[QUOTE=Rhody;37807]I don't think you're done with her. As far as I can tell, whenever the opportunity presents itself to re-engage, you take it.[/QUOTE]
I see your point, but I hope you're wrong.
Dallas PUA
The Pickup Artist Playground
Flaked on....
by Guest » Fri Sep 24, 2010 4:48 pm
[QUOTE=Fuzz;37803]Ran into this girl by accident at a bar last night (a bar I suspect she now regularly frequents with the intention of running into me, in fact a bartender told me she was there just the night before), and she wouldn't say hi to me. I ignored her for a bit, and kept chatting with my platonic lady friend. Then the girl flipped me off from across the bar. I came up to her and asked her what's wrong (smile on my face, strong frame) why she was acting so weird. She said she wasn't acting weird, but her friend was being very cold to me in a way that made it seem as though I had done something horrible to this girl (does she know I've been seeing someone else?). I said, "you're acting too awkward for me," and walked back to the bar to keep chatting with my lady friend.
The girl tears up and balls up a napkin or something and throws it toward my end of the bar. She misses. I felt like I was back in the cafeteria at grade school. I grab some napkins, and retaliate. I get a few stuck in her hair, hit her in the face a few times, but missed my true target of getting one in her drink. I keep pleasantly chatting with my lady friend all the while. But I was very much aware of the drama and commotion between her and her friends. they go to the bathroom together, she's texting up a storm, and soon I realize why.
The girl goes outside, and my lady friend advises that I chase to at least figure out what I did that's making her act so weird. I try to talk to her, when another guy pulls up, and he's there to pick her up and take her somewhere else. I suddenly realize she expects me to compete with this guy over her, or feel jealous, or something. I wink at her and go back into the bar and keep chatting with my friend. She sends me a text asking if I'm mad at her, this clearly being what she wanted.
I realize that her games had gotten to a level of cartoonish exaggeration, so I sent her a text at the end of the evening basically, calling her out on her behavior, telling her she's making a big deal over nothing, and essentially telling her it's over and nexting her.
Phone number deleted, I'm done with this girl. I shouldn't have to stress so much over a vagina, and there's tons of women out there who are way cooler than her.[/QUOTE]
A plethora of shit tests:
1) The stand off - You did EXACTLY what you were supposed to do in this situation. You ignored her. She doesn't deserve your attention and she has done nothing to earn your acknowledgement that she even exists.
2) The bird - BUT, you failed after she flipped you off. When she did that, you should have just cocked your head, gave her a perplexed look, and then re-engaged your friend. She WANTED you to come to her, this is why she created a spectical such as flipping you off. It was bait. And, when you took the bait three things happened 1) you rewarded her poor behavior with your attention 2) you lost the upper hand here, you came to her not her to you (this is HUGE, I never, ever go to a woman I make them come to me or not at all...those are the terms and they usually comply) 3) by going to her, you gave her permission to be dramatic and act out of line...you brought her poor behavior on yourself.
3) Inform her of her behavior - You told her that she was acting weird, but should have elaborated and said what it was specifically that was inappropriate for you. But, weird is good enough, it implies that she's acting wrong and that's what she needs to think. Kudos here.
4) No more tears - Water works was the next shit test. You ignored her, that's what you should have done. Good job.
5) Napkin wars - She threw a napkin(s) at you as bait, again. And, again, you took the bait and played her game. By throwing the napkin back at her you gave her attention. And, any attention for a woman is good attention. Again, you reinforced her poor behavior with the reward of your attention. At this point, you should have just removed yourself ENTIRELY from her presence. The ultimate take-away, disappear.
6) Following her out - Up to this point, you're still in the game, at least as much as you were before that night. But, it came off the rails when you followed her out. First things first, don't ever take the advice of a woman. EVER. Even if this girl is the coolest chick ever OR if she seems geniune about the advice. You never know, this other girl that gave you the advice could have given you shitty advice on purpose just to get rid of some competition. Most likely, she's wired to think she wants one thing but only falls for a guy that does the exact opposite.
This other girl WANTED you to follow her out. She WANTED you to see her with some other dude. Was she trying to get you jealous? Probably. Still though, that matters very little. Don't ever follow a woman. You will lose every time. It's better to have her walk away and you re-engage at a later date than it is for you to chase after her. That's not what women want. They want to chase you. It appeals to their dramatic side. And, it's a sign of strength for you...an alpha male never follows a woman, never.
