Could really use help with my dating profile...

[Guest]

Well, my project at work just got put on hold for the day...so I have time to pick through your profile and stuff to hopefully help ya out.

I'd like to second what Grimm said about your username and appearance. You're basically displaying two polar opposites without the chick even looking half way down your page. Congruency is one of the most important traits of a man of value. You might have meant it to be funny or whatever, but since these people don't know you (and it's not blatantly obvious) that you're kidding...best to just switch it.

[QUOTE=Budguy68;34979]
Set one

Me;
Hey hi
[/QUOTE]

I'm assuming that "Hey hi" is your subject line. Not only is this subject redundant, but it's also the most generic, boring, easy to overlook, zero-thought line ever. Remember, the subject line is the 1st thing the girls will read...if they even read it at all. An ex of mine told me that she would immediately delete any messages that were simple greetings, used internet slang, used "ghetto" slang, had grammar/spelling errors, or that told her how hot she was.

Your #1 goal is to stand out amongst the sea of PlentyOfFish dicks (GET IT?!) Attractive girls get 50+ messages a day...don't be easy to look over.

[QUOTE=Budguy68;34979]
Quote:
Its nice and very rare to find a girl that values logic (Iam serious about that). Anyways I think we would make a pretty good match. Message me back if you want to talk.
[/QUOTE]

Don't be so quick to jump to "making a good match" or talking about "how well you would work" together...that's highly assumptive and borderline creepy. The only thing you should assume in your interaction with them is that you are a high value individual, and they will benefit from knowing you.

Mentioning that she values logic could work for you, but the only way I could really see it going anywhere as a point of conversation is a segway in to a story of yours once you get her talking. Instead, focus more on something in her profile that would be easier for her to talk to you about for the initial reply. I used music a lot, because music is very big in my life and I know a shit ton about it. I'd challenge a girl on her music preferences, tell her I wanted to play a game and ask her to list the first 10 songs off her iPod, bring up local bands, etc. You can do this with pretty much anything that a girl says she's in to aside from the typical shit like "having fun" "hanging with friends" and "going out."

[QUOTE=Budguy68;34979]
Thanks for liking my profile. Lolgic is a funny thing sometimes because I notice many times its more logical to be illogical when it comes to socializing with people.

You'll just have to wait and see if Iam joking or not.... :P

Iam usually more on myspace. Do you use it by any chance?
[/QUOTE]

First off, PROOF-READ WHAT YOU SEND. Fix spelling errors, add proper punctuation.

Granted, this is simply my opinion, but this response reads like, "HEY! You acknowledged my existence! Let's be best internet friends." You know NOTHING about her except what she supposedly looks like from her 1-6 pictures, supposedly is like from her blurb about herself (which are always exaggerated or flat out lies), and that there's a smaller chance that she's a spammer because she didn't automatically respond asking you to visit and sign up on some webcam site. Why would you care to add her to your MySpace? You shouldn't care to yet.

Oh, and drop MySpace. She's right, everyone uses Facebook.

Same applies for Set #2. You got the "sorry I've been busy" reply purely out of courtesy. You gave her nothing to respond to. If you don't get a response from a girl but you'd really like another stab at getting convo going with her, message her again but don't bring up the fact that she didn't respond before...but don't act like you've NEVER messaged her before. Just start up a new conversation thread.

Now, on to your profile...

I would recommend changing the "Rico Suave" bit. Looks cheesy, arrogant, and isn't really backed up by anything they can tell about you from your profile. Mine said, "Chicks dig my Harry Potter toothbrush."

Add as many pics as it will allow you, and only add pics that are RECENT. Would you really care what a chick went as for Halloween 2 years ago? Or even looked like 2 years ago? I wouldn't.

Spend a little more time in your "Interests" field. From reading the 3 things you put, I would assume you to be an aloholic gamer geek loner. Even if you are...be creative and make it seem like you're something a little higher up the social ladder, lol. I'm not saying lie, but you can do better than that!

I would also take your "About Me" paragraphs and flip them upside down...meaning the crap about not learning anything from a profile goes to the bottom, and the crap about what you're looking for to the top and so on. No need to tell someone that it's a waste of time to read something like this before they actually read it...don't make that decision for them.

I put the following for my 1st date blurb, "First dates are basically interviews, so I insist on us meeting up some place we'll be able to chat and goof off easily. I'd rather impress you with who I am, not the fancy place we go to eat or hang out. Let's grab a drink or something and see where it goes. I always have something fun in mind to do, so you won't be disappointed."

You could use something like, "The first date will be a calm casual meet up...ya know, get the interview portion of a date over with. As long as we can chat or whatever easily, we'll be just fine. If I decide I like you, I might even let you see my cat do back-flips :P"

That's all I really have for now...I stopped half way through and lost my train of thought :(

[Guest]

Lion, your profile is pretty fuckin funny. Shit, even I'd repond to your ad lol

[Guest]

Damn, Lion beat me to it. He mentioned 90% of what I did...oh wells.

