Ive noticed that my focus, since I hatched into this stuff, has always been about gaming women but in a more introvert kind of way. I would social proof myself and buld preselection, because it generates attraction, but most of the time it honestly wasnt genuine unless I was with my wing or something... I put soo much energy and focus on all of the b.s. I thought I needed to master in order to be good with women and I missed a very important aspect of it all.
Ive forgot about the importance of naturally socializing with the environment as a whole. Ive forgot about being the most socially fun and entertaining guy in the venue. Ive forgot about enjoying just being out in the nightlife regardless of my results. Ive been this guy before but it was usually just a fluke "good" night.
I have always had a bit of social anxiety (around strangers)... Sweaty palms ewww lol!
One of my sticking points is and has been: successful interactions with other men. I almost always have seen other men as obstackles or as competitive threats. What this has done for me is caused limited male friendships. This is something that I want to change.
My new girlfriend has more guyfriends than girlfriends. This is new to me and has left me feeling awkward on more than one occasion because I dont know how I should handle myself in this social dynamic. I dont know if I should try to be the most alpha, or the leader, or the planner, I'm never the funny guy...etc... Oh what do I do?
What I have done is just be cool and laid back. Havent put alot of effort into anything and overall just been mild rapport seeking. Ive at least made some kind of attempt to find common ground in some way with her guy friends. I dont watch any T.V. at all. I'm not a sports fan soo thats like ***boooom*** instant awkwardness since most guys wanna ramble on about sports. Soo far my girl has said all of her girlfriends have given me the thumbs of approval but I'm not sure about her guy friends. Her mom and pop like me and she said its really difficult to gain her pops approval.
Any suggestions on how to win over her guy friends (never thought Id be asking this). Or any suggestions on how you guys handle dudes in big social circles that you wanna merge into and build genuine relationships with.
Dallas PUA
The Pickup Artist Playground
Need some help
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by Guest » Sat Mar 26, 2011 10:14 pm
[QUOTE=Carnal;40773]
One of my sticking points is and has been: successful interactions with other men. I almost always have seen other men as obstackles or as competitive threats. What this has done for me is caused limited male friendships. This is something that I want to change.
My new girlfriend has more guyfriends than girlfriends. This is new to me and has left me feeling awkward on more than one occasion because I dont know how I should handle myself in this social dynamic. I dont know if I should try to be the most alpha, or the leader, or the planner, I'm never the funny guy...etc... Oh what do I do?
What I have done is just be cool and laid back. Havent put alot of effort into anything and overall just been mild rapport seeking. Ive at least made some kind of attempt to find common ground in some way with her guy friends. I dont watch any T.V. at all. I'm not a sports fan soo thats like ***boooom*** instant awkwardness since most guys wanna ramble on about sports. Soo far my girl has said all of her girlfriends have given me the thumbs of approval but I'm not sure about her guy friends. Her mom and pop like me and she said its really difficult to gain her pops approval.
Any suggestions on how to win over her guy friends (never thought Id be asking this). Or any suggestions on how you guys handle dudes in big social circles that you wanna merge into and build genuine relationships with.[/QUOTE]
With the seeing other dudes as competition i would re-frame that. Tell yourself that they are not competition unless they get in your way. With sports: have you ever tried them? Also remember this for rapport its not always about something you have in common with the person. You can have a rapport with anyone. Ill use me as example, my best friend and me don't have anything in common, we've known each other since 8th grade. Sometimes with relationships of any kind its what we put in, rather than the connection we create. For the social circle thing, I used to just bring people together and introduce them. I would just be honest with them and get that off your shoulders if it causes you social angst. Tell them you never got into sports and if they have any insight and you are interested just listen. It may not be a conversation you want to have, but in life most of us have those every day. Find something else those dudes like and talk to them about it. Also remember this, you don't need anyone's approval in life. If they don't like you, its their lost not yours....
One of my sticking points is and has been: successful interactions with other men. I almost always have seen other men as obstackles or as competitive threats. What this has done for me is caused limited male friendships. This is something that I want to change.
My new girlfriend has more guyfriends than girlfriends. This is new to me and has left me feeling awkward on more than one occasion because I dont know how I should handle myself in this social dynamic. I dont know if I should try to be the most alpha, or the leader, or the planner, I'm never the funny guy...etc... Oh what do I do?
What I have done is just be cool and laid back. Havent put alot of effort into anything and overall just been mild rapport seeking. Ive at least made some kind of attempt to find common ground in some way with her guy friends. I dont watch any T.V. at all. I'm not a sports fan soo thats like ***boooom*** instant awkwardness since most guys wanna ramble on about sports. Soo far my girl has said all of her girlfriends have given me the thumbs of approval but I'm not sure about her guy friends. Her mom and pop like me and she said its really difficult to gain her pops approval.
