Dallas PUA
The Pickup Artist Playground
Taking Back Our Manhood
21 posts
• Page 2 of 3 • 1, 2, 3
by Guest » Fri May 01, 2009 10:34 am
Your Balance Sheet, Taking a Count
In my last chapter, I posted what I believe to be the, admittedly, simplified recipe for growth.
Just to recap:
Forge a vision
Do the work
Persevere
Manage your journey
And, write it down
To better explain this recipe I used the example of me shedding a lot of weight. Again, this was a very simplified example. We all want to be healthy. We all want to look our very best. And, we all know that the way to lose weight is to be more active and eat healthier. So, this specific journey only really requires that you persevere and properly manage the obstacles that inevitably get in the way.
What about those times in which you cannot see your vision? How can you open your own eyes to become something that you’ve never known you want before?
Crafting a Vision that Doesn’t Exist
If you’re lucky, like me, you’ve run across a handful of people in your life that can see the future. No, I don’t mean clairvoyant. What I mean is that they look at you, they listen to you, and they don’t see you in your current state. Instead, they see what you will become.
I have had the privilege in my life to run across a handful of these figures. My first girl-friend who was my boss at my first job (Kay-Bee toys), was 6 years my senior, and married. She never saw me for what I was back then, an awkward, scared, pathetic 16 year-old kid. No, she saw me in a totally different way. She saw me as a funny, highly intelligent, confident, man. I remember her telling me that she loved me so because “I was a leader than didn’t give a shit if anyone followed.†And for those that know me you can probably see the exact same thing today that she saw 13 years ago.
Another was my professional mentor. A seasoned professional and very well respected in the Dallas small business community that listened to the business and investing ideas of a wet-behind-the-ears 20 year-old kid. For a long stretch, I was his right hand man. Again, here was a person that saw more in me that I even believed I could deliver. Time and time again he made me stretch to be that person that he believed I was. Eventually, I made it there.
You see, these people, just to name a few, gave me something to believe. I respected them. They saw something more in me, something great. So, I took them at their word and I began to believe. And, belief can get you very far.
But, fast forward a few years and I found that I didn’t really have people like this in my life any longer. I didn’t have people that regularly put me to the test and pushed me to blossom into their vision. And, it sucked. I found myself floating through a period in which I had no vision because no one had that vision for me.
So, I found myself at home, a lot. And, while I was at home I found myself watching movies and TV shows, a lot. And, I remember always thinking to myself, I wish I was this or that. I longed for what was on the screen. I’m not referring to material objects, instead I’m referring to personality characteristics. The soft stuff, a person’s grit, determination, wit, charm, humor, presence, etc.
Now, I’m not a huge advocate of pop culture and I recognize and concede that it plants a lot of the wrong things in our heads. But, every now and again the movies and TV shows get it right…even if just for a scene. Slowly, I began watching films and shows with a completely different frame. Instead of watching this stuff for purely entertainment purposes, I began watching it for educational purposes. Sure, I understood that this stuff was fantasy, but that does not mean that the traits and characteristics and mannerisms of the actors and the characters they play are not based in reality. After all, these are real people. So, I began to study. I would wait for scenes and movies and characters and lines and situations that elicited an emotional reaction, for whatever reason, and then try to dissect what it was I saw on screen and why it appealed to me.
What did I like? What did I not? What things did I wish I could emulate? What things could I already emulate?
In essence, I was trying to build a new person that I thought I wanted to become.
I know it sounds hookie. And, I know what you’re thinking. How can someone that’s broken fix themselves by filtering the real world through their own thoughts? Is that even possible?
Absolutely.
You see, after watching enough film with the frame that you’re looking at the soft stuff, the personality dynamics of the characters in film, you begin to see patterns. Certain truths emerge. The genre doesn’t matter. You could watch an independent film, a coming of age story, a CGI blockbuster, a sci-fi film, a chick flick, a comedy, any and all types of film. I would actually recommend that you do watch as many genres as you can stand, regardless of the genre you’ll see that characters generally interact with each other in the same basic ways. Anger is anger. Lust is lust. Attraction is attraction. The overall context of each dynamic doesn’t matter.
While the story lines and character dynamics will change, you’ll see that the character traits that are valued in the film are very universal. I’m not going to list them here because this is your job. This is your homework. Understand that I choose cinema because it is less time consuming than reading and doesn’t require my participation on a more active level, in other words I can focus solely on the TV and not worry about engaging real people in real conversation.
I know what this sounds like, especially coming from Bull “don’t you fucking tell me what to do†Run. But, please understand that something went wrong along the way for us. We can’t rely on just ourselves any longer to teach ourselves what is and is not valued in our society (understand what we say we value and what we really value are different). Although there is a ton of movies that blatantly attempt to appeal to what we think we want, the really good ones appeal to what we truly value. In fact, this is exactly what makes a film great…they don’t try to appeal to the things that we trick ourselves into believing. They’re raw, they’re real. This is what makes them great and, we as aspiring men and PUAs can use this greatness to educate us.
As we try to figure out who it is that we want to become, in the beginning, we have to have some context when we try to figure out what it is that we are or want to become. Doing it without this context is like a man trying to lift the bucket he’s standing in by the handle, you just can’t do it. This is why looking at the outside world, initially, for guidance is important (Understand that once you have a good vision of what you wish to become that pop culture has only marginal use for our growth).
