Hey Guys,
I need help. I just do not know what to do, and I am really unhappy with my progress with pickup. So here is the deal. I get out there, I meet people, I open some sets when I feel like it. I have fun when I go out to clubs with friends.
The problem is that I have some mental sewage about women in general. After my divorce, I got really down on women. In joining the community and learning about interaction with them, my opinion hasn't improved very much. However, I find myself missing an intellectual and emotional connection to a woman.
I really want an LTR, but I just can't seem to find women of quality. This town (Wichita Falls) is full of teenie booper college girls and their college or air force boy friends. While the sex is great with the early twenty somethings, I don't want to mess with them beyond the occasional SNL. Most of them just don't seem to know their ass from a hole in the ground, and I don't want to put up with the bullshit.
I made a list of what I wanted based on something I read in one of the way back post on this forum. I want a woman who is has a career, knows what she is about, and is decent looking. I can't find a woman like this! Most of the ones like this are taken. The majority of the rest are monsters either mentally or physically.
Do you guys have any suggestions for this. I'm really at a loss as to what to do here. What I have tried is BR's appartment game, but with limited numbers of apartments, that gets farmed out pretty quickly. I've tried coffee shop game, and it's hit of miss, but mostly college girls since my starbucks is near the campus. I've tried mall game, specifically at the make up counters in the mall, but this just isn't the caliber of woman I want. I really would like more than just a pretty face, and with one mall here, this also gets farmed out pretty quickly. I own my own business locally and am an active member of the chamber of commerce here, and I've gone to their networking events. There are higher quality women here, but 99% of the "eligible" ones are taken.
Here is what I have not tried, but am considering:
Church, Im not really much of a church goer, but it's more of a social thing than a god thing if you pick the right one.
Personal Improvement Clubs like toastmasters, etc....
Any help is appreciated, and I know I rambled a bit here, but I need help from a smaller town perspective. I need guidance, and I may need a good kick to the head, which you guys always know how to deliver.
Dallas PUA
The Pickup Artist Playground
Mental Sewage
28 posts
• Page 1 of 3 • 1, 2, 3
by Guest » Wed Nov 10, 2010 11:15 pm
Unfortunately the more you delve in this the more your thoughts will be negative towards women. A double edged sword so to speak. I want to point out that not all women are horrible human beings. There are some out there who are actually good. It might be a small minority these days but they do exist.
We all think we know what we want in a woman. What you eventually realize is if you wait around for the right woman to come around she never does. You can use me as an example. I will probably grow old, alone, as I scrutinize every girl I have ever dated to the most finite detail possible. Guess what, they are all inferior to what I want. Thus I am alone, and will surely be that way for some time to come.
Don't live this life. Allow the woman to have a few outs. Maybe she doesn't have a great career, however she is super passionate about something. The two should be interchangeable.
Don't rule a woman out until you have a conversation with her, while in bed, right after you have had sex. For some odd reason, still to this day I am not sure why, the best conversations are had at this exact moment. Usually for 30 minutes to a couple hours in the late hours of the night right after you fucked her. I think this is when you really get a chance to know your girl. That teeny bopper might just surprise you.
We all think we know what we want in a woman. What you eventually realize is if you wait around for the right woman to come around she never does. You can use me as an example. I will probably grow old, alone, as I scrutinize every girl I have ever dated to the most finite detail possible. Guess what, they are all inferior to what I want. Thus I am alone, and will surely be that way for some time to come.
Don't live this life. Allow the woman to have a few outs. Maybe she doesn't have a great career, however she is super passionate about something. The two should be interchangeable.
Don't rule a woman out until you have a conversation with her, while in bed, right after you have had sex. For some odd reason, still to this day I am not sure why, the best conversations are had at this exact moment. Usually for 30 minutes to a couple hours in the late hours of the night right after you fucked her. I think this is when you really get a chance to know your girl. That teeny bopper might just surprise you.
- Guest
by Guest » Wed Nov 10, 2010 11:47 pm
[quote]Most of the ones like this are taken. The majority of the rest are monsters either mentally or physically.[/quote]
I feel this is a severe limiting belief, since you are immediately judging chicks without even getting to know them.
That said, yes, quality women are rare. If they were common, they wouldn't be quality. However, if 1 out of every 1000 women is someone you would want to be with, then that means you need to wade through 1000 women regularly. Out of the chicks I've been with, I've only wanted to have longer relationships with a handful. That's the nature of the game.
Another note I want to touch on: if you do meet a girl you think is quality, is your game up to par? I know mine isn't, which is why I usually talk to all sorts of girls, in order to be more prepared.
I feel this is a severe limiting belief, since you are immediately judging chicks without even getting to know them.