7) Are you mad? - This was said for her, not for you. She expected you to say no, which exonerates her from guilt. But, if you said yes, then it boosts her ego and makes her feel better about herself. It's unclear if you even responded. If you did not, then kudos to you. If you did, then you failed another shit test (PS the best responses are no response or something assholish like: "The last episode of Seinfeld, Circuit City closing made me mad...I only get mad over important things" OR simply: "NEXT!!").
8) End of the night text - There was no need for a parting shot. She made her decision. Again, you gave her attention, thus rewarding her poor behavior. The BEST thing to have done was to simply ignore her and next her. She would have absolutely come crawling back eventually.
After reading this thread, I think what happened here was that you never tried to train this girl. You see, women are like children. They have to be taught what is right and wrong, what is appropriate and what is not. The way to do this through your attention, affection, and approval/disapproval. They hate how you treat them, but they love you for giving them structure and drama. The main reason this girl was so dramatic with you and shit tested you so fucking much was because you were inconsistent with how you treated her.
Think of it this way. If you had a dog and he pissed on the carpet one day and you punished him but the next time he pissed on the carpet you did not punish him, then do you think he'll ever learn to not piss on the carpet? Same thing with women. When they piss on you, you need to slap them down (obviously through removing yourself from her).
By their very nature, women WANT to please. This is why girls that are madly in love with you will do ANYTHING you want them to in bed, even if it's unpleasant or down right hurts them (for a great example of this check out The Killer Inside Me (the movie), you'll see exactly what I mean).
I am of the opinion that this girl liked(s) you but she was unsure of how to make you happy, she didn't know how to please you. Over time, the frustration from not fulfilling her biological desires to please the man she cares for outweights the affection she holds for him. Therefore, you get the drama that you got. It's a cry for help. She just wanted to learn how to behave the way you wanted her to.
Don't be afraid to 'teach' these girls what you need from them. One of two things happens, it takes or it doesn't. If it takes, then you have a little sex pot on your hands that will fulfill your every whim but you avoid drama like you experienced. If it doesn't take, then she stops calling. What's worse? Her not calling or bullshit drama.
The girl tears up and balls up a napkin or something and throws it toward my end of the bar. She misses. I felt like I was back in the cafeteria at grade school. I grab some napkins, and retaliate. I get a few stuck in her hair, hit her in the face a few times, but missed my true target of getting one in her drink. I keep pleasantly chatting with my lady friend all the while. But I was very much aware of the drama and commotion between her and her friends. they go to the bathroom together, she's texting up a storm, and soon I realize why.
The girl goes outside, and my lady friend advises that I chase to at least figure out what I did that's making her act so weird. I try to talk to her, when another guy pulls up, and he's there to pick her up and take her somewhere else. I suddenly realize she expects me to compete with this guy over her, or feel jealous, or something. I wink at her and go back into the bar and keep chatting with my friend. She sends me a text asking if I'm mad at her, this clearly being what she wanted.
I realize that her games had gotten to a level of cartoonish exaggeration, so I sent her a text at the end of the evening basically, calling her out on her behavior, telling her she's making a big deal over nothing, and essentially telling her it's over and nexting her.
Phone number deleted, I'm done with this girl. I shouldn't have to stress so much over a vagina, and there's tons of women out there who are way cooler than her.[/QUOTE]
A plethora of shit tests:
1) The stand off - You did EXACTLY what you were supposed to do in this situation. You ignored her. She doesn't deserve your attention and she has done nothing to earn your acknowledgement that she even exists.
2) The bird - BUT, you failed after she flipped you off. When she did that, you should have just cocked your head, gave her a perplexed look, and then re-engaged your friend. She WANTED you to come to her, this is why she created a spectical such as flipping you off. It was bait. And, when you took the bait three things happened 1) you rewarded her poor behavior with your attention 2) you lost the upper hand here, you came to her not her to you (this is HUGE, I never, ever go to a woman I make them come to me or not at all...those are the terms and they usually comply) 3) by going to her, you gave her permission to be dramatic and act out of line...you brought her poor behavior on yourself.
3) Inform her of her behavior - You told her that she was acting weird, but should have elaborated and said what it was specifically that was inappropriate for you. But, weird is good enough, it implies that she's acting wrong and that's what she needs to think. Kudos here.
