Paying for dates

[Alphagame]

Up til now, I've always paid for food, drinks, valet parking...whatever...and it's never gotten me in trouble.

So anyway, two weeks ago, I met this chick at a bar in Dallas. She started texting and I knew going into it, the ONLY way to make it work is if she drives all the way here (Lewisville) to see me. If I drive there, it's low value and they get princess syndrome every time.

So anyway, I was texting back and forth with this one and I told her she should drive up to visit me and I'd take her out for some food & drinks. I asked her what her favorite food is and she said Sushi.

So anyway, I ended up meeting her at the bar in Chilis (long story). I pushed for just ordering some food at Chili's and she kind of acted like "no way". So I took her to this Sushi place.

Believe it or not, I'm 38 and I've never had Sushi. I had NO CLUE it was so expensive. Had I known that, I would have foreseen princess syndrome coming and steered us into another place. We sat at the bar, and I could see that kind of stabbed her princess syndrome a little. But then the check came and after tip it was $107, which she saw and commented that the price was a little low for most sushi places.

After I paid the check, I could see princess syndrome developing real bad. So when we drove back to my place, as we're pulling into the driveway, I start telling her how to get back to I-35 and I could see the princess syndrome was evaporating a little more still. I mean, the average horny AFC is gonna invite her in and get told no. So I refused to do that.

I thought I completely dispelled the princess syndrome by "accidentally" slamming a gate on her. Then I over did it with the disrespect and now she's got her feelings hurt and I'm out on this one.

Personally, I make a lot more money than most so I honestly don't mind paying for dinner and drinks. But if it can lead to blow-outs, like it did this time, I should probably just figure out a way to get them to start paying for their own fucking shit. It will make my dating life a lot cheaper and there can't be any more princess syndrome.

The whole point of this thread is, how do you tell them to pay for their own portion of the meal and drinks??? Is anyone doing this successfully and on a repeated basis????

[isosceles cheese]

The guy is obligated to pay for the first transaction, the women is reguired to offer to go dutch while the man refuses, then the woman is required to pay for the next transaction.

If not, that better be "some bomb ass pussy" because that's the only way I'm going to pay for it.

I don't really do anything consistently or "well" with women, but I tell em, "its your turn" when the bill drops.

[zine]

Don't pay for her unless she deserves it. Make her earn it if you goin to pay for her. Generally I pay for mine and she pays for hers, or she pays for mine. I'm becoming pretty good at getting girls to buy me dinner in return for the way I make them feel. I would discuss how more, but it would take an entire post. Mostly it comes down to getting her to make an effort of generosity towards you of some sort, and rewarding that effort. This sets a precedent that it feels good to be a generous person around me and she buys me stuff.

I would say start small when you meet her. Have her give you a piece of gum then say "wow you are a generous person, I like that about you." you can throw some push pull in there to keep attraction up "if it weren't for you tripping me earlier youd totally be my favorite person! haha"
Later on you can get her to give you something larger say like a coke
one way I get things is too find food that she is excited about that I've never tried.
Her: omg, so you've never tried smores!
Me: haha, no never I bet they gross lol
Her: no they really good you gotta have some!
Me: hmmm idk
Her: alright I'm making you some.
Me: lol alright I'll try them, but you gotta make me dinner too if they taste bad lol

I may post more on this sometime because I'm probably one of the few guys that made money on valentines day.

[Kit]

I'm stuggling with this one also. The thing is women know that if you don't pay some other chump will so I guess the only way to pull this off is if they really really dig you.

Men are bunch of fucking chumps. Our society is fucked. We have given women everything. We gave them the power over us sexually. They conrol the baby situation. They can basically get divorced now and clean us out anytime they wish no matter how good we are too them. Hell they can cheat on us, then divorce us and still clean us out. They can take our children from us and make us support the process. It's a fucked up world and we did it to ourselves is the funny thing. We handed our balls right to them and said, "squeeze the fuck out of these any time you wish." All this power we have given them has totally destroyed gender roles and family structure.

Now the shit is on. It's simply survival of the smartest and we need to retake our thrown.

I babies and ex of mine when we were together and she never did shit for me. We broke up and she started dating some bad boy. She bought him a motorcycle for his birthday.

If you are buying them dinner, you're doing something wrong.

P.S. What a fucking bitch to say sushi is usually more. What did you get out of it and what did she do to deserve you buying $60 worth of food for her? Don't reward them just for being a woman. Make them earn it. Pay for it after she does something for you. If you don't stop this shit right now you'll be buying 10 dinners a month, each for a different woman and never getting any fucking place with any of them. - well maybe the ugly needy ones...

