this is just food for thought, but you really need to re-evaluate how you think she feels about you. I'm only going by what you've posted here so I don't know from personal experience and I haven't seen how she interacts and treats you first hand, but fuck man the way she's treating you is not the way a woman that's in love treats her man. She may SAY she loves you, but when it comes to love words mean nothing...especially with women. Love is all about how you are treated, it's all about actions. Words are meaningless. So, think about how she's treating you and not what she says. Also, you may want to consider the following (again, I'm only going on what you posted):

-You may think that giving her space to hang out with or talk with her ex’s shows that you’re confident about how she feels about you, but women do like it when you get a little jealous. Don’t be afraid to show it every now and again. The way I handle this is to basically be playful and bust on the ex while being funny about it…very much like cocky/funny.

GF: “I’m going to meet up with Tony for a drink later this afternoon…”
Bull Run: “Which one is he? The one that [insert reason why they broke up] or the one that had a micro-penis?”

Here’s an example of one I used a few weeks ago on my LTR:
Bull Run: “Which one is he? The bartender with no ambition or the one that was socially awkward around your friends?”
LTR: “The bartender.”
Bull Run: “Oh good, I would hate for you to have to sit there in silence with the boring one”
LTR: “Don’t be a jerk.”
Bull Run: “That’s impossible…but at least I’m a charming jerk with a huge cock…”
LTR: “I should be done around 9:30 or so.”
Bull Run: “Come over after, I love it when other men feed you, get you all liquored up, and you come here so I can fuck your brains out…”
LTR: “K. Love you.”
Bull Run: “Naturally.”

If a woman cares for you and loves you then you can absolutely talk to her in this manner. And, she’ll love you even more for doing so. I did show interest and some very slight concern or jealousy that she was spending time with an ex. So, I reminded her of what she didn’t like about the ex but I did so in a funny, confident way. As expected, she came over with a full belly and slightly drunk. I gave her a proper roggering and in the glow of our post-coitus pillow talk (which is probably the only time you can confidently trust what a woman says) she raved about how much happier she is with me than with the former beaux.

-You sound too available for her. There’s nothing wrong with disappearing from a woman’s life for a couple of days. Say you’re busy, with friends, tired, need some alone time, whatever. Sometimes, you have to understand that you just shouldn’t be there for her. If you’re always available then you become an object of hers instead of a busy, high value Alpha male.

-Maybe there’s a guy out there that can give her exactly the treatment she wants, which, honestly, I think is the complete opposite of how you’re treating her now. Her headstrongness, bitchiness, passive aggressive attempts to change or manipulate you, and her lack of physical intimacy are all her way of saying that you need to treat her differently. You need to be the opposite of what you are, that’s what she really wants. You sound too nice. Try being an asshole, jerk, Alpha, whatever term you want to give it. If you lose her to a guy that can deliver what you cannot, then so be it. You don’t want someone that doesn’t really want you. Most women in my life have left me for that exact reason. I didn’t really want them so they left for someone that did want them, usually they ran to a lesser male. You need to be fine with that. Let them be happy. Go find one that’s right for you. Don’t worry about what she’s doing, worry about what you’re doing and what makes you happy.

I’m reading your post and I’m seeing the words and language you’re using. You’re worried about making things special for her. You’re concerned about being the guy that she wants. Those are noble efforts and a good person with a good heart is always going to want to deliver on those dynamics. But, in our modern society you have to understand that, although noble, those efforts are fruitless. Women say they want this from a man but, in reality, they want a man that will grab them by the hand, show them their world, command her respect through your strength and confidence, unapologetically pursue those things that ultimately make you happy, and never be fully and completely emotionally available to them.

In the end, it comes down to something as simple as being willing to walk away. Be a man going his own way and women will follow you. This one may not, but there will be others and they’ll treat you better and have more pleasant dispositions. Give her a shot to be one of those women but in order to do so, you're going to have to turn your back and go your own way.