encouraging her to ask you questions

[Snack]

I've recently created a little diagram for mapping out the changes in emotional states that people go through in conversations. I used a conversation I had on AIM with this girl and I noticed some interesting trends. I opened her through comments on Myspace and it went quite well: I was very congruent, held my frame, and the diagram shows how her emotional state changed from negative to positive as she tested my frame:

http://img710.imageshack.us/img710/2258/opening.png
[darkest colors imply when the conversation began. long strokes convey ambiguous statements, as in it could be playful or mean.]

The text can be read here:
http://img176.imageshack.us/i/opentext.png/

When someone starts a new thread or responds in a way that evokes a reaction in the other person, it is called being Proactive. When all someone does is respond by giving what is needed, this is called being Reactive. Whoever is being proactive is leading the conversation (which is what girls initially want), while reactive is obviously following. Being proactive though is not always dominant; it can be seen as chasing. Sitting back and letting the girl be proactive makes her chase you, implying you have more value. So the trick is to open her up, show her it's okay to be proactive and then let her chase for awhile. Theoretically, the more often these roles are exchanged, the more dynamic and enjoyable the conversation will be. I usually got her to give me more information than she needed by using open-ended questions, but I couldn't seem to get any more than that.

As I mapped out the rest of the conversation, I realized that I was mostly proactive. It's a good way to get things started, but I just couldn't seem to get her to start new threads or ask me questions. Eventually the conversation died off (I left before it got too bad) and I haven't talked to her since then because I know it would either be worse or we'd experience the same trend. From my observations, she talks to many guys online for the attention. It's a self-serving ego-boost for her (as it is for many girls), so she has made a habit of not being proactive.

What kind of methods do you guys have to encourage a girl to start new threads and ask you questions?

[RockStar]

The girl is the ADHD party girl it sounds like. You get this alot, especially from myspace friends whores. To get her to start asking questions you have to move her to comfort. From what i read she was all a2. So you have to respond at some point with "you I know you can be an asshole( and yes it's cute) but at some point we are going to have to really get to know each other... Let's play a question game...you down?" then move into the question game routine which is a nice transition to comfort.

-Rockstar

[Snack]

Thanks, RockStar. I asked this on another forum and got such shitty responses like "Get her off that fucking computer as soon as possible. Simply talking online is useless, it has to go somewhere."

What you're implying is very interesting though. Some girls are more proactive in conversations because they already feel comfortable, while others need you to proactively build their comfort for them. I can totally see this girl really opening up to me and starting new threads after establishing that kind of comfort. I mean, if I were to invite her over while the conversation was still fresh (short chat after opening), I could continue with A2 in person, build comfort and kino escalate. But my focus right now is creating dynamic conversations; I would feel much more confident in field if I felt I could rely on that skill-set. I'll have to try it out and post the results.