As you watch the world you’re going to see things in a totally different light. And, as you see traits and dynamics that you wish to possess, be sure to write them down. Create a book of traits and characters that you find appealing. You’ll need these notes to craft a vision.
For those of you that doubt that we can learn from movies, I was watching a movie the other day called The Grifters. It was a good movie, the music was a little cheesy but for its day it was appropriate. If you don’t think PUA-esque characteristics exist in movies, think again. Check out this clip, fast forward to 8:15 and watch the interaction between John Cusak and the nurse. [link=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDaNyZGxt5g]Clip[/link]
Get it now? Sure, he didn’t pull the nurse. But, I sense that attraction was sparked. I also sense that the nurse was very shy and not sexually confident which was, in my opinion, the reason that she didn’t act on his overtures. For you experienced guys out there, can you see how what he said and did could work? I know I can.
If you sit back and let film elicit emotional responses from you, then go back and study why you felt the way you did/do, then you’re going to see things that you never saw before. In essence, you’re bridging the all important thought processing gap that we, as men, have. You’re taking an emotion that you feel and by processing it through our rational brains you begin to understand what it is and why it exists. Doing this turns that emotion from a feeling to a belief. The difference between the two is huge, because we don’t have confidence in our feelings BUT we do have confidence in our beliefs…that’s pretty much what makes a belief a belief, confidence.
Listmania
At some point, I started writing everything down that I saw. Routinely, I would pause a movie to run to the other room to write something down in my notebook. I made an absurd number of lists in this notebook. Things like:
Positive Traits I Possess
Negative Traits I Wish to Change
Traits I Wish to Possess
Things I Think People Find Attractive
The Types of Things I Want in a Woman
The Different Types of Leading Men, and they’re ranking in relation to what I want to emulate
The Different Types of Leading Women, and they’re ranking in accordance to my preferences
I know it seems stupid, but you have got to write this shit down. If you don’t, it gets lost in your head. If you don’t, it never feels real. Think about a time in which you took an idea and made it real. Remember how that made you feel? Do you understand the importance now? Write it down. Everything.
Your Balance Sheet
Eventually as I wrote out all of these things and ideas and thoughts and traits and lists I slowly came up with the idea of creating a personal balance sheet. The goal here was to list all of the positive and negative traits I possessed as an individual, understand that I had to be 100% fair with myself AND I had to look through society’s eyes (in other words, I had to try to determine what society would think is positive and negative not what I thought…after your film exercise this should be very easy to do).
After I created my balance sheet, I ascribed a number between 1 and 10 to each trait. Again, I tried to view the ‘value’ of this trait through the eyes of society. My goal was to create a value for myself and to identify places that would have the greatest pay-off for me.
For example, I considered wearing glasses a negative 2. It’s not that big of a deal, but is still considered to be negative.
After I crafted my balance sheet, I forwarded it to two close friends who’s opinion I trusted 100%. And, I had them rate each of my traits (they did not know what I rated them as) and I had them determine if the trait was a liability or an asset (again, I did not tell them what I classified each as). I also gave them the freedom to add some to the list in case I missed anything, and delete things that they felt didn’t belong.
When I got theirs back, I complied an average balance sheet with average scores. No, I will not tell you how low my score was. Fact is that if you’re being truthful and if they’re being truthful, your score should be pretty low. Yours should be lower than theirs.
The movies gave me the vision, they gave me a good indicator of what assets I should possess and which liabilities I should not possess. The balance sheet was the road map.
Changing Your Value
There are five ways to change your value:
Increase the value of your assets while keeping the value of your liabilities the same
Decrease the value of your liabilities while keeping the value of your assets the same
Those are obvious.
Securing a new asset or jettisoning a liability
Again, obvious.
And, turning a liability into an asset.
Yes, a liability can become an asset. Take my glasses. For most of my life people considered my glasses to be a liability, and so did I. Until, I watched “American Psycho†and saw the premium these guys placed on the right glasses. They wore them even if they didn’t need to simply to make a statement. So, one day I walked into the optometrist and bought a pair of trendy glasses. To this day, I always make sure to wear very stylish glasses…and, to this day I get compliments on them all the time. From a stylistic and visual perspective, my glasses are one of my most important distinguishing physical features. If you look hard enough, you can turn a lot of liabilities into assets. You just have to be creative.
Further, if you frame it correctly, just about anything can be an asset. Take being part of the community. It is considered by many to be a liability, an admission of guilt for being socially awkward. Or, an admission that you’re a playboy. Either way it’s not generally considered a good thing, but it doesn’t matter if you frame it correctly. Just the other day I was talking to a co-worker and telling her about the community without telling her it was a community of men that seek to pick-up women. Instead I told her about what we talk about and what we seek to accomplish, namely growth into men. She thought it was the coolest thing she’d ever heard and had tons of questions about it. If I hadn’t framed it that way, it would not have been the asset that I turned it into.
This brings us to work. Each trait that encompasses your vision has a unique set of prescriptions.
