"We" is an awesome word

[Guest]

I was thinking the other day about a word that opens the door for a woman to feel comfortable and connected with you. The word is "we." I started thinking about it when a girl was telling me a story about a lady who was driving like an idiot, and when she pulled up next to the lady she was texting while driving. I instinctively replied, "yeah, we hate those people." I could have said, "don't you hate those people?" or "I hate those people," but I used "we," which aligns us.

Then a friend and I were talking about future adventure projections. I experimented with some questions to ask that would start the process. I came up with the following:
"This may seem silly, but it's fun and I'm interested, if we were to travel through space and time together, what time and place would you want our first stop to be and why?"
Basically, any question that starts with "if we were to" is good. This prompts her to come up with a description of an adventure we can take together. She has to accept the presupposition that we're doing it together in order to answer the question. If she's like most girls, her answer will suck, but that's ok, because it gives you an opportunity to provide your own description of the fun things you could be doing together.

I just realized that Halloween is coming up, so a great question might be, "if we were to go to a costume store that had any costume you could possibly dream up, what costumes would you pick for us and why?"

Here's an example of a text conversation I had on Friday:
Me: How much do we love Fridays?
Her: And today is payday... extra special! ;)
Me: On top of that it's beautiful outside! Let's play hookie from work and you can buy me ice cream with all your money
Her: Lol...sounds good in theory
Me: Well, if we're theorizing, we might as well go to Belgium for ice cream
Her: 1st class of course
Me: Private jet... with a hot tub!
Her: Ok...you r hired ;)

I have experimented with this, and looking for opportunities to use "we" instead of "you" or "I" puts me in a different mindset that naturally leads conversations in a more adventurous direction. This works well online too.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Rhody;38041]

Here's an example of a text conversation I had on Friday:
Me: How much do we love Fridays?
Her: And today is payday... extra special! ;)
Me: On top of that it's beautiful outside! Let's play hookie from work and you can buy me ice cream with all your money
Her: Lol...sounds good in theory
[B]Me: Well, if we're theorizing, we might as well go to Belgium for ice cream[/B]
Her: 1st class of course
Me: Private jet... with a hot tub!
Her: Ok...you r hired ;)
[/QUOTE]

Good post. "We" is a great word because it's loaded... it sets the expectation (you could call it a "frame") that you and her are connected in some way.

That said, care should be taken, because it's an IOI. You are implying that she's worthy of being grouped together with you, she's worthy of your time...

Like anything else, make sure that if you're going to show interest, it's earned. But if it is, it's a great example of how to use framing to build rapport.

My favorite part of your texting is the part I put in bold. What you're doing is taking what's essentially a neg, shit test, or a lack of compliance on her part (same difference) to grab ice cream with you, and handling it in a way that should generate attraction. In that line, you're showing that you're unaffected, not chasing, creative, and having fun. All DHV's, and all in one well-placed line.

"OK you're hired ;)" on her part isn't so good. She's setting a dominant frame, I would think you would want to grab that out from under her. What did you say next?

[Guest]

What I would have said....

Her: "OK you're hired. :)"

Me: "Babe when I told you these guns are for hire (kisses biceps) I wasn't being serious. ;)"

[Guest]

[QUOTE=grimm1111;38083]"OK you're hired ;)" on her part isn't so good. She's setting a dominant frame, I would think you would want to grab that out from under her. What did you say next?[/QUOTE]

I ignored it. I said the following.
Me: Tomorrow, let's meet somewhere and go walk around the Gaylord. We can put on our thickest New England accents and pretend we're tourists.
Her: Sounds like a plan... although I am working a bit tomorrow
Me: Will you be available at 6:00?
Her: Oh ya... shoot me if I am still at work
Me: That sounds like fun too, but let's go with my plan. We'll meet at 6 and drive over together
Her: Ok... sounds good

That's what we did. We went to the Gaylord and walked around, stopped for a drink, and then I brought her back to her car. We made out in the parking lot. She was cute but had a lumpy butt.

Good point about letting her earn it. With questions, there is a bit of screening going on, especially when you use, "if we were to." I'll be mindful to hold the future adventure projections until she's earned it.

[Guest]

Lumpy?

[Guest]

[QUOTE=grimm1111;38089]Lumpy?[/QUOTE]

Yeah. Like she was hiding a dozen bagels in her pants. I didn't notice it until I put my hands there because she had one of those long shirt-dresses on and she was wearing black. Women get good at hiding that shit.

I almost forgot. You mentioned the dominant frame. The day we were supposed to meet, she said:
Her: you're going to have to shoot me, I'm still at work. Can we meet at 6:30?
Me: 6:30 is fine. I'm running late anyway. And I won't shoot you, but if you don't behave, I'll take away your ice cream privileges
Her: that's worse!

I personally need to be more consciously aware of the dominant frame. In this instance I did ok, but I'm not always aware.

[Guest]

Great post Rhody

I am curious would "we" put a relationship or more frame? if so how would one break it?

Usually when a chic uses "we" i tend to wonder if she is out for more i.e. relationship (read exclusivity)

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Cash;38123]Great post Rhody

I am curious would "we" put a relationship or more frame? if so how would one break it?

Usually when a chic uses "we" i tend to wonder if she is out for more i.e. relationship (read exclusivity)[/QUOTE]


If you're talking to her about the stuff that was mentioned above then the "relationship" frame was established, or at least part of it, before you would have even thought about using "we" in any context.

So to answer your question, yes it would enforce more of the same relationship frame.

However, there is another context in which "we" can be thought of. In the rapport stage.

If you are wanting to create that rapport, assuming you have sufficiently reached attraction, this is the point in which you'll want to control the types of activities you include in "we". This is where you control fuck-buddy vs. relationship. Rhody may have a different take, but this is mine.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Finesse;38126]If you're talking to her about the stuff that was mentioned above then the "relationship" frame was established, or at least part of it, before you would have even thought about using "we" in any context.

So to answer your question, yes it would enforce more of the same relationship frame.

However, there is another context in which "we" can be thought of. In the rapport stage.

If you are wanting to create that rapport, assuming you have sufficiently reached attraction, this is the point in which you'll want to control the types of activities you include in "we". This is where you control fuck-buddy vs. relationship. Rhody may have a different take, but this is mine.[/QUOTE]

I don't think "we" by itself establishes a relationship frame. If you say, "we can sneak into a hotel room and take a shower together," that's very different from saying, "we can buy a house together and pick out china patterns."

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Rhody;38134]I don't think "we" by itself establishes a relationship frame. If you say, "we can sneak into a hotel room and take a shower together," that's very different from saying, "we can buy a house together and pick out china patterns."[/QUOTE]


The only arguement that I can see where saying 'we' can build a relationship frame is if you say it frequently. If everything is we this and we that, then it builds the idea of a partnership between the two of you...and, that, in a woman's mind equates to a relationship.

But, if you use it sparingly and strategically, then I think it can get her into a sexual state pretty effectively. Your hotel shower example is a great example of creating a sexual state with we.