They say great minds think a like...but that doesn't apply here. :)

[Guest]

Good stuff Bull Run and thank you. Iam starting to see what you mean by all the passive profiles. PoF is full of them!

Curious, do you apply the same 'dominate writing' to your myspace?

Here's one profile info that I found that caught my attention and is decent.



About Me:
Before you decide on messaging me, there are a few things in which I must clarify. I believe that one should judge a person through their personally interaction, not their past. Yet I think it is necessary to know where they came from.

School is my number one priority! There are no buts! Although in consideration, I am new to the Dallas area and would be eager to met new people and become acquainted with the city. I am majoring in engineering, and currently on my second year of college at CCCCD.

I am normally comfortable in any social situation. I am very easy to talk to, yet I come off as shy sometimes.I normally come off as funny, spontaneous, and energetic. I do like random messages so don’t be afraid to message me, I don’t bite, only nibble!


First Date:
Anything but a movie...

[Guest]

Good stuff Lion and Smirks. Pretty cool email Lion, Ill probably try it. And don't worry, I like the abuse, just as long as I can call you [I]Papi[/I] while you do it ;-)

ANywho I also want to be careful not to post something that I'm obviously not. Not yet at least.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Budguy68;34998]Good stuff Bull Run and thank you. Iam starting to see what you mean by all the passive profiles. PoF is full of them!

Curious, do you apply the same 'dominate writing' to your myspace?[/QUOTE]


You should always use a dominant voice in your writing and when you're speaking with other people. When you use a passive voice, you're implying that you don't really believe what it is that you're saying. When people get the sense that you don't believe your own bullshit, then they'll never believe your bullshit and will never respect you.



[QUOTE=Budguy68;34998]
About Me:
Before you decide on messaging me, there are a few things in which I must clarify. I believe that one should judge a person through their personally interaction, not their past. Yet I think it is necessary to know where they came from.

School is my number one priority! There are no buts! Although in consideration, I am new to the Dallas area and would be eager to met new people and become acquainted with the city. I am majoring in engineering, and currently on my second year of college at CCCCD.

I am normally comfortable in any social situation. I am very easy to talk to, yet I come off as shy sometimes.I normally come off as funny, spontaneous, and energetic. I do like random messages so don’t be afraid to message me, I don’t bite, only nibble!


First Date:
Anything but a movie...[/QUOTE]


This profile is still pretty awful. The way I've always constructed my profiles are based on the following formula:

1) Unique headline. If your headline resembles anything even close to anyone else's then it's probably no good.

2) Dominant language.

3) I do not put specifics of my life in the profile. I do not tell any one where I live, what I drive, what I do for a living, my level of education, etc. Even though all of these things can be very strong DHV's, I simply exclude them. I call these 'resume' points. Anything that is factual and you can varify should generally not be included. Most people use these resume points as proof of how intelligent they are, or how funny they are, or how cool they are. Ehh, wrong. They just come off as try hard.

4) I let my personality shine through in my profile. This means that you're going to have to take some risks, but they should be calculated risks. If what you say is only going to end up turning off a girl that you would never be interested in but is crucial to your personality, then you should include it in the profile.

Here's some excerpts from my profile:

[COLOR=red]for fun:[/COLOR]

[COLOR=red]I enjoy smoking, petty theft, drinking, making prank calls pretending to be a mime, and self-righteous indignation. My hobbies include Recycling Chapstick and refereeing Full-Contact Origami matches.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=red]my ethnicity:[/COLOR]

[COLOR=red]I'm Dutch, we're a proud people who have brought the world great discoveries such as CD's, bacteria, The rings of Saturn, the telescope, and Australia...you're welcome.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=red]my favorite hotspots:[/COLOR]

[COLOR=red]I'm a proficient dive bar explorer. Deep Ellum still has a few cool places. Addison if I want to keep it real. Lakewood, G'ville, or Expo Park if I don't want to drive far. Not a fan of Uptown, but love to go and make fun of the $30K Millionaires..[/COLOR]

[COLOR=red]what I want:[/COLOR]

[COLOR=red]If you’re provocative instead of boring, sexy instead of hot, social instead of introspective, an individual instead of special, more Betty Paige than Marilyn Monroe, and found yourself nodding enthusiastically while laughing aloud while you read this, then you owe it to yourself to contact me.[/COLOR]

A few of the things I say in my profile might be off-putting to some women, which is fine. If they don't like it, I know there's a 99.9% chance that I won't like them anyways. On the other hand, if they do like it there's a pretty good chance I'll like them.