Let’s say you want to become funnier. Well, read about how to tell jokes, read the jokes of comedians, watch their stand-up routines, think about what they’re saying, figure out how they think, how they see the world, tell jokes to yourself in the mirror, learn to create a character for yourself, and learn how to make that character funny and charming. Become a student of humor. Then, go out in the world and emulate it.
If you wish to be more aggressive, then do it. Don’t back down from confrontations. Don’t be afraid to ask for forgiveness instead of permission.
It really is that simple. You see, the hard part is not in becoming what it is that you envision. The hard part is in knowing what it is that you want to become.
If we have a solid, firm, and viable vision of ourselves, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And, the last thing that you need is this: faith.
Gentlemen, this is the secret. You’ve got to believe in yourself. You have your balance sheet, you have your vision, now you have to trust that you’re going to hold yourself accountable and get to work. Focus on a few items at a time, or ONE BIG ONE. But, with your balance sheet in hand, you now know what to do. Just understand that if you’re hungry enough and you believe, almost to a fault, then you’ll achieve that for which you’re striving.
Just to put it in perspective. If you have a solid vision of what you wish to become, then you’re already light years ahead of the rest of the world. They’re walking in the dark to nowhere, you on the other hand see that path that you need to walk.
On my online dating profiles, I have this quote: “I know what I want, and I’m walking the path…want to come along for the ride?â€
Over the years, it has been one of the most commented on quotes that I have in my profile. You see, women don’t care what your vision is, within reason of course. What they care about is 1) do you have a vision 2) are you doing what’s necessary to realize that vision. A man on a mission, is one of the most attractive things in the world.
In my last chapter, I posted what I believe to be the, admittedly, simplified recipe for growth.
Just to recap:
Forge a vision
Do the work
Persevere
Manage your journey
And, write it down
To better explain this recipe I used the example of me shedding a lot of weight. Again, this was a very simplified example. We all want to be healthy. We all want to look our very best. And, we all know that the way to lose weight is to be more active and eat healthier. So, this specific journey only really requires that you persevere and properly manage the obstacles that inevitably get in the way.
What about those times in which you cannot see your vision? How can you open your own eyes to become something that you’ve never known you want before?
Crafting a Vision that Doesn’t Exist
If you’re lucky, like me, you’ve run across a handful of people in your life that can see the future. No, I don’t mean clairvoyant. What I mean is that they look at you, they listen to you, and they don’t see you in your current state. Instead, they see what you will become.
I have had the privilege in my life to run across a handful of these figures. My first girl-friend who was my boss at my first job (Kay-Bee toys), was 6 years my senior, and married. She never saw me for what I was back then, an awkward, scared, pathetic 16 year-old kid. No, she saw me in a totally different way. She saw me as a funny, highly intelligent, confident, man. I remember her telling me that she loved me so because “I was a leader than didn’t give a shit if anyone followed.†And for those that know me you can probably see the exact same thing today that she saw 13 years ago.
Another was my professional mentor. A seasoned professional and very well respected in the Dallas small business community that listened to the business and investing ideas of a wet-behind-the-ears 20 year-old kid. For a long stretch, I was his right hand man. Again, here was a person that saw more in me that I even believed I could deliver. Time and time again he made me stretch to be that person that he believed I was. Eventually, I made it there.
You see, these people, just to name a few, gave me something to believe. I respected them. They saw something more in me, something great. So, I took them at their word and I began to believe. And, belief can get you very far.
But, fast forward a few years and I found that I didn’t really have people like this in my life any longer. I didn’t have people that regularly put me to the test and pushed me to blossom into their vision. And, it sucked. I found myself floating through a period in which I had no vision because no one had that vision for me.
So, I found myself at home, a lot. And, while I was at home I found myself watching movies and TV shows, a lot. And, I remember always thinking to myself, I wish I was this or that. I longed for what was on the screen. I’m not referring to material objects, instead I’m referring to personality characteristics. The soft stuff, a person’s grit, determination, wit, charm, humor, presence, etc.
Now, I’m not a huge advocate of pop culture and I recognize and concede that it plants a lot of the wrong things in our heads. But, every now and again the movies and TV shows get it right…even if just for a scene. Slowly, I began watching films and shows with a completely different frame. Instead of watching this stuff for purely entertainment purposes, I began watching it for educational purposes. Sure, I understood that this stuff was fantasy, but that does not mean that the traits and characteristics and mannerisms of the actors and the characters they play are not based in reality. After all, these are real people. So, I began to study. I would wait for scenes and movies and characters and lines and situations that elicited an emotional reaction, for whatever reason, and then try to dissect what it was I saw on screen and why it appealed to me.
What did I like? What did I not? What things did I wish I could emulate? What things could I already emulate?
In essence, I was trying to build a new person that I thought I wanted to become.
I know it sounds hookie. And, I know what you’re thinking. How can someone that’s broken fix themselves by filtering the real world through their own thoughts? Is that even possible?
Absolutely.
You see, after watching enough film with the frame that you’re looking at the soft stuff, the personality dynamics of the characters in film, you begin to see patterns. Certain truths emerge. The genre doesn’t matter. You could watch an independent film, a coming of age story, a CGI blockbuster, a sci-fi film, a chick flick, a comedy, any and all types of film. I would actually recommend that you do watch as many genres as you can stand, regardless of the genre you’ll see that characters generally interact with each other in the same basic ways. Anger is anger. Lust is lust. Attraction is attraction. The overall context of each dynamic doesn’t matter.
