Getting in a Positive Frame of Mind

[Guest]

Went out Wednesday night and Thursday night. Neither night was worthy of a field report, but I'll talk a little bit about what happened to illustrate my problem.

On Wed. I went out to a bar as part of an office party, and ran into an old friend of mine I hadn't seen in a long time, who instantly became my wing. All in all we interacted with about 6 sets, four of which went positive (even though I didn't number close or anything) while 2 were automatic blow-outs. The next day, I beat myself up over it, thinking that it had been a wash of a night, and I felt like I'd totally failed, and should probably join a monastery or something.

On Thursday night, I went out to 3 bars with a co-worker who became my wing. It was a very spur of the moment decision. We only intended to stay out for one beer, but that one beer quickly turned into a fun evening. When I calculated the score of this evening, we had interacted with about 6 sets, only one of which was a total blow-out, the rest went positively. I also got a number out of it. The girl offered it to me on her own, without my asking, but nevertheless I'm pretty certain nothing will come out of it.

Here's the kicker. The next morning I felt great. I was totally happy, and though I didn't see any great results, I felt like I'd had a fun night, and positive about the future. I'm trying to figure out what put me in a good mood one night, and a bad mood on the other night. It's not like I did better one night than I did the other. Maybe the number close was enough to make me feel good about myself, but like I said before, I doubt anything will come from it.

I also know from personal experience that these positive emotions are what breed success in the field later on. I'd really like to be able to harness them, and have better control of my emotions. But I can't figure out for the life of me why I reacted so negatively to the first night and so positively to the second.

[Guest]

State control is huge for me too. Sometimes I'm down and don't feel like going out and other times I am gung ho. Sometimes when I am out, I feel good about approaching and opening sets, sometimes, I'm a wall flower.

A few things control state, but the biggest thing that impacts state is physiology. If you get your blood moving, if you adopt a positive posture, smile even if you don't feel like it, your state will change. State always follows physiology.

Do an exercise for yourself...

Look away from the computer screen, down at your shoes. Frown on purpose while your doing this, and slump your shoulders forward. Give it a few seconds and notice how you feel. I bet you start feeling more negative.

Now, stand up, give a war cry, jump up and down, Smile as big as you can. I bet you feel a bit better after that.

What did you do? You changes your physiology and thereby changed your state.

Another trick is affirmations. Write does some short one sentence things about how you want to be when you go out. Thing like....

"I will be more happy and energetic when I am out."

Say it to yourself 10 times before you go out everytime you go out. Affirm to yourself that you have value, that you have energy, then change your physiology also and see what happens. I've gotten alot of mileage out of these ideas. Hope you do too.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Fuzz;40146]The girl offered it to me on her own, without my asking, but nevertheless I'm pretty certain nothing will come out of it.

Here's the kicker. The next morning I felt great. I was totally happy, and though I didn't see any great results, I felt like I'd had a fun night, and positive about the future.[/QUOTE]


First things first, stop that negative Nancy bullshit man. You don't know what's going to come of anything. Generally, when a girl willingly offers you her number that means you've got something to work with...this is a good thing. Don't assume failure before you've tried.

Success breeds success. Failure breeds failure. It's a cycle.

Secondly, you absolutely 100% felt better the next day because of the number close. Not that that's a big deal, lots of guys get emotionally tied up with the outcome of their sets. It's hard not to. Especially if you're newer, not saying you are just stating a fact.

It happens to me at times too. That's just human nature. When we fail or are rejected we should have some emotional response. The key is to not dwell on it. You struck our Tuesday night. Big deal. You still have every other Tuesday for the rest of your life to hit a homerun. Focus on that and you'll see your attitude and mood change.

Also, prime the pump man. Get a little rotation of girls that you're either working on or fucking. The fastest and easiest way to do this is through online Game. If you're diligent you can get a bunch of prospects after about a week of intense online Game. If you have prospects then you won't be so concerned if you did or didn't number close some bar rat.