Cigarette Mooch routine by DeuceX

[Neuromancer]

If you've been sarging with me you know I love this one. I don't know if I've broken it down before so here goes.

Open with, "Do you have a cigarette?" sour mooch looks start coming.

Now explain, "You see I quit smoking several months back..." they start trying to save you from backsliding at this point, so continue, "The problem is, I'm out with the guys and Ive been drinking and... well... you know you can't have a drink without..." they finish the statement, "Oh, yeah, I know what you mean, you can't drink without having one."

You continue, "Yeah, see I'm not really backsliding, I just decided, if I'm in a situation like this, denying my urge will just make it stronger later and I will start smoking again, and if I can't find one, I don't have the increased urge because I couldn't find one. This way I take away the addictions power, and I get to meet cool people. Hi, I'm Deuce."

Now, of course, smokers love to talk addiction, so that gives lots of fun directions. Addiction to horror movies, addiction to chocolate, addiction to books, girls addiction to romance novels, mens addiction to sports.

Now, there is another side of this. If the target doesn't smoke, you can run the same routine with the addition of "maybe the universe wants me to stay quit." the fun here is the HB will try to keep you in the conversation so as to not start smoking again. When the conversation starts to die, you can say "Alright, I'm going back to the cigarette hunt." you can always re-initiate with smoke in hand and just say "got it."

[Westfall]

For some reason I have the desire to open with "hey do you have a cigarette?", then throw it away. When they freak out, just tell them "Hey, I saved 10 minutes of your life--you should thank me. Why don't you do so by buying me a drink?"

WF

[Neuromancer]

at going on 6 bux a pack it's a great way to piss off a smoker. Any type of "you should quit" is like "What's your sign" they get jacked about it constantly and you are also messing with a physical addiction so the response might come from the addiction rather than them.