Relationships

[Rembrandt]

Any advice....books whatever ...on relationships. What do you do once you have them. How do you keep them. I always seem to do something stupid to screw things up when I really don't want to........and half the time i don't even know what it is.

My goal isn't to date a new woman every week for the rest of my life. I'm not good at picking up women but I am occasionally successful and have dated some really beautiful women. I have an ex that we have kind of started seeing each other again and I'd like it to be successful. Even if it doesn't work out, I think i worry more about the LTR than the pickup. Or at least feel less confident and less knowledgeable about them.

I've had several that i thought were going great and out of the blue I get dumped and don't know what hit me....and also don't feel like I learned from it because I'm not sure what happened.

[Scoundrel]

Okay, this is a pick up forum. In here we talk about how to meet women and have sex with them ASAP. This is not a relationship forum.

[El Fenix]

The Scientist and I were talking a few days ago about the community and it seems the currency on the community is "how many,how hot, and how fast." This meaning if you could pick up a string of 10's and have sex with them in an hour after meeting them, youd' no longer be a PUA but closer to a deity.

There's stuff out there on what to look for in a woman, as well as after the close and continuing things. David Shade's manual, while largely about hypnosis and sexual technique(I have a few things I want to try theres also about YOUR qualities and hers.

For example, find out if she's a Daddy's girl. If so, she likely has good relationships, and trusts men.

I reccomend it as a resource.

Yes, this is a pick up forum. but things dont end at sex. P/u and sex is just the beginning.

[Cru$H]

just so you know, you are coming off as extremely insecure and a little idiotic. Rembrandt, your post says that you are not here to pick up women, and something about how you are already confident about that.

you obviously like many other guys think this is some sort of manipulation tactic or game, and don't understand what PUA is all about. AND really if you had any game at all, you would know how to pick up women AND keep them. in a way you are trying to compensate for your lack of skill by getting better at something else. Are you asking how to always keep a girl sitting, waiting and wishing? how to not always be a nice guy?

I found that at one time I was at your point, so I'm not going to diss you. I am going to give you a reality check. The world is awesome, but sometimes harsh. the fact that any guy can pick up any girl is great, that a guy can learn to steal a gf with a pattern... harsh. but how about stealing a girl without a pattern. It means you were outgamed. Losing a girl means you were outgamed. out- GAMED. someone be it the guy who took her or the girl, had better game than you. you GOT played. but it's not their fault, it's your fault because you didn't harness your skill well enough. Hence you have to not hate the player, rather hate the game. This is also where the statement "forgive and forget" comes from. Don't cry about being cockblocked. It shouldn't effect you unless your a little bitch. Jealousy does not exist. being "dumped" does not exist. In a sense, the world of women is a game but not the GAME, you think it is, it's the same game you play when you wake up every morning. I'm sorry to say this, but the fact you got those "women" your speaking of suprises me with all this insecurity, but i dont know if your telling the truth. the best approach to asking for advice from people (better at something than you) is being humble, it's not lying or trying to qualify for the advice. In reality a lot of the PUAs in this forum could have fucked any girl youve ever been in a relationship with,before, while, or after you were in the relationship. so don't treat us like some doctor you are paying for. stop lying to yourself and learn what PUA is all about:


The reason a lot of us PUAs don't tend to keep women in LTRs is because their is no benefit at our level. We don't need the security and emotional attachment, that seems to be important to you, because we know, no matter what, we are interesting and successful guys and their is always a beautiful woman out their we can A. fuck B. If we really want to have a relationship with AND keep it. It's easy to maintain, you obviously have to go back to fundamentals because the insecurites you are talking about are holding you back.

The only time these days i see my self wanting an LTR is for a pivot... constantly searching for the perfect woman, so that way, when i find her, which may be never, i will have experience, know what the f* im doing, be confident from all the other beauties in my life, have a lot of stories, and not be the same immature needy guy i started off as even with some natural male qualities. The goal is not an LTR. The goal is to become the ultimate man. to die remembered. the goal is to be immortal and invisible metaphorically speaking.