4) No more tears - Water works was the next shit test. You ignored her, that's what you should have done. Good job.
5) Napkin wars - She threw a napkin(s) at you as bait, again. And, again, you took the bait and played her game. By throwing the napkin back at her you gave her attention. And, any attention for a woman is good attention. Again, you reinforced her poor behavior with the reward of your attention. At this point, you should have just removed yourself ENTIRELY from her presence. The ultimate take-away, disappear.
6) Following her out - Up to this point, you're still in the game, at least as much as you were before that night. But, it came off the rails when you followed her out. First things first, don't ever take the advice of a woman. EVER. Even if this girl is the coolest chick ever OR if she seems geniune about the advice. You never know, this other girl that gave you the advice could have given you shitty advice on purpose just to get rid of some competition. Most likely, she's wired to think she wants one thing but only falls for a guy that does the exact opposite.
This other girl WANTED you to follow her out. She WANTED you to see her with some other dude. Was she trying to get you jealous? Probably. Still though, that matters very little. Don't ever follow a woman. You will lose every time. It's better to have her walk away and you re-engage at a later date than it is for you to chase after her. That's not what women want. They want to chase you. It appeals to their dramatic side. And, it's a sign of strength for you...an alpha male never follows a woman, never.
7) Are you mad? - This was said for her, not for you. She expected you to say no, which exonerates her from guilt. But, if you said yes, then it boosts her ego and makes her feel better about herself. It's unclear if you even responded. If you did not, then kudos to you. If you did, then you failed another shit test (PS the best responses are no response or something assholish like: "The last episode of Seinfeld, Circuit City closing made me mad...I only get mad over important things" OR simply: "NEXT!!").
8) End of the night text - There was no need for a parting shot. She made her decision. Again, you gave her attention, thus rewarding her poor behavior. The BEST thing to have done was to simply ignore her and next her. She would have absolutely come crawling back eventually.
After reading this thread, I think what happened here was that you never tried to train this girl. You see, women are like children. They have to be taught what is right and wrong, what is appropriate and what is not. The way to do this through your attention, affection, and approval/disapproval. They hate how you treat them, but they love you for giving them structure and drama. The main reason this girl was so dramatic with you and shit tested you so fucking much was because you were inconsistent with how you treated her.
Think of it this way. If you had a dog and he pissed on the carpet one day and you punished him but the next time he pissed on the carpet you did not punish him, then do you think he'll ever learn to not piss on the carpet? Same thing with women. When they piss on you, you need to slap them down (obviously through removing yourself from her).
By their very nature, women WANT to please. This is why girls that are madly in love with you will do ANYTHING you want them to in bed, even if it's unpleasant or down right hurts them (for a great example of this check out The Killer Inside Me (the movie), you'll see exactly what I mean).
I am of the opinion that this girl liked(s) you but she was unsure of how to make you happy, she didn't know how to please you. Over time, the frustration from not fulfilling her biological desires to please the man she cares for outweights the affection she holds for him. Therefore, you get the drama that you got. It's a cry for help. She just wanted to learn how to behave the way you wanted her to.
Don't be afraid to 'teach' these girls what you need from them. One of two things happens, it takes or it doesn't. If it takes, then you have a little sex pot on your hands that will fulfill your every whim but you avoid drama like you experienced. If it doesn't take, then she stops calling. What's worse? Her not calling or bullshit drama.
- Guest
by Guest » Fri Sep 24, 2010 5:36 pm
[QUOTE=Bull Run;37811]
7) Are you mad? - This was said for her, not for you. She expected you to say no, which exonerates her from guilt. But, if you said yes, then it boosts her ego and makes her feel better about herself. It's unclear if you even responded. If you did not, then kudos to you. If you did, then you failed another shit test (PS the best responses are no response or something assholish like: "The last episode of Seinfeld, Circuit City closing made me mad...I only get mad over important things" OR simply: "NEXT!!").[/QUOTE]
I did relpy with an asshole text: "Hahaha", which I know for a fact does piss her off. She sent me a second one, I think "what?" and I replied with "Nothing ;)" This is going by memory, because I've already deleted all these texts because I was running out of space on my phone.
[QUOTE=Bull Run;37811]
8) End of the night text - There was no need for a parting shot. She made her decision. Again, you gave her attention, thus rewarding her poor behavior. The BEST thing to have done was to simply ignore her and next her. She would have absolutely come crawling back eventually.