[DateDemon]

first of all you should know the venues you take the girl on a date to, before hand. Secondly it sounds like she was a bad case of princess syndrome especially that comment. 107 bucks seems like a shit ton to me for a first date. and if a girl made a comment like oh that seems low then I would be shocked. I don't even know if I would spend 100 bucks on a hotel room for a first date if a girl wanted to go straight to the room. Much less dinner lol.

You need to just have like one or two cool venues that you take all your dates to. The mid range price place or cheaper the better but still have a good atmosphere. Dim lighting with either a lot of stuff going on around the room or interesting decorations are best. That way you always have something to focus on and there isn't a dull moment. If you take a girl somewhere really nice like an expensive sushi place, which for 107 dollars you can get a shit ton of sushi where I live. She is going to expect you to continue this trend. I take almost every dinner date I have to this hole in the wall Italian place. I know everyone there, I am completely comfortable since ive been there a billion times and its great for dates.

Generally first dates you should go somewhere you are comfortable thats cool and as cheap as possible. If you even take her out to dinner that is. It is a whole lot cheaper if you don't =P

[DateDemon]

I'm stuggling with this one also. The thing is women know that if you don't pay some other chump will so I guess the only way to pull this off is if they really really dig you.

This is a a terrible mindset. That's the point if you don't pay for her some CHUMP will. You don't want to be a chump you are an Awesome guy! She is lucky to date you. I almost always pay for the first date if I take the girl somewhere but I make it clear that I am not paying for the first date because of them I am paying for it for myself since I believe its the right thing to do. You wouldn't believe how many girls offer to pay all the time and thats because they realize I am not here to buy them and I am not paying to get anything in return.

You don't want to be the guy that takes her to nice dinners, gets stuck with the bill, and gets none of her in return. Guys that do that make it so easy for guys like me. I won't even tell you how many guys at bars throw drinks at women. It is the same thing. I have gone up to girls and said stuff literally like "What are you doing talking to this chump?" and they will respond with stuff like "I am just getting him to buy me a drink and then I am all yours" It's terrible but its true girls have been hustling guys for years.
My friend is going out with a girl for about 4 months now and before he was going out with her she said she used to have a guy that paid her rent another guy that like took her out all the time and just ridiculous stuff. She also said she never even did anything physically with these guys. My friend met her in a public place didn't even take her to dinner as a first date. Like never spends money on her and she gives him all the ass he wants.
Kit is right though girls are given all the power in society when it comes to this stuff. That is why communities like this are so important we are the guys that aren't falling for this societal bull. You know they say something like 10% of the guys in the world date 80% of the women. I really believe that, that is pretty accurate and if you are reading and participating in this forum chances are you are either in the 10% or on your way to joining it.

[TopDog]

why not just ALWAYS meet for drinks later in the evening for any D2 where it's obvious you aren't meeting for a meal.

i always do this, have never been called on it, and routinely move past D2s, it's not limiting at all if they are actually interested in you and not just a free meal

in fact since discovering community, i have policy of no dinner dates until after we are sleeping together (and at that point then it's cause i WANT to got out and continue seeing her..) and it's worked like a charm since i've gotten my shit together. at most, if i break the rule, it's a takeout dinner that's brought back to my place, for an evening at my house, with some wine, drinks,etc.

and coming from a former AFC that thought endless dinner dates was the path in my younger days.

[DateDemon]

I have been on way more dinner dates than I want to admit. I don't even do dinner dates anymore either. Usually I won't take a girl out to dinner until after we have been dating a while. Saves a ton of cash =P and honestly since a lot of the dates take place at my house and not out at dinner it actually gets more intimate.

[Lion]

I haven't been on a day 2 dinner date in 6 years, since I realized it was a waste.

[Twitchy]

My dating strategy is to take a book out of Its Just Lunch's playbook. I take my initial dates to lunch, happy hour, or dessert.

I don't do this to be cheap because I actually don't mind spending money on people I care about. I do it because my time is precious and I don't want to waste it on someone who I don't know if I like yet. Many PUAs don't truly qualify enough. Once you get a lot of dating success, you will learn the value of this.

Meeting for lunch, happy hour or dessert is great because by nature, they are time-boxed.

There is a lot of merit to doing something fun on an early date (hiking, shopping at eclectic places, etc) however, I am WAY too busy for my own good so I just fit new dates into my schedule.

I know I have to eat, I know I like to drink so I fit my dates into a fixed time slot doing something I need/like to do. If I end up liking them, I will just reschedule another date that is much more open ended.