"I always seem to do something stupid to screw things up when I really don't want to........and half the time i don't even know what it is."

of course you don't want to, and you would learn to know what it is, if you knew how women worked, and also, you wouldn't care half as much if you knew what you were doing. Stop taking shortcuts, and read the truth about women, along with other articles.

"I've had several that i thought were going great and out of the blue I get dumped and don't know what hit me....and also don't feel like I learned from it because I'm not sure what happened."

PUA isn't about pick up. You would not have been dumped if you had game. you would not ask that question if you were confident about Pick up any way. It is time to learn and to fix your insides. you need some major reframing dude.

[Westfall]

Okay, this is a pick up forum. In here we talk about how to meet women and have sex with them ASAP. This is not a relationship forum.

I've gotta strongly disagree with this. If PU were just about having sex with women ASAP, I wouldn't be here. What's the point in that? I pity anyone who sees their interactions with women as nothing more than an effort to get sex, as I would find such life to be unfullfilling.

In my own personal anecdotal opinion, people who try to get sex ASAP from girls never do. It comes off as needy & insecure and girls pick up on this. Would Brad Pitt be in a rush to fuck a girl? Also, can we not bash newcomers?

My own personal goal in PU is geared more towards finding (and maintaining a good LTR). In fact, I had a discussion about my new theories on the subject with a lovely girl last night. If you'd like my thoughts on relationships, and why they fail, let me know....though my views are a bit unconvential.

Westfall

[Westfall]

I gotta respond to this, as I think it's just wrong.

just so you know, you are coming off as extremely insecure and a little idiotic.

Personally, I don't find your post insecure. You're just seeking to figure out what goes wrong and correct it so it doesn't happen in the future. That's not insecure, it's smart.

you obviously like many other guys think this is some sort of manipulation tactic or game, and don't understand what PUA is all about.

PU is an understanding of social dynamics that allows one to understand what creates attraction/comfort/rapport with women.

These tools can be used to accomplish a wide array of goals--useful to the guy who wants to fuck different hot girls every couple of weeks to the guy who wants to meet an outstanding girl worthy of spending a lifetime getting to know.

AND really if you had any game at all, you would know how to pick up women AND keep them. in a way you are trying to compensate for your lack of skill by getting better at something else.

This is completely nonsensical. This is like saying someone ordering Mint Choc. Chip at Baskin Robins is compensating for lack of desire Gold Medal Chocolate...Mmm, Ice cream... If SNL'ing a girl isn't what you want, then don't pursue that skillset.

I found that at one time I was at your point, so I'm not going to diss you. I am going to give you a reality check.

Ugh. Can you really make arrogant condenseding statements like this after reading a couple of paragraphs?

The world is awesome, but sometimes harsh. the fact that any guy can pick up any girl is great, that a guy can learn to steal a gf with a pattern... harsh.

This is not true. Some women are very loyal, more over, if they have a deep emotional connection with a guy they care about, they won't risk it as easily as some people on this board seem to believe. Women are just like men in this regard...most guys in a LTR would cheat, if they had the oppertunity to do so with a really attractive girl, and there were no concequences. Most men would probably fuck a girl in this situation....but not all men would.

The guy who brought me into the community has only been with ONE girl his entire life, and he will not cheat on her. It's not from lack of oppertunity by any means. There are women like this. A lot of people in the community find the community as a result of having negative experinces with women, as such a lot of them have a bitter/pessimistic view of women. The world isn't that harsh, there is such a thing as love and loyal women.

but how about stealing a girl without a pattern. It means you were outgamed. Losing a girl means you were outgamed. out- GAMED. someone be it the guy who took her or the girl, had better game than you. you GOT played. but it's not their fault, it's your fault because you didn't harness your skill well enough. Hence you have to not hate the player, rather hate the game.