That said, yes, quality women are rare. If they were common, they wouldn't be quality. However, if 1 out of every 1000 women is someone you would want to be with, then that means you need to wade through 1000 women regularly. Out of the chicks I've been with, I've only wanted to have longer relationships with a handful. That's the nature of the game.
Another note I want to touch on: if you do meet a girl you think is quality, is your game up to par? I know mine isn't, which is why I usually talk to all sorts of girls, in order to be more prepared.
- Guest
by Guest » Thu Nov 11, 2010 12:06 am
My philosophy: I've abandoned going out for the sole purpose of meeting people... the bar, starbucks, online, anything where people meet each other on purpose.
The most zen place you can be is to know you have the skills, go about your life, and when you see a pretty girl you want to talk to (and you will), do it.
Sometimes, the best things in life come when you're not looking for them.
Small towns. I spend 80 percent of my time in small towns. You'll meet the best quality of girls in smallville... and that's a fact, Jack. But yeah they tend to go younger.
Also, I think Playercool is on to something real with what he's saying. The key is to give these girls a chance and not rule anyone out before you talk to them.
The most zen place you can be is to know you have the skills, go about your life, and when you see a pretty girl you want to talk to (and you will), do it.
Sometimes, the best things in life come when you're not looking for them.
Small towns. I spend 80 percent of my time in small towns. You'll meet the best quality of girls in smallville... and that's a fact, Jack. But yeah they tend to go younger.
Also, I think Playercool is on to something real with what he's saying. The key is to give these girls a chance and not rule anyone out before you talk to them.
- Guest
by Guest » Thu Nov 11, 2010 10:24 am
[QUOTE=Lazerus]I feel this is a severe limiting belief, since you are immediately judging chicks without even getting to know them.[/QUOTE]
I say this from experience going out with a good number of women since I started learning pickup. It is a limiting belief, but a belief that I have gained through experience. Probably some more mental sewage.
Is my game up to snuff, no probably not, as I don't really do night game and I work during the day. However, It is strong enough that I can pull when I want to.
I say this from experience going out with a good number of women since I started learning pickup. It is a limiting belief, but a belief that I have gained through experience. Probably some more mental sewage.
Is my game up to snuff, no probably not, as I don't really do night game and I work during the day. However, It is strong enough that I can pull when I want to.
- Guest
by Guest » Thu Nov 11, 2010 11:22 am
The biggest issue I've had to deal with after getting in the Community is to respect women after I've learned of what they're capable.
It's like The Matrix. You took the blue pill as it were. You didn't know what the repercussions of doing so would be but it's done. Deal with it. There's no going back. Many, many women in this world are just straight up trash. But, that's the nature of things man, or the nature of dealing with overly, entitled American women that believe in equality.
We all deal with this knowledge in different ways. Personally, I've just grown to view women as silly little girls that do and say stupid, cute, endearing things because they're so naive. Even the incredibly talented professional women that I work with are this way with respect to men and women and societal issues. Sure, they can create brillant marketing campaigns or whatever. But, when it comes to men, they're just silly little girls. Would you worry about what a little girl thinks of you? Would you concern yourself with what they say and do? No, you wouldn't.
My point is this. Once you understand what women are to a man, then you'll let go of all of this bitterness and learn to enjoy women for what they can provide. Women are an accessory to a worthy man's life. They should compliment and accentuate your life. They should fill roles that you, as a man, cannot find anywhere else: nuturing, feminine support, sex, etc.
I understand the importance of making a strong, deep, emotional connection with women. I've made them, several times, in the past. But, that doesn't guarantee shit. Women will be women if you allow them to do so.
I'm almost convinced that the way a woman treats a man isn't a commentary on HER character as much a commentary on HIS strength, power, and prowess with GAME. In fact, I think that women treat men exactly the way we allow them to.
It's a huge cognitive distortion. We've been raised to believe that men and women are equal. That we should judge men and women by the same standards. But, we are not equal, not even close. Our biology screams it to us every day and every day we ignore it because we're told to do so. That's your problem right there man. You're judging women by the same standards that you would judge men. This will never work and you will never find any one worthy of your love and affection and investment.
Think of it this way. You're playing football but trying to use rules from baseball to run the game. This will never work and will only result in frustration and failure. Judge men as men, judge women as women.
When you learn to judge women based on the roles that they are meant to fulfill, from a biological perspective, then you'll find that there are quality girls all over the place. You'll find that you're happier and you'll stop concerning yourself with standards for women that are bullshit and they can never achieve. Which is inherently unfair to them. Because, they're doomed to fail and, as sush, you're depriving them of the allure, strength, and attractiveness that an alpha male provides.
Your job as a man is to be as alpha as you can in all aspects of your life. The job of a woman is to attract and keep the most alpha man she can.
It's like The Matrix. You took the blue pill as it were. You didn't know what the repercussions of doing so would be but it's done. Deal with it. There's no going back. Many, many women in this world are just straight up trash. But, that's the nature of things man, or the nature of dealing with overly, entitled American women that believe in equality.