While the story lines and character dynamics will change, you’ll see that the character traits that are valued in the film are very universal. I’m not going to list them here because this is your job. This is your homework. Understand that I choose cinema because it is less time consuming than reading and doesn’t require my participation on a more active level, in other words I can focus solely on the TV and not worry about engaging real people in real conversation.
I know what this sounds like, especially coming from Bull “don’t you fucking tell me what to do†Run. But, please understand that something went wrong along the way for us. We can’t rely on just ourselves any longer to teach ourselves what is and is not valued in our society (understand what we say we value and what we really value are different). Although there is a ton of movies that blatantly attempt to appeal to what we think we want, the really good ones appeal to what we truly value. In fact, this is exactly what makes a film great…they don’t try to appeal to the things that we trick ourselves into believing. They’re raw, they’re real. This is what makes them great and, we as aspiring men and PUAs can use this greatness to educate us.
As we try to figure out who it is that we want to become, in the beginning, we have to have some context when we try to figure out what it is that we are or want to become. Doing it without this context is like a man trying to lift the bucket he’s standing in by the handle, you just can’t do it. This is why looking at the outside world, initially, for guidance is important (Understand that once you have a good vision of what you wish to become that pop culture has only marginal use for our growth).
As you watch the world you’re going to see things in a totally different light. And, as you see traits and dynamics that you wish to possess, be sure to write them down. Create a book of traits and characters that you find appealing. You’ll need these notes to craft a vision.
For those of you that doubt that we can learn from movies, I was watching a movie the other day called The Grifters. It was a good movie, the music was a little cheesy but for its day it was appropriate. If you don’t think PUA-esque characteristics exist in movies, think again. Check out this clip, fast forward to 8:15 and watch the interaction between John Cusak and the nurse. [link=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDaNyZGxt5g]Clip[/link]
Get it now? Sure, he didn’t pull the nurse. But, I sense that attraction was sparked. I also sense that the nurse was very shy and not sexually confident which was, in my opinion, the reason that she didn’t act on his overtures. For you experienced guys out there, can you see how what he said and did could work? I know I can.
If you sit back and let film elicit emotional responses from you, then go back and study why you felt the way you did/do, then you’re going to see things that you never saw before. In essence, you’re bridging the all important thought processing gap that we, as men, have. You’re taking an emotion that you feel and by processing it through our rational brains you begin to understand what it is and why it exists. Doing this turns that emotion from a feeling to a belief. The difference between the two is huge, because we don’t have confidence in our feelings BUT we do have confidence in our beliefs…that’s pretty much what makes a belief a belief, confidence.
Listmania
At some point, I started writing everything down that I saw. Routinely, I would pause a movie to run to the other room to write something down in my notebook. I made an absurd number of lists in this notebook. Things like:
Positive Traits I Possess
Negative Traits I Wish to Change
Traits I Wish to Possess
Things I Think People Find Attractive
The Types of Things I Want in a Woman
The Different Types of Leading Men, and they’re ranking in relation to what I want to emulate
The Different Types of Leading Women, and they’re ranking in accordance to my preferences
I know it seems stupid, but you have got to write this shit down. If you don’t, it gets lost in your head. If you don’t, it never feels real. Think about a time in which you took an idea and made it real. Remember how that made you feel? Do you understand the importance now? Write it down. Everything.
Your Balance Sheet
Eventually as I wrote out all of these things and ideas and thoughts and traits and lists I slowly came up with the idea of creating a personal balance sheet. The goal here was to list all of the positive and negative traits I possessed as an individual, understand that I had to be 100% fair with myself AND I had to look through society’s eyes (in other words, I had to try to determine what society would think is positive and negative not what I thought…after your film exercise this should be very easy to do).
After I created my balance sheet, I ascribed a number between 1 and 10 to each trait. Again, I tried to view the ‘value’ of this trait through the eyes of society. My goal was to create a value for myself and to identify places that would have the greatest pay-off for me.
For example, I considered wearing glasses a negative 2. It’s not that big of a deal, but is still considered to be negative.
After I crafted my balance sheet, I forwarded it to two close friends who’s opinion I trusted 100%. And, I had them rate each of my traits (they did not know what I rated them as) and I had them determine if the trait was a liability or an asset (again, I did not tell them what I classified each as). I also gave them the freedom to add some to the list in case I missed anything, and delete things that they felt didn’t belong.
When I got theirs back, I complied an average balance sheet with average scores. No, I will not tell you how low my score was. Fact is that if you’re being truthful and if they’re being truthful, your score should be pretty low. Yours should be lower than theirs.
The movies gave me the vision, they gave me a good indicator of what assets I should possess and which liabilities I should not possess. The balance sheet was the road map.
Changing Your Value
There are five ways to change your value:
Increase the value of your assets while keeping the value of your liabilities the same
Decrease the value of your liabilities while keeping the value of your assets the same
Those are obvious.
Securing a new asset or jettisoning a liability
Again, obvious.
And, turning a liability into an asset.