There's a myriad of reasons your past relationships may have failed. It's true that some of the knowledge in the community may have preventing your past relationships from falling apart, but then again, maybe not. Lisa left Style for some jackass. Katya left Mystery for Herbal...and then left Herbal. Did all 3 of these PUAs get outgamed? There is an evolutionary penalty for staying in an exclusive relationship--this is embedded in our pychology.

Don't cry about being cockblocked. It shouldn't effect you unless your a little bitch.

So, if a guy loses a Loving LTR wiht a girl he cared deeply about, it shouldn't effect him...unless he's a little bitch? Does anyone else see how screwed up this mindset is?

Jealousy does not exist. being "dumped" does not exist. In a sense, the world of women is a game but not the GAME, you think it is, it's the same game you play when you wake up every morning. I'm sorry to say this, but the fact you got those "women" your speaking of suprises me with all this insecurity, but i dont know if your telling the truth. the best approach to asking for advice from people (better at something than you) is being humble, it's not lying or trying to qualify for the advice. In reality a lot of the PUAs in this forum could have fucked any girl youve ever been in a relationship with,before, while, or after you were in the relationship.

I like how people feel they can make claims like this when they in no way have enough information to make such a claim. There's a lot of diluted nonsense spewed out in the community. Also, your is a possesive, you're is a contraction for you and are.

The reason a lot of us PUAs don't tend to keep women in LTRs is because their is no benefit at our level. We don't need the security and emotional attachment, that seems to be important to you, because we know, no matter what, we are interesting and successful guys and their is always a beautiful woman out their we can A. fuck B. If we really want to have a relationship with AND keep it. It's easy to maintain, you obviously have to go back to fundamentals because the insecurites you are talking about are holding you back.

The reason a lot of PUAs get dumped by their girlfriends is because they are self-absorbed jackasses that are completely detached from reality. Go look at the relationship forums on mASF, and you will see that there are a lot of really great guys who have to work to maintain their relationsihps. Some PUAs I know are in relationships--relationships that work with really great girls. And yet they do things that a lot of self-proclaimed PUAs would critize as being "beta" or "suplicative" while at the same time wondering why they can't keep a girl for more than 3 months.

The only time these days i see my self wanting an LTR is for a pivot... constantly searching for the perfect woman, so that way, when i find her, which may be never, i will have experience, know what the f* im doing, be confident from all the other beauties in my life, have a lot of stories, and not be the same immature needy guy i started off as even with some natural male qualities. The goal is not an LTR. The goal is to become the ultimate man. to die remembered. the goal is to be immortal and invisible metaphorically speaking.

What is an "ultimate man"? Someone who looks back at their life & sees a life consisting of using women merely as a means to the end of findging another woman?

"I always seem to do something stupid to screw things up when I really don't want to........and half the time i don't even know what it is."

of course you don't want to, and you would learn to know what it is, if you knew how women worked, and also, you wouldn't care half as much if you knew what you were doing. Stop taking shortcuts, and read the truth about women, along with other articles.

Honestly, I think all you need to do is break rapport a lot more durring your relationships.

"I've had several that i thought were going great and out of the blue I get dumped and don't know what hit me....and also don't feel like I learned from it because I'm not sure what happened."

PUA isn't about pick up. You would not have been dumped if you had game. you would not ask that question if you were confident about Pick up any way. It is time to learn and to fix your insides. you need some major reframing dude.

PUA isn't about pick up.

--Quote of the year.

Rembrant, caustic responses to your question aside, I think you're doing well. I would recomend breaking rapport. By periodically doing this, you make her chase you & remind her she has to work to keep you. I did this last night with a girl (though not a LTR...yet anyway), and she chased me everytime. Push//pull type stuff. I had a 4.5 yr relationship where I would do this (not because I knew what I was doing, but because I'm a jackass). I've seen Magnus do this, he does it really well.

Westfall

[Rhody]

I have to weigh in here. WF said a lot of what I was going to say, actually.