We all deal with this knowledge in different ways. Personally, I've just grown to view women as silly little girls that do and say stupid, cute, endearing things because they're so naive. Even the incredibly talented professional women that I work with are this way with respect to men and women and societal issues. Sure, they can create brillant marketing campaigns or whatever. But, when it comes to men, they're just silly little girls. Would you worry about what a little girl thinks of you? Would you concern yourself with what they say and do? No, you wouldn't.
My point is this. Once you understand what women are to a man, then you'll let go of all of this bitterness and learn to enjoy women for what they can provide. Women are an accessory to a worthy man's life. They should compliment and accentuate your life. They should fill roles that you, as a man, cannot find anywhere else: nuturing, feminine support, sex, etc.
I understand the importance of making a strong, deep, emotional connection with women. I've made them, several times, in the past. But, that doesn't guarantee shit. Women will be women if you allow them to do so.
I'm almost convinced that the way a woman treats a man isn't a commentary on HER character as much a commentary on HIS strength, power, and prowess with GAME. In fact, I think that women treat men exactly the way we allow them to.
It's a huge cognitive distortion. We've been raised to believe that men and women are equal. That we should judge men and women by the same standards. But, we are not equal, not even close. Our biology screams it to us every day and every day we ignore it because we're told to do so. That's your problem right there man. You're judging women by the same standards that you would judge men. This will never work and you will never find any one worthy of your love and affection and investment.
Think of it this way. You're playing football but trying to use rules from baseball to run the game. This will never work and will only result in frustration and failure. Judge men as men, judge women as women.
When you learn to judge women based on the roles that they are meant to fulfill, from a biological perspective, then you'll find that there are quality girls all over the place. You'll find that you're happier and you'll stop concerning yourself with standards for women that are bullshit and they can never achieve. Which is inherently unfair to them. Because, they're doomed to fail and, as sush, you're depriving them of the allure, strength, and attractiveness that an alpha male provides.
Your job as a man is to be as alpha as you can in all aspects of your life. The job of a woman is to attract and keep the most alpha man she can.
- Guest
by Guest » Thu Nov 11, 2010 9:03 pm
Your story sounds pretty familiar. There isn't a magic solution to any of it and finding a decent woman takes time. And yes they usually come crawling out of the woodwork when you least expect it.
After my divorce a few years ago I dated some very low value women. They were mostly 7's and if I was lucky an 8 in the looks department. As far as the mental department goes my lord these hookers might have scored a 6. I definitely didn't introduce them to my family.
I dated girls in their 20's and girls in their 40's. I didn't care much for the 20's age group either. I found most do lack a lot of mental depth at that age. Nothing against them, I just appreciate depth in a relationship.
Over time as I increased my value and learned more about women I started getting better results. I started getting more attractive girls that had more to offer. Those girls are out there..... however they don't advertise themselves like women of less value do.
Eventually I kept working on me and honing my skills. I worked on being more attractive in every facet of my life. It has taken me several years and a never give up attitude. I've never been satisfied to be "average" and that attitude has helped get me where I am at today.
It wasn't until I increased my personal value and what I had to offer that I started getting girls that had something to offer me in return. You know things worth having never come easy nor often!
The best thing you can do is make yourself the best man you can be. Once you do the doors really start to open up. Hang in there, never give up, and when you are spinning your wheels going no where then just take a break from it all.
I've been there I feel your pain. I'm not the most attractive dude nor the richest but I know my way around women, have got more value than 70% of the male population and I manage to get what I want. It wasn't always that way but with each girl I got a little bit better. If you aren't getting what you want then just see what happens if you make your self just that much better? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
After my divorce a few years ago I dated some very low value women. They were mostly 7's and if I was lucky an 8 in the looks department. As far as the mental department goes my lord these hookers might have scored a 6. I definitely didn't introduce them to my family.
I dated girls in their 20's and girls in their 40's. I didn't care much for the 20's age group either. I found most do lack a lot of mental depth at that age. Nothing against them, I just appreciate depth in a relationship.
Over time as I increased my value and learned more about women I started getting better results. I started getting more attractive girls that had more to offer. Those girls are out there..... however they don't advertise themselves like women of less value do.
Eventually I kept working on me and honing my skills. I worked on being more attractive in every facet of my life. It has taken me several years and a never give up attitude. I've never been satisfied to be "average" and that attitude has helped get me where I am at today.
It wasn't until I increased my personal value and what I had to offer that I started getting girls that had something to offer me in return. You know things worth having never come easy nor often!
The best thing you can do is make yourself the best man you can be. Once you do the doors really start to open up. Hang in there, never give up, and when you are spinning your wheels going no where then just take a break from it all.