Any suggestions on how to win over her guy friends (never thought Id be asking this). Or any suggestions on how you guys handle dudes in big social circles that you wanna merge into and build genuine relationships with.[/QUOTE]
With the seeing other dudes as competition i would re-frame that. Tell yourself that they are not competition unless they get in your way. With sports: have you ever tried them? Also remember this for rapport its not always about something you have in common with the person. You can have a rapport with anyone. Ill use me as example, my best friend and me don't have anything in common, we've known each other since 8th grade. Sometimes with relationships of any kind its what we put in, rather than the connection we create. For the social circle thing, I used to just bring people together and introduce them. I would just be honest with them and get that off your shoulders if it causes you social angst. Tell them you never got into sports and if they have any insight and you are interested just listen. It may not be a conversation you want to have, but in life most of us have those every day. Find something else those dudes like and talk to them about it. Also remember this, you don't need anyone's approval in life. If they don't like you, its their lost not yours....
- Guest
by Guest » Sun Mar 27, 2011 4:06 am
I'm in a similar situation as you. The girl I am currently dating has an assload of friends, many of whom are male. Here is what I have been doing with the guy friends.
One tactic I like to use is try to get the guy to have a drink with you. Hey lets go do a shot, or hey lets go grab a drink, what are you drinking? Yes, this will cost you the expense of the drink, but who gives a fuck it is worth it. People perceive you differently if you are willing to spend money on them. Now the two of you are at the bar ordering a drink and can just start bullshitting. Just strike up a conversation about your girl, as this is what you both definitely have in common. So how do you know xyz?
I also don't try to force any conversation. The conversation can happy naturally or not at all and I am ok with silence. As it turns out most people are not ok with silence so you will often see others find something to talk about.
One tactic I like to use is try to get the guy to have a drink with you. Hey lets go do a shot, or hey lets go grab a drink, what are you drinking? Yes, this will cost you the expense of the drink, but who gives a fuck it is worth it. People perceive you differently if you are willing to spend money on them. Now the two of you are at the bar ordering a drink and can just start bullshitting. Just strike up a conversation about your girl, as this is what you both definitely have in common. So how do you know xyz?
I also don't try to force any conversation. The conversation can happy naturally or not at all and I am ok with silence. As it turns out most people are not ok with silence so you will often see others find something to talk about.
- Guest
by Guest » Sun Mar 27, 2011 11:59 am
When you wanted to learn to speak to girls, you spoke with a shitload of girls.
Same goes with guys. Don't just focus on the guys in your girl's group. Talk to EVERYONE you see throughout your day. Guy, girl, old lady, etc. I'm a certified introvert in basically every test I've ever taken, and that has helped me break out of my shell.
You want to be more comfortable with your speaking skills? Take some public speaking classes (i.e. Toastmasters). You want to improve your sense of humor and overall delivery? Take a stand up comedy class. Make it a point of talking to X number of people per week. Go to a food court a couple of times a week and have lunch with random strangers. If you can charm people in those scenarios, then I guarantee that you will charm the pants (figuratively speaking) off of anyone you meet.
One of the girls I'm dating has a shitload of guy friends too, and when I met them, I didn't do it from the frame of "Oh, I hope they think I'm cool." You ARE cool, and it's your decision to see if this is a group you want to have in YOUR life.
Same goes with guys. Don't just focus on the guys in your girl's group. Talk to EVERYONE you see throughout your day. Guy, girl, old lady, etc. I'm a certified introvert in basically every test I've ever taken, and that has helped me break out of my shell.
You want to be more comfortable with your speaking skills? Take some public speaking classes (i.e. Toastmasters). You want to improve your sense of humor and overall delivery? Take a stand up comedy class. Make it a point of talking to X number of people per week. Go to a food court a couple of times a week and have lunch with random strangers. If you can charm people in those scenarios, then I guarantee that you will charm the pants (figuratively speaking) off of anyone you meet.
One of the girls I'm dating has a shitload of guy friends too, and when I met them, I didn't do it from the frame of "Oh, I hope they think I'm cool." You ARE cool, and it's your decision to see if this is a group you want to have in YOUR life.
- Guest
by Guest » Sun Mar 27, 2011 1:15 pm
First off, I would advise against trying to be too alpha. Often times, guys will subconciously feel this as a threat and become competitve or douchebags. You're already alpha in their eyes; you're dating a girl they approve of, so you're also socially acceptable.
Secondly, I'd ask a few questions, and try to show genuine interest. People are self-centered narcissists; They love talking about themselves. And when you give people attention, you're giving them value and people like this. As they talk about themselves, try to pepper in bits and pieces of your own experience to keep it a two way conversation.
Secondly, I'd ask a few questions, and try to show genuine interest. People are self-centered narcissists; They love talking about themselves. And when you give people attention, you're giving them value and people like this. As they talk about themselves, try to pepper in bits and pieces of your own experience to keep it a two way conversation.
- Guest
by Guest » Wed Apr 06, 2011 5:00 pm
My take on this is that other guys are competition. The reason a girl has an assload of guy friends is because they all want to fuck her. She's with you. she made the choice to be with you instead of them. Be friendly to them, be confident that you are her choice, and be laid back.
If your worried about developing a rapport with them, then follow the same rapport building strats you follow with women. It port's both ways. I agree with Prodigy here.
If your worried about developing a rapport with them, then follow the same rapport building strats you follow with women. It port's both ways. I agree with Prodigy here.
- Guest
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