Casual Dating or Relationship....?

[Clueless1]

Gimme some insight guys.

I'm trying to figure out this girl on what she's looking for. She got out of a 2 year relationship in Jan. and i'm here dating her and its been a few weeks.

Soo my question is how to do figure out what she's looking for? Honestly i wouldn't opposed to either one. Eventually she's going to ask how i see me and her together, but if i say the wrong one, i might be shooting myself in the foot.

I will say, we share alot of common friends, including her ex.

any ideas?

[Alphagame]

They all want an exclusive relationship. But, if you dare indicate that you want that early on, she'll dump you on your ass. Best to wait until she brings it up. When she brings it up, she wants an exclusive with you. Otherwise, she wouldn't bring it up.

That said, she might not ever bring it up if you don't give her a reason to want you exclusively. In other words, don't always be available for her. Even if you aren't dating other girls, if she asks where you were last night (indicator that she wants you exclusively) just say "I was out with a friend" and leave it at that. Make her wonder who you were with.

If you dare bring up exclusivity talk before she does, she'll get creeped out, classify you as needy and likely dump you. It's low value.

[playercool]

Unfortunately Alpha is correct.

I say unfortunately because it just sucks that it is like that but it is. At least most of the time anyways.

Goodluck

[Lion]

Why would you want a relationship with her? Think about it, she just got out of a 2 year relationship. You would be the rebound guy and most likely get your heart broken. They say that a person needs half the time they were with someone to get over them. So if it was a 2 year relationship, she needs a year to get over him and move on.

And why do you think she would even want a relationship so soon after her last one ended? If you really want to know what she's looking for just ask her. But heed this warning: You CANNOT talk about your feelings until after you've slept with her. Because until she has slept with you she has not invested in you and you will scare her away.

Don't worry about saying the right or wrong thing to her. Be a man and figure out what YOU want. Not what you think she may or may not want.

[Smirks]

Having your heart broken isn't necessarily a bad thing, imo. You won't appreciate when it works if you've never had it go wrong.

[Lion]

Having your heart broken isn't necessarily a bad thing, imo. You won't appreciate when it works if you've never had it go wrong.

But would you advise him to get his heart broken on purpose? I feel pretty confident saying that it wouldn't be the first time for him. Or anyone else on this board. No need to go through it again with all the knowledge we have at our fingertips.

[Vector]

I have to agree with the advice here already.

First, figure out what you want, whether it's casual or relationship. Don't let her desires influence what you seek.

Second, if you do want a relationship, wait for her to bring it up. If you pursue it too soon, you will get neither.

[Clueless1]

Thanks for advice guys. I had to check for more expert advice. The rebound guy thing does make me wonder...right place at the right time or was i the guy she would of rather dated?

I personally want a relationship with her, i'd be fine with casual dating and continuing to build my pyramid! Have your cake and eat it too??? sure, i dont mind

Either way this turns out i'll enjoy it and move on to the next one.

[Howiestern]

Gimme some insight guys.

Soo my question is how to do figure out what she's looking for?

any ideas?

Lol, I don't think you truly do no matter how hard you try to figure out the situation! Just when you think you've got it figured out it does a 180 on ya, at least thats my experience.

I was dating this girl recently who was telling me all these super sweet things and sending me amazing emails. Telling me all the right things that indicated she was looking for a serious guy and if I was willing then she was too. So I softened my pimp hand a little and we continued on. We'd do something together every few days. The relationship advanced pretty quickly, met her kid and visited her parents within a few weeks of meeting this girl. All of the sudden she's decided I'm not the one she wants.

You have to always remember that women are emotional creatures and they don't always use "logic" to reason. That's what makes them so tough to figure out imo.

[Kit]

We need to talk... Seriously, fuck relationships man. Fuck them! We need to get down to the core of what you are looking for.

In other words, is it a relationship you want or is it knowing you have someone to talk to every day or regular sex or someone to watch movies with or what?

Here is an analogy.

student: I want to be rich.
teacher: What is rich?

student: A million dollors.
teacher: What would you do with a million dollars?

student: Buy a Porsche.
teacher: Do you need a million dollars to buy a Porsche? You can lease a Porsche. Why do you want the Porsche?

student: To pickup women.
teacher: So what you really want is to pickup women, not to be rich.

student: Yeah I guess so.
teacher: Why do you want to pickup women?

student: Because women make me happy.
teacher: So what you really want is happiness, not to be rich and not to pick up women.

student: Yes, I never thought of it that way before.

My point here is that we need to get to the core of what you really want, maybe not all the way down to happiness because I think we can take most desires down to that level or further, but I do think it's important for you to sit and think about what you want about a relationship and then ask yourself if you can get those things without a relationship. If so, do it without the risk and headaches a relationship offers.

If you find that you can't get what you want without the relationship, then go for the relationship but we all know that it's a big risk of heartache and a hell of a lot of work. My last one aged me at least 10 years over a 4 year period.

If you're wanting to get married and have babies and spend the rest of your life loving and taking care of your family then I commend you! That is honorable and I wish the world we lived in was all like that. Unfortunately that is a very small minority of people and the people like me that think that way easily become victims.

Now if you are just lonely and bored, welcome to the club. Let's get out, meet a lot of women, play some paintball (slightly inside joke), find things to occupy our time and in the process, women will gravitate toward us and find us interesting and not needy. We will control our lives!

Are you with me?