I've been there I feel your pain. I'm not the most attractive dude nor the richest but I know my way around women, have got more value than 70% of the male population and I manage to get what I want. It wasn't always that way but with each girl I got a little bit better. If you aren't getting what you want then just see what happens if you make your self just that much better? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
- Guest
by Guest » Thu Nov 11, 2010 9:13 pm
One more thing.......I used to think I was pretty good at this pua crap because I started to get girls whenever I wanted. Then I thought about it and realized I was just good at seducing/charming etc. I had to go back and work on "me" to advance to the next level.
When you truly reach that upper level, those things that used to be important to you won't be important any more. When you get there you get what you want. Just some food for thought.
When you truly reach that upper level, those things that used to be important to you won't be important any more. When you get there you get what you want. Just some food for thought.
- Guest
by Guest » Fri Nov 12, 2010 11:23 am
[QUOTE=UncleHOwie;38385]It wasn't until I increased my personal value and what I had to offer that I started getting girls that had something to offer me in return. You know things worth having never come easy nor often!
The best thing you can do is make yourself the best man you can be. Once you do the doors really start to open up. Hang in there, never give up, and when you are spinning your wheels going no where then just take a break from it all.
I've been there I feel your pain. I'm not the most attractive dude nor the richest but I know my way around women, have got more value than 70% of the male population and I manage to get what I want. It wasn't always that way but with each girl I got a little bit better. If you aren't getting what you want then just see what happens if you make your self just that much better? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.[/QUOTE]
This is very profound and very true. To me this is the diference between people who read a few books, go to a bootcamp or dabble in this stuff in some sort of way so they can get some improved results and people that are actually a part of this community. Too much stock is put into pickup as a method. These methods may or may not help get you better results. Becoming a better person with a better lifestyle will improve your life 100% of the time. I can honestly say that I have half the social outlets that I used to when I was younger. I can also say I have more women in my life than I ever had. It was actually a problem growing into my new "skin" and it does take time to actually become a confident guy that does not struggle with women.
If you want to go to church go to church. If you think you would enjoy some of these social clubs sign up. Just take your new mentality and life philosophy with you, don't have a constant agenda of doing this so you can hopefully score a higher quality chick here than last place you looked for one. That is what the pickup tourist do. I'm going to take the suspense out of it for you. You will fail. If you try something that does not work for you, don't just go try it somewhere else, change what you are doing. Or more importantly become the kind of person that just does things well. I agree with Howie completely on this.
In your defense, I have some boys from Wichita and they all told me it sucked and the girls were too young, so this just might be the case. If the pickens really are that slim bro you gotta become the crem de le crem. You aren't competing against average Joes and Dallas douchebags like we are.
The best thing you can do is make yourself the best man you can be. Once you do the doors really start to open up. Hang in there, never give up, and when you are spinning your wheels going no where then just take a break from it all.
I've been there I feel your pain. I'm not the most attractive dude nor the richest but I know my way around women, have got more value than 70% of the male population and I manage to get what I want. It wasn't always that way but with each girl I got a little bit better. If you aren't getting what you want then just see what happens if you make your self just that much better? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.[/QUOTE]
This is very profound and very true. To me this is the diference between people who read a few books, go to a bootcamp or dabble in this stuff in some sort of way so they can get some improved results and people that are actually a part of this community. Too much stock is put into pickup as a method. These methods may or may not help get you better results. Becoming a better person with a better lifestyle will improve your life 100% of the time. I can honestly say that I have half the social outlets that I used to when I was younger. I can also say I have more women in my life than I ever had. It was actually a problem growing into my new "skin" and it does take time to actually become a confident guy that does not struggle with women.
If you want to go to church go to church. If you think you would enjoy some of these social clubs sign up. Just take your new mentality and life philosophy with you, don't have a constant agenda of doing this so you can hopefully score a higher quality chick here than last place you looked for one. That is what the pickup tourist do. I'm going to take the suspense out of it for you. You will fail. If you try something that does not work for you, don't just go try it somewhere else, change what you are doing. Or more importantly become the kind of person that just does things well. I agree with Howie completely on this.
In your defense, I have some boys from Wichita and they all told me it sucked and the girls were too young, so this just might be the case. If the pickens really are that slim bro you gotta become the crem de le crem. You aren't competing against average Joes and Dallas douchebags like we are.
- Guest
by Guest » Fri Nov 12, 2010 6:56 pm
I think the most disheartening thing about joining the community, in terms of maintaining a LTR, is the fact that you really can never let your guard down in front of a woman. Showing any kind of real human emotion like sensitivity or vulnerability is automatic pussy repellant. I no longer feel comfortable enough with a woman to let my guard down, which makes the thought of relationships as anxiety ridden as a shark living in the ocean -- you can't stop swimming for even a second.
- Guest
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