This site is about anything you want to discuss. The only limitations are outlined in the forum rules. A subset of the members are in the community to learn skills to have sex with more and hotter women. Others want to get a grasp on the "relationship" portion of their life so they can have healthy relationships with women. There is no right or wrong reason to be here.

If you see a thread about relationships and it doesn't interest you, then don't participate. It's really very simple.

I happen to relate very strongly to this thread. When I first got separated, I jumped into a relationship with a girl who I was crazy about. And it turned out that she was crazy about me. She was also just a little crazy. But that's what I liked about her. However, having been in a marriage for a long time, I only knew that one relationship. I really didn't have a grasp on the skills needed to relate to women in general. This girl threw me some curve balls that I just couldn't handle. I was super chode! I was insecure and jealous and supplicative. She had her own problems that she needed to deal with. So I decided to break up with her. Clean break. And shortly after that I joined the community.

After a couple of months, we reestablished our friendship. Recently, over a year after the break-up, we started to see each other a little more. Then, all of a sudden, we saw each other three times in one week. However, this time around, having spent time in the community, sarging, reading the right books, working on self-improvement, establishing my own life, I am much better equipped for her. When she throws me a curve ball I just laugh because I can remember what a chode I was.

One interesting side-effect is that when I broke up with her I showed that I was willing to walk away. She took it hard, but she used it to motivate her to solve her own problems. The difference is night and day. I have more power in the relationship this time around, although I'm still not the type to use the power for selfish reasons. It's just that I'm the man in the relationship and I know how to play that role. I learned that through the community.

[Smile]

First, read some of the free articles/resources on this forum. Second, focus on (Westfall stated this too) push/pull. I am not an expert on LTRs but I think that it is all about calibration (just like picking up but not in every sense). You need to balance between comfort and attraction. Too much comfort and not enough attraction then things happen because you are comfortable and attraction diminishes. Too much attraction and not enough comfort and then she will be inclined to be a little "stand-offish" with new things. Remember, the attraction/comfort balance will be inclined to reach equilibrium but will never stay in an equilibrium state for more than a brief time, so you must constantly balance attraction and comfort. Sometimes you will want to attract more and other times comfort more. I am presently in a dating relationship with a pivot and have been using this model/idea and it has been working.

El Fenix wrote:
"Yes, this is a pick up forum. but things dont end at sex. P/u and sex is just the beginning."

Right on.

[Twitchy]

I have been in the community for a year and a half and have a very successful dating life. I have also had sex with a very large number of women. Yet I have never had a one night stand. I don't use this community to learn tricks to get sex. My goal is to be able to get any woman I want and keep her. I eventually want to get married and start a family. That is why I am here. If the next person I sleep with is the woman I make my wife, I would be a happy, happy man.

This community is about understanding women better - what motivates them, how they think, what they are attracted to, etc. (I find it ironic that it is made up of 99% men)

This community is also about self improvement. It is about how to make yourself better.

There are many ways to improve yourself and there are many men here with lots of different goals. Some want sex, others are looking for a mate, most are here to build self confidence, many of us are here for making friends and meeting new people.

I think the main reason that there is not a lot of relationship discussion on this board and in the community is that many PUAs don't have a lot of relationship experience. And if they do, it is with a limited amount of women. Also, to talk about relationships means sharing feelings and emotions which men in general are notoriously bad about doing.

My advice is this: You found the community for a reason. Determine your goal(s) of what you want from the community and work towards those. There is a lot of valuable information on this board and elsewhere on the internet about self improvement and women's thoughts and motivations. Read it, digest it and then go out and experience life.

You will find that you learn the most about women by being with women. Not reading about stuff written on the internet by a bunch of guys....

[Scoundrel]

There are forums about dealing with LTRs. I don’t understand why anyone would post asking about LTRs in a pick up forum. It doesn’t make sense to me. Will you be asking us about how to deal with your step kids next? What about your mother-in-law?