MYSPACE EMAIL

[Smile]

A little background is needed to understand the situation. One of my coworkers wanted me to meet her daughter and I said sure, whatever. Well, I missed meeting her daughter at work due to being busy, so she added me as a friend on myspace. Keep in mind that we had no conversation at all (and haven't met) prior to the myspace conversation. Here is the conversation that started and we will see if it has ended:

"ME:
Why do you want to become my friend...?


HER:
Why not?


ME:
Beauty is common... what else do you have going for you besides your looks...? Also, have we met somewhere?


HER:
Wow you're not very bright, are you? No we haven't met, but you apparently come very mistakenly recommended by mom, (edited out).

Nice to meet you anyway.


ME:
That wasn't very nice. For a second there I thought that there was more than one person named Leslie in the world; I guess I was wrong... Well, I think your mom is a nice person and she seems very bright. It is a shame that you don't have more qualities. Nice to meet you too. "



Now I know that myspace game (if that's what you want to call it) is different from actually sarging but I have been treating it like texting and I have had some success when I do it. I don't do it alot but when I do I usually game a little on myspace just to set up a cocky funny rapport with the individual before hanging out (if we do hang out). I just wanted to start a small conversation to get the ball rolling. I had never met the girl, rather only seen a 3 year old picture of her (which looks completely different) and she expected me to know who she was. I can see somewhat of where she is coming from but I wasn't going to assume. I guess she wasn't down for that. Who knows, she may just be teasing, maybe not? It is hard to judge the context of language via text especially when you have never met/talked to the person before.

[Westfall]

Disclaimer: I might be way off here.

"ME:
Why do you want to become my friend...?

This fine, but I would have come off more playful. Oh great another friend request from a blonde. I've already met my blonde-myspace-friend-quota...but maybe I could squeeze you if you're cool.

HER:
Why not?

ME:
Beauty is common... what else do you have going for you besides your looks...? Also, have we met somewhere?

This is incongruent with her question. She asks "why not?", you respond by telling her she's beautiful and then asking her to qualify herself. Alos, you're asking...actually demanding that she qualify before you DHV to her.

Instead, perhaps you should consider disqualifying.

Why not? Because I'm an arrogant self-absorbed jerk who'd only end up breaking your heart.

HER:
Wow you're not very bright, are you? No we haven't met, but you apparently come very mistakenly recommended by mom, (edited out).

Nice to meet you anyway.

Hmm, not good. I'd punish with something like...

You must have really pissed your mom off is she'd recomend me to you. What did you do!?

[Smile]

Westfall,

I can see what you were going for. I was actually thinking about wording my side of the conversation somewhat like that at certain instances and decided not to.

"This fine, but I would have come off more playful. Oh great another friend request from a blonde. I've already met my blonde-myspace-friend-quota...but maybe I could squeeze you if you're cool."

I like what you stated above.

"This is incongruent with her question. She asks "why not?", you respond by telling her she's beautiful and then asking her to qualify herself. Alos, you're asking...actually demanding that she qualify before you DHV to her.
Instead, perhaps you should consider disqualifying.
Why not? Because I'm an arrogant self-absorbed jerk who'd only end up breaking your heart."

Although, whenever I demanded her to qualify herself to me before I DHV'ed myself I felt like I did not have to DHV myself because her mom had already done so (somewhat) and also because of the fact that she added me as a friend and I didn't add her. You may be right though...

"Hmm, not good. I'd punish with something like...

You must have really pissed your mom off is she'd recomend me to you. What did you do!?"

I like this and actually was going to put something like that as a fun DLV that might have been good. I was uncertain on her context. Maybe I am worrying about myself not validating too much in the conversation. Also, this rapport (or lack there of ) was established only via myspace email and does not display context/expression very well, if at all. This would have been different if we had met first and known each others connotations a little better. I would say that online conversations/gaming/rapport building requires a different calibration (requires more obvious expression) in relation to face to face conversation due to the ambiguity in context.


Hmmm...

[Twitchy]

Above all else, I would keep it very playful. Remember, she doesn't knonw you yet and sometimes emotions are tough to read via text.
The last thing you want to have happen is for her to tell your coworker (her mom) what a jerk you are.

[Rhody]

This was somewhat a warm approach. She wanted to start in comfort. I would have worked on comfort and generated attraction with push/pull. Get her to disclose something about herself and say something like, "I thought I loved you until you just said that" or "you're the coolest girl I ever met... or a total weirdo. I can't decide" (one of my favorites).

If she wants to start in comfort, then you can lay off the attraction game. Build the comfort and work in some light teasing, role playing, future adventures projection, etc.

PUAs tend to forget the importance of establishing comfort. PUAs who study MM tend to work so hard on delaying comfort while they build attraction, they sometimes miss some golden opportunities.

[Smile]

Right on Rhody. I think you are right about PUAs delaying comfort too long sometimes. In field I do delay comfort too long by not using enough kino sometimes.

Update: Yesterday, (the day after the girl and I had our little discussion) her mom told me that there was a huge misunderstanding and the context was taken out of proportion. Apparently, this girl has some sass (according to her mom). We will see if she responds or not. No biggie.

[Westfall]

Right on Rhody. I think you are right about PUAs delaying comfort too long sometimes. In field I do delay comfort too long by not using enough kino sometimes.

Update: Yesterday, (the day after the girl and I had our little discussion) her mom told me that there was a huge misunderstanding and the context was taken out of proportion. Apparently, this girl has some sass (according to her mom). We will see if she responds or not. No biggie.

Tell her she puts the "ass" in "Sassy lil girl"

[Thaddeus]

Ha I like the incorporation of the disqualifier in there westfall. Myspace and face book gaming is a little different because its impersonal. See with out the nonverbal body language you would usually be portraying to her she cant calibrate her emotions to your response. One thing Ive learned is that you dont want to directly neg via email. Theres just to much chance of extremes. She will think your an ass if your to hard and playfull but a try hard if you complement to much. Try and start the message with some comfort and end in humor is what i do... and dont delay pushing for an in person meet to long or false impressions of what the person is really like will start.