Yes, a liability can become an asset. Take my glasses. For most of my life people considered my glasses to be a liability, and so did I. Until, I watched “American Psycho†and saw the premium these guys placed on the right glasses. They wore them even if they didn’t need to simply to make a statement. So, one day I walked into the optometrist and bought a pair of trendy glasses. To this day, I always make sure to wear very stylish glasses…and, to this day I get compliments on them all the time. From a stylistic and visual perspective, my glasses are one of my most important distinguishing physical features. If you look hard enough, you can turn a lot of liabilities into assets. You just have to be creative.
Further, if you frame it correctly, just about anything can be an asset. Take being part of the community. It is considered by many to be a liability, an admission of guilt for being socially awkward. Or, an admission that you’re a playboy. Either way it’s not generally considered a good thing, but it doesn’t matter if you frame it correctly. Just the other day I was talking to a co-worker and telling her about the community without telling her it was a community of men that seek to pick-up women. Instead I told her about what we talk about and what we seek to accomplish, namely growth into men. She thought it was the coolest thing she’d ever heard and had tons of questions about it. If I hadn’t framed it that way, it would not have been the asset that I turned it into.
This brings us to work. Each trait that encompasses your vision has a unique set of prescriptions.
Let’s say you want to become funnier. Well, read about how to tell jokes, read the jokes of comedians, watch their stand-up routines, think about what they’re saying, figure out how they think, how they see the world, tell jokes to yourself in the mirror, learn to create a character for yourself, and learn how to make that character funny and charming. Become a student of humor. Then, go out in the world and emulate it.
If you wish to be more aggressive, then do it. Don’t back down from confrontations. Don’t be afraid to ask for forgiveness instead of permission.
It really is that simple. You see, the hard part is not in becoming what it is that you envision. The hard part is in knowing what it is that you want to become.
If we have a solid, firm, and viable vision of ourselves, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And, the last thing that you need is this: faith.
Gentlemen, this is the secret. You’ve got to believe in yourself. You have your balance sheet, you have your vision, now you have to trust that you’re going to hold yourself accountable and get to work. Focus on a few items at a time, or ONE BIG ONE. But, with your balance sheet in hand, you now know what to do. Just understand that if you’re hungry enough and you believe, almost to a fault, then you’ll achieve that for which you’re striving.
Just to put it in perspective. If you have a solid vision of what you wish to become, then you’re already light years ahead of the rest of the world. They’re walking in the dark to nowhere, you on the other hand see that path that you need to walk.
On my online dating profiles, I have this quote: “I know what I want, and I’m walking the path…want to come along for the ride?â€
Over the years, it has been one of the most commented on quotes that I have in my profile. You see, women don’t care what your vision is, within reason of course. What they care about is 1) do you have a vision 2) are you doing what’s necessary to realize that vision. A man on a mission, is one of the most attractive things in the world.
- Guest
by Guest » Fri May 15, 2009 2:24 pm
I've written about the importance of being alone before and it's impact on your Game [link=http://www.dallaslair.org/p/forum/forum_viewtopic.php?20806]here[/link].
Getting out of town is a great way to reflect. And, you'll need that on any journey you decide to make in your life. Distancing yourself, in a physical way, from your current life allows you to become slightly more objective about your life and the path you're on. Think of it as leaving the trees so you can see the forest. When you're caught up in your day-to-day life, with all of it's demands and rituals you tend to lose sight of what it is that you're working toward. In our case, we're striving to become great PUAs or strong men.
It's unrealistic to believe that we can work at improving ourselves without taking time off to reflect, rest, and compose yourself for the work to come. Shit, even God took a day off!
Part of learning and growing is understanding when it is the appropriate time to take a step back. I'm in no position to tell you when your time to take a step back comes, only you know when it's time. For me, I can tell it's time for me to take some time when I find myself viewing my journey in a cynical manner. When I view the gym as a chore, I take a few days off. When I see work as tedious, I take a three day weekend. When I get frustrated with my LTR, I take a couple of nights to be alone. When I used to get bitter about stupid bar rats, I took a weekend off from sarging. You get the idea.
The problem with this, and why I'm even bringing it up, is because we, as a society, tend to think that we must always be DOING SOMETHING. Anything, it doesn't matter. You see, if you aren't doing something then you're regressing. But, this just isn't the case at all. I think of 'time off' or sabbaticals as our time to sleep.
I had a teacher once that, by his own account, virtually never slept. He was one of those young, charismatic types that all the girls wanted and all the guys wanted to be. He used to tell us that we only got in 2 to 3 hours a night, because as he put it "I'm not going to spend a third of my life asleep." I understood his philosophy, and even admired it. Shit, I even gave it a shot for a couple of weeks and, admittedly, I immediately saw the appeal to such a lifestyle. But, the price you pay was way too high. I simply couldn't function...I wasn't sure how he did. Later, I would find out that he never slept because he was always on coke or speed or something that prevent him from feeling tired. Years later, I got word that he died from an overdose. And, while my classmates that had him as a teacher mourned his loss, I could only think that he probably was 'awake' the same amount of time as a person 20 years older than him.
The point is simple. Our race is a long one. So, slow down. Take your time. Growth comes in fits and spurts. Just because you aren't doing something, doesn't mean you aren't working. Also, the times in which we are not working are the times where we tend to understand our journey better, they're the times we find what we're looking for.