5) Pictures are crucial. I sell myself as a fun, creative, spontaneous guy that wants to have a good time. So, some of my pics include the following:

Me hanging from a tree wearing a St. Patties Day hat and holding a kickball (it was for a calendar photoshoot)
Me riding a mechanical bull wearing a tie, jeans, and a vest
Me riding a really tiny carousel...like the ones meant for 4 year olds...
Me with an attractive blonde

All of my pics subcommunicate what I've tried to portray in my profile using my words, but it lends more credence to what I've written because you can actually see it. Your pictures act as proof. They don't generally win girls over, they just reiterate the emotional rollercoaster that your profile should have taken them on...OR if they look at them first, they'll think "holy shit, this guy is hanging from a tree...I've got to read his profile." In this case, the profile reiterates the pics.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Bull Run;35002][COLOR=red]making prank calls pretending to be a mime[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

Makes me giggle because I got smashed back in college after a girl broke up with me, called her in the middle of the night, and didn't say a word. The next day, this is all I could come up with to not look like a pussy...lol.

[Guest]

This is a topic I have some experience and a little success with. So here are my thoughts.

I saw the David Deangelo video about online dating, and I must say the advice in that video is not good for most guys, especially the part by Style about being a total dick in your profile. Most guys can't keep up that "is this guy for real?" persona. I know it doesn't work for me. If you can't be congruent with it, she will see it as a trick and drop you before she meets you. On the other hand, if you can be congruent with it, by all means, use it.

Your profile should be short. She doesn't want to read that much, and she might move on just because she gets bored reading. I agree with BR and Smirks that the subject of your email is very important. Think about what a woman does on an online dating site. She logs on, looks at all the new emails, filters out the ones from ugly guys or with no pictures, filters out the ones with "hi" in the subject line, filters out the ones with a compliment in the subject line, and then reads the three unread emails that remain. She doesn't go out searching for you and falling in love with your profile.

The man's profile is there to back up his first email. I think it's important to have a default picture of your smiling face and a catchy tag line. The content of the profile should subcommunicate more than it communicates. That creates mystery. It should not be a biographical datasheet.

Here is my recent profile:
[quote]Tage Line: Get Lost

About Me:
My mom says I'm handsome. My dad says I'm a "neat guy." My sister says I'm hilarious. My ex wife says I'm a great father. My son says I should find a nice, pretty girl who isn't crazy. My friends say I'm loyal and reliable. You will say I'm fun, clever, challenging, intelligent, a great kisser, a skilled listener, positive, happy, honest, and open.

About Her:
If you are someone who can start at the beginning and really get to know someone, who can take a chance and expose the person you are deep inside, not that person you normally show the everyday world with rules and roles, but the person who ponders fantasies and amazing possibilities, then you might be someone I would like to get to know. You may think this is you, but you're probably not bold enough to act on this opportunity to reach out and make a connection. If you are, then don't forget to be sexy and fun. If not, then good luck with your search. There are a lot of super hot guys out there (I've seen them).

First Date:
Let's make forts out of couch coushins and have a nerf fight[/quote]

I think the profile should have a call to action and subcommunicate that she will miss out if she doesn't act. And it should have something goofy that she will comment on, like the nerf fight or Smirks' Harry Potter toothbrush. Women like to think of themselves as dorks.

I like to make the first email short. I try to add something funny or teasing. I call her either "adorable" or "sexy," but say that I'm wondering what else she has to offer. Then, I issue a challenging question, like "if I were to ask you to name three things about you that would make me want to get to know you better, what would they be?"

I don't tell her to write back, unless she has a rant in her profile about how you shouldn't get upset if she doesn't write back right away because she's busy and wasn't put on this earth to respond to every email she gets. Then, I say something like:
[quote]P.S. Please, I ask you to please write back quickly please. I know I have only seen some words and pictures on the Internet, but I think I'm falling in love with you. If you don't write back... well... there's no telling what I'll do.[/quote]
This does three things: it points out how ridiculous the other guys are and says that you "get it," it points out how ridiculous it is for her to think she has that kind of power over men, and it gives her something funny to talk about.

I usually go for the phone number after three or four emails. This is how I do it:
[quote]Let's talk like normal people. My cell number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. If you're too shy to call me, you can send me your number.[/quote]
Women don't like to have the shy presumption made about them. This is like a dare they can't say no to.

[Guest]

Yeah Rhody I've notice the same thing too. Gurus who talk about online dating usually Advocate being a Dick and even making a profile that makes it seem that you're not trying to impress anyone. This dude named Black Dragon, whos an expert in the subject, comes to mind.

This asshole character isn't working for me either or maybe Dallas chicks don't fall for it? I usually get replies like "Yeah right" or "No match." or "LOL I hope you're just joking."

Well anyways, Cool profile you have there. Its light, simple and cheery. I'll probably borrow some of your material and change it around a bit. thx