The scourge of one-itis

[holyskeleton]

one-itis generally means that you're "locked on" to that one special girl. it is bad. very bad. always remember that you dont need ANY particular woman because women are abundant and you are not needy. you are the prize not her.

heres something i read when i was reading this story for my english class. it described a one-itis relationship between a boy and a girl.

background: Araby is a bazaar that the girl couldnt go but asked the boy to go and get something for her.

heres the boy's thoughts after their short convo:

"What innumerable follies laid waste my waking and sleeping thoughts after that evening! I wished to annihilate the tedious intervening days. I chafed against the work of school. At night in my bedroom and by day in the classroom her image came between me and the page I strove to read. They syllables of the word Araby were called to me through the silence in which my soul luxuriated and cast an Eastern enchantment over me. I asked for leave to go to the bazaar on Saturday night. My aunt was surprised and hoped it was not some Freemason affair. I answered few questions in class. I watched my master’s face pass from amiability to sternness; he hoped I was not beginning to idle. I could not call my wandering thoughts together. I had hardly any patience with the serious work of life which, now that it stood between me and my desire, seemed to me child’s play, ugly monotonous child’s play."

--Araby by James Joyce


as you can see, "that one girl" is everything you wanna avoid. it will consume your time and energy and decrease your confidence in return.

[holyskeleton]

why is this important?

Virginia Shooting... Killer had one-itis.

[etohminer]

why is this important?

Virginia Shooting... Killer had one-itis.

hahaha, funny as it is, i think it prolly had something to do with the shooting. he shoulda really picked up the Game, coulda made him a lover instead of a killer.

[MagicBalls]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=w-TssRlmmBE

It's all a state of mind. It takes a long time to understand the richness, beauty, and infinite value of every single moment, regardless of who you are, where you are, and who you're with.

I wish there was a way to convey this in words, but there isn't. We're all looking to find our way. But maybe it's best to let go. Get lost. Lose your bearings. North, south, east, west... it doesn't matter. So long as you believe in yourself, your value, your worth, your resourcefulness, and your ability to connect to those around you, you will be fine. You will make the most of your short time here on this earth.

Where are the cool places to go? Where you are, that's where. You're where it's at, baby.

Learn to not be so affected by external forces, and learn to be strong inside yourself. So once again I quote Covey:


"Reactive people are… affected by... the ‘social weather.’ When people treat them well, they feel well; when people don't, they become defensive or protective. Reactive people build their emotional lives around the behavior of others, empowering the weaknesses of other people to control them. Proactive people are driven by values… The ability to subordinate an impulse to a value is the essence of the proactive person... their response to the stimuli, conscious or unconscious, is a value-based choice or response."

--Stephen R. Covey

There's a lot more that I could say, but perhaps that's for another forum. So I'll leave it at that.

[Erock]

This post couldn't have come at a better time. I have had oneitus for the past 4 or 5 days and it is just now beginning to lighten. Fortunately I logically overrode its effects, and still sarged a shitload, but I had NO motivation and NO sex drive during the entire time.

After doing some research, I am sure that oneitus (what mystery calls pair bonding) is not just psychological, it is chemicals released in the brain to keep you with a particular woman. I agree with someone above who posted about the virginia tech guy. Oneitus causes rape, stalking, suicide, depression, exc....

Similar to Mystery's LMR campaigns that he begins early in the sarge, I am going to try to develop an anti-oneitus campaign, and I will post it if I think it might be useful.

Erock

[MagicBalls]

After doing some research, I am sure that oneitus (what mystery calls pair bonding) is not just psychological, it is chemicals released in the brain to keep you with a particular woman.

Saying that oneitis causes rape is taking it a bit far. On the other hand, I'm not a dualist, so I do believe there is a chemical component to falling in love:

http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/41/3/17

I think the need to "pair-bond" is in all of us, and in some of us more than others. When that need and the potential for that need to be met intersect at the fixated idea of having a particular person as your partner, you have oneitis. Like in the U2 video "All I Want is You" (link above), that fixation may not always correspond with the reality of the situation.

[Erock]

Magic, do you think it goes away as you get more successful and have more options, or does it still haunt you?

Why can't scientists make a pill to zap this shit? I'd be poppin em like gummy bears if they did.

Erock

[Erock]

For anybody suffering from Oneitis, seriously drop everything and search TD's archive. He has the most amazing posts on oneitis I have ever seen. They seriously cured me.

Erock

[MagicBalls]

Magic, do you think it goes away as you get more successful and have more options, or does it still haunt you?

Yeah, it goes away when you see that your options are plentiful and when you stop idealizing a particular woman or women in general. That pretty much sums it up.

TD has some good points, but his general delivery of the information I think is a bit too hateful. A lot of the stuff he ripped of from Mystery and he takes credit for it as well. TD's main contribution is AMOGing.

Women are no worse than men in their ability to be selfish. There's no need to hate on them for it. We're different in many ways, and we're alike in many ways as well. For sure women and men both have a powerful sex drive. Just look at the world's population. Living proof. Literally.