[/QUOTE]
I was pretty drunk by that point (I obviously stuck around the bar for a while after the incident and continued my evening as normal), so maybe it wasn't such a good idea. I can't remember exactly what I wrote, but it was something along the lines of "But seriously, I can read between the lines of what you're trying to do, and so I think it'd be best for me to let you go. But really, you're making way too big a deal out of all of this."
Something along those lines. Probably was a bad idea in hindsight, but I think at the time I mistakenly believed I was making it clear to her that her behavior was unacceptable. The "big deal" part hopefully alluded to the fact that we are not in a relationship, and I don't want to be in a relationship. But honestly I don't know if any of that came across. I might have totally shot myself in the foot and totally lost the game with that one. But like you have pointed out, it wasn't the first mistake I made anyway.
Appreciate all the feedback, and hope I learn my lesson for next time. Hopefully I will stick to my guns and keep this girl a solid NEXT.
7) Are you mad? - This was said for her, not for you. She expected you to say no, which exonerates her from guilt. But, if you said yes, then it boosts her ego and makes her feel better about herself. It's unclear if you even responded. If you did not, then kudos to you. If you did, then you failed another shit test (PS the best responses are no response or something assholish like: "The last episode of Seinfeld, Circuit City closing made me mad...I only get mad over important things" OR simply: "NEXT!!").[/QUOTE]
I did relpy with an asshole text: "Hahaha", which I know for a fact does piss her off. She sent me a second one, I think "what?" and I replied with "Nothing ;)" This is going by memory, because I've already deleted all these texts because I was running out of space on my phone.
[QUOTE=Bull Run;37811]
8) End of the night text - There was no need for a parting shot. She made her decision. Again, you gave her attention, thus rewarding her poor behavior. The BEST thing to have done was to simply ignore her and next her. She would have absolutely come crawling back eventually.
[/QUOTE]
I was pretty drunk by that point (I obviously stuck around the bar for a while after the incident and continued my evening as normal), so maybe it wasn't such a good idea. I can't remember exactly what I wrote, but it was something along the lines of "But seriously, I can read between the lines of what you're trying to do, and so I think it'd be best for me to let you go. But really, you're making way too big a deal out of all of this."
Something along those lines. Probably was a bad idea in hindsight, but I think at the time I mistakenly believed I was making it clear to her that her behavior was unacceptable. The "big deal" part hopefully alluded to the fact that we are not in a relationship, and I don't want to be in a relationship. But honestly I don't know if any of that came across. I might have totally shot myself in the foot and totally lost the game with that one. But like you have pointed out, it wasn't the first mistake I made anyway.
Appreciate all the feedback, and hope I learn my lesson for next time. Hopefully I will stick to my guns and keep this girl a solid NEXT.
- Guest
by Guest » Tue May 24, 2011 3:53 am
[QUOTE=Fuzz;37158]Well, I don't know how we would've fucked with the friend in the room. Dominance is a major issue with this one, you're right. Like I said, she's very into power games. I thought this weekend, the thing to do would be to drop the games and just try and act as natural as possible, and just assume she is chasing me, but give her a chance to catch me as well. I also wanted to act in a way that qualifies her chasing efforts. I think I succeeded in that for sure, but I don't know if it's the right plan of action.[/QUOTE]
I had to resurrect this thread. You can always fuck. It's called foreplay and teasing while being quiet. There was also a bathroom, a hallway, and probabl a fucking ice closet.
This past summer I fucked a girl at a swimming party out in the open (move the bathing suits to the side) and all her friends were there. It was amazing and hot.. and what's fucking amazing is that not a damn person noticed.
Live a little.. men. Easily could have done it with the other girl in the room. Just have to be quiet and slowly slowly turn her on to the point she has to find a solution.
I had to resurrect this thread. You can always fuck. It's called foreplay and teasing while being quiet. There was also a bathroom, a hallway, and probabl a fucking ice closet.
This past summer I fucked a girl at a swimming party out in the open (move the bathing suits to the side) and all her friends were there. It was amazing and hot.. and what's fucking amazing is that not a damn person noticed.
Live a little.. men. Easily could have done it with the other girl in the room. Just have to be quiet and slowly slowly turn her on to the point she has to find a solution.
- Guest
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