There is nothing wrong with taking time, getting out of town, or spending time alone with just your thoughts. We all have a long journey ahead of us, so let's make sure we take the time, on occasion, to ensure that we're on the right path.
I used to chastise those guys that took a break from PU. I never did really understand how you can 'stop' striving to be a PUA. This is a lifestyle right? It never made sense to me. Now, I understand that they were just taking a nap. The key is that you wake up and get back on track.
Getting out of town is a great way to reflect. And, you'll need that on any journey you decide to make in your life. Distancing yourself, in a physical way, from your current life allows you to become slightly more objective about your life and the path you're on. Think of it as leaving the trees so you can see the forest. When you're caught up in your day-to-day life, with all of it's demands and rituals you tend to lose sight of what it is that you're working toward. In our case, we're striving to become great PUAs or strong men.
It's unrealistic to believe that we can work at improving ourselves without taking time off to reflect, rest, and compose yourself for the work to come. Shit, even God took a day off!
Part of learning and growing is understanding when it is the appropriate time to take a step back. I'm in no position to tell you when your time to take a step back comes, only you know when it's time. For me, I can tell it's time for me to take some time when I find myself viewing my journey in a cynical manner. When I view the gym as a chore, I take a few days off. When I see work as tedious, I take a three day weekend. When I get frustrated with my LTR, I take a couple of nights to be alone. When I used to get bitter about stupid bar rats, I took a weekend off from sarging. You get the idea.
The problem with this, and why I'm even bringing it up, is because we, as a society, tend to think that we must always be DOING SOMETHING. Anything, it doesn't matter. You see, if you aren't doing something then you're regressing. But, this just isn't the case at all. I think of 'time off' or sabbaticals as our time to sleep.
I had a teacher once that, by his own account, virtually never slept. He was one of those young, charismatic types that all the girls wanted and all the guys wanted to be. He used to tell us that we only got in 2 to 3 hours a night, because as he put it "I'm not going to spend a third of my life asleep." I understood his philosophy, and even admired it. Shit, I even gave it a shot for a couple of weeks and, admittedly, I immediately saw the appeal to such a lifestyle. But, the price you pay was way too high. I simply couldn't function...I wasn't sure how he did. Later, I would find out that he never slept because he was always on coke or speed or something that prevent him from feeling tired. Years later, I got word that he died from an overdose. And, while my classmates that had him as a teacher mourned his loss, I could only think that he probably was 'awake' the same amount of time as a person 20 years older than him.
The point is simple. Our race is a long one. So, slow down. Take your time. Growth comes in fits and spurts. Just because you aren't doing something, doesn't mean you aren't working. Also, the times in which we are not working are the times where we tend to understand our journey better, they're the times we find what we're looking for.
There is nothing wrong with taking time, getting out of town, or spending time alone with just your thoughts. We all have a long journey ahead of us, so let's make sure we take the time, on occasion, to ensure that we're on the right path.
I used to chastise those guys that took a break from PU. I never did really understand how you can 'stop' striving to be a PUA. This is a lifestyle right? It never made sense to me. Now, I understand that they were just taking a nap. The key is that you wake up and get back on track.
- Guest
by Guest » Thu May 28, 2009 7:13 pm
[quote1243555878=Bull Run]
Don't think we're losing something as men?
Take a look:
[link=http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-u-of-c-mens-groupmay19,0,4707353.story]Link[/link]
In an ever increasingly protectionist society, we are the hunted.
[/quote1243555878]
If they would have started a "women in power" group would there be a fuss over it and an article written on it? Probably not. A bit of a double standard, yes?
Don't think we're losing something as men?
Take a look:
[link=http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-u-of-c-mens-groupmay19,0,4707353.story]Link[/link]
In an ever increasingly protectionist society, we are the hunted.
[/quote1243555878]
If they would have started a "women in power" group would there be a fuss over it and an article written on it? Probably not. A bit of a double standard, yes?
- Guest
by Guest » Sun Jun 07, 2009 2:50 pm
Earlier today I was at the car wash. While I was there, I was watching Fox News. (Understand that I don't have cable, so watching ANY cable is a treat...but, honestly, Fox ROCKS a camels ass!!!!!)
Anyway, the topic of discussion was Chrysler and GM and, more broadly, bail outs. And, before the commentaters and pontificators chimed in on this fully, something occurred to me:
In a free society should be not be allowed the freedom to succeed as well as fail?
Do we not learn MORE from our failures than from out successes?
Is the truth found in what we could not achieve as oppossed to what we were able to conquer?
I write this now because the only way, the best way, to learn is through failure.
When I first entered the Community, I understood this premise and I used it to my advantage. The goal, at least initially, for me was to fail. Fail at opening with outlandish openers, fail at isoloation with creepy vibes, fail at day2s with social horror...all in the name of science. My goal. To learn through failure. And, guess what? I did.
So, here's what I pose to you. If we learn more from our failures than from our successes, then by all means fail...
The reality is that the only true failure is one in which you don't take your failures and LEARN from them...
See you in the scene.
Anyway, the topic of discussion was Chrysler and GM and, more broadly, bail outs. And, before the commentaters and pontificators chimed in on this fully, something occurred to me:
In a free society should be not be allowed the freedom to succeed as well as fail?
Do we not learn MORE from our failures than from out successes?
