Indirect game reinforing limiting beliefs. (It's not all about looks)

[Guest]

This is a post that I've been meaning to make for some time I don't have a problem saying this but the whole reason I looked into this stuff is because of a lack of success with women at different parts of my life. This is one of the major lightbulbs that has gone off in my head over the course of my journey and hopefully this will help you guys out. Being the handsome devil that I am it might surprise you a little to hear me say these things, but here it goes. As I started to experience success and aquire skill and excel at game I realized that any amount of skill simply can not compensate for a lack of confidence or strength of identity. The person that I started with and my wing (Snuggles) has literally had to tell me at times "Dude you are good looking guy, act like it and be more direct." He has a completely different style then I do. He is more polite, less arrogant and lower energy. He is also easily twice as sexual and rooted in the fact that he is a more physically attractive guy than most and his advances are usually well recieved based on this alone. He pointed out to me once that while my charisma would usually steal the