Is the truth found in what we could not achieve as oppossed to what we were able to conquer?
I write this now because the only way, the best way, to learn is through failure.
When I first entered the Community, I understood this premise and I used it to my advantage. The goal, at least initially, for me was to fail. Fail at opening with outlandish openers, fail at isoloation with creepy vibes, fail at day2s with social horror...all in the name of science. My goal. To learn through failure. And, guess what? I did.
So, here's what I pose to you. If we learn more from our failures than from our successes, then by all means fail...
The reality is that the only true failure is one in which you don't take your failures and LEARN from them...
See you in the scene.
- Guest
by Guest » Tue Jun 30, 2009 4:35 am
It's interesting you mention writing it down... not only does it help embed it into concrete memory... but if you believe in our own abilities as humans it's what some people call "one of the forms of manifestation" :)
An idea is sprung in corporate America... the idea is vocalized to a team.. the team discusses and brainstorms determining their objective... this is all taken into notes and a road-map.
Not to side track the thread.. but the human brain and how it memorizes things really fascinates me. Electric synaptic shocks create firmer threads the more they are "shocked".
This is why they tell people to write it out.. or read it twenty times to memorize it.
Just put your mind to it... anything is possible. :)
<3
An idea is sprung in corporate America... the idea is vocalized to a team.. the team discusses and brainstorms determining their objective... this is all taken into notes and a road-map.
Not to side track the thread.. but the human brain and how it memorizes things really fascinates me. Electric synaptic shocks create firmer threads the more they are "shocked".
This is why they tell people to write it out.. or read it twenty times to memorize it.
Just put your mind to it... anything is possible. :)
<3
- Guest
by Guest » Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:57 pm
Success
I have not written on this thread in a while, for this I am sorry. But, lately, I haven't really had anything truly meaningful to write. So, instead of forcing the issue, I've decided to let something grow organically inside of me...this way I stay true to myself and what I believe.
Anyway, enough of that...today, I'm going to talk about success. But, not success in the way that you and I, as fellow Community members, traditionally think of it. Instead, I'm going to talk about success in much, much more broad terms.
Earlier this weekend, a friend of mine that I've known for a while came in town. Some of you have met him and, unfortunately, he rubbed many the wrong way. Understandbly so. I'm not here to defend him or take a side. I'm being objective when I say that he is one of the more skillful PUAs that I've met. Remember that word, skillful, it's hugely important.
Continuing, he and I hooked up and went sarging. Now, understand that we're both 180 degrees different from where we were last year at this time. He has a steady LTR that he adores. I am 100% uninterested in picking up random chicks (if life is a triangle, with health, wealth, and love at each point of the triangle, then I'm focusing on wealth and health...love be damned). So, there's the back story. Two guys, that by many accounts are very skillful at our trade but are not focusing on that aspect of our lives at this point in time.
So, we hit Uptown. And, we try to 'force' ourselves to run game. I suppose we thought a drink or two, a bar, and a handful of attractive women would snap us back into PUA mode. Well, we were wrong...
The entire night was a farce. He got too drunk and I got bored and frustrated because I felt wrong. Not, wrong in the sense that I was doing something I should not be doing, but wrong in the sense that I felt like I was trying to be someone I was not.
Obviously, this got me thinking...how could I no longer identify with that which I spent so much time learning? Why did this feel unnatural to me? Why did, for the fist time ever, I feel like a fraud?
My thinking and analysis eventually led me down the path of thinking about what success is all about. What are the components of success? What are the symptoms? The side-effects? What does it take to succeed?
Sure, skill is part of it. As is luck. And, hard work. But, as with anything in the world, there's always an 'X' factor. What is it that is driving these components of success? The answer I came up with is hunger.
Drive, ambition, determination, the idea that you have a specific purpose and you will fulfill that promise at all costs. This is the 'X' factor behind any form of success.
Hunger pushes you to work harder. Hunger pushes you to develop your skill set, even in the face of failure. Hunger keeps you going. It's what pushes us to be the best we can possible be at any endeavor we so choose.
When I think of success and achievement I don't think of God given natural talent, I don't think of dumb luck, I don't think of toiling away while others are done for the day. No, I think of hunger. I think of determination. I think of drive. I think of want.
When I hear people say things like: I need more money, I need a nicer place, I need a cooler girl-friend, I need to be better with women, etc, etc, etc AND then don't do anything to fix the problem of which they are complaining, I understand that you may WANT something but you don't WANT it enough to do what is required for you to actually fulfill those desires.
Success is measured in terms of dollars, women, material objects, IQ points, body fat percent, whatever it is that you choose to determine success. But, it is driven 100% of the time by the hunger and desire of the person pursuing a goal.
The other night, I understood something. At this point in my life, I'm not hungry enough to put in the time, effort, emotional and psychological strength necessary to run solid game. I simply don't want it right now. It's not a function of skill, it's a function of hunger.
I understand that the theory of 'hunger' driving success can easily turn into an excuse for not being good at something. You know, I failed because I just didn't want it bad enough. This is a slippery slope that I implore you to not go down. Instead, I ask that you look at your life objectively and ask yourself the question of how much do I want this? This being anything that you covet or wish to attain. The cold hard facts are this: if you want an education and yet don't have one it's because you don't really want it that much, if you aren't good at game it's because you don't really want it that much, if you aren't wealthy it's because you don't really want it that much.
You see, the only ones that ever hold us back are ourselves. If we truly don't have a hunger, a drive, a taste for whatever it is that we think we want, then guess what? We don't really want it...
Give me two PUAs on which to bet my life's savings. One that is skillful but not particularly hungry, and one that is hungry but not particularly skillful. Then, force me to wager all that I've earned in my lifetime on the success on one versus the other. I'll take the one with the most enthusiasm and hunger over the one with the greatest skill everytime.
Hunger trumpets all...hunger is what makes us better than everyone else...
See you in the scene
I have not written on this thread in a while, for this I am sorry. But, lately, I haven't really had anything truly meaningful to write. So, instead of forcing the issue, I've decided to let something grow organically inside of me...this way I stay true to myself and what I believe.
Anyway, enough of that...today, I'm going to talk about success. But, not success in the way that you and I, as fellow Community members, traditionally think of it. Instead, I'm going to talk about success in much, much more broad terms.
Earlier this weekend, a friend of mine that I've known for a while came in town. Some of you have met him and, unfortunately, he rubbed many the wrong way. Understandbly so. I'm not here to defend him or take a side. I'm being objective when I say that he is one of the more skillful PUAs that I've met. Remember that word, skillful, it's hugely important.
Continuing, he and I hooked up and went sarging. Now, understand that we're both 180 degrees different from where we were last year at this time. He has a steady LTR that he adores. I am 100% uninterested in picking up random chicks (if life is a triangle, with health, wealth, and love at each point of the triangle, then I'm focusing on wealth and health...love be damned). So, there's the back story. Two guys, that by many accounts are very skillful at our trade but are not focusing on that aspect of our lives at this point in time.
So, we hit Uptown. And, we try to 'force' ourselves to run game. I suppose we thought a drink or two, a bar, and a handful of attractive women would snap us back into PUA mode. Well, we were wrong...
The entire night was a farce. He got too drunk and I got bored and frustrated because I felt wrong. Not, wrong in the sense that I was doing something I should not be doing, but wrong in the sense that I felt like I was trying to be someone I was not.
Obviously, this got me thinking...how could I no longer identify with that which I spent so much time learning? Why did this feel unnatural to me? Why did, for the fist time ever, I feel like a fraud?
My thinking and analysis eventually led me down the path of thinking about what success is all about. What are the components of success? What are the symptoms? The side-effects? What does it take to succeed?
Sure, skill is part of it. As is luck. And, hard work. But, as with anything in the world, there's always an 'X' factor. What is it that is driving these components of success? The answer I came up with is hunger.
Drive, ambition, determination, the idea that you have a specific purpose and you will fulfill that promise at all costs. This is the 'X' factor behind any form of success.
Hunger pushes you to work harder. Hunger pushes you to develop your skill set, even in the face of failure. Hunger keeps you going. It's what pushes us to be the best we can possible be at any endeavor we so choose.
When I think of success and achievement I don't think of God given natural talent, I don't think of dumb luck, I don't think of toiling away while others are done for the day. No, I think of hunger. I think of determination. I think of drive. I think of want.
When I hear people say things like: I need more money, I need a nicer place, I need a cooler girl-friend, I need to be better with women, etc, etc, etc AND then don't do anything to fix the problem of which they are complaining, I understand that you may WANT something but you don't WANT it enough to do what is required for you to actually fulfill those desires.
Success is measured in terms of dollars, women, material objects, IQ points, body fat percent, whatever it is that you choose to determine success. But, it is driven 100% of the time by the hunger and desire of the person pursuing a goal.
The other night, I understood something. At this point in my life, I'm not hungry enough to put in the time, effort, emotional and psychological strength necessary to run solid game. I simply don't want it right now. It's not a function of skill, it's a function of hunger.
I understand that the theory of 'hunger' driving success can easily turn into an excuse for not being good at something. You know, I failed because I just didn't want it bad enough. This is a slippery slope that I implore you to not go down. Instead, I ask that you look at your life objectively and ask yourself the question of how much do I want this? This being anything that you covet or wish to attain. The cold hard facts are this: if you want an education and yet don't have one it's because you don't really want it that much, if you aren't good at game it's because you don't really want it that much, if you aren't wealthy it's because you don't really want it that much.
You see, the only ones that ever hold us back are ourselves. If we truly don't have a hunger, a drive, a taste for whatever it is that we think we want, then guess what? We don't really want it...
Give me two PUAs on which to bet my life's savings. One that is skillful but not particularly hungry, and one that is hungry but not particularly skillful. Then, force me to wager all that I've earned in my lifetime on the success on one versus the other. I'll take the one with the most enthusiasm and hunger over the one with the greatest skill everytime.
Hunger trumpets all...hunger is what makes us better than everyone else...
See you in the scene
- Guest
by Guest » Wed Jul 08, 2009 11:33 am
I like coming on here and reading these. You're right on with this one. Most times the reason we don't have something we think we "want" is because we sabotage ourselves, we don't really want it. It all comes from society telling us what we should want, and us thinking we believe it, when in fact we should be getting in touch with who we are as independent, free-thinking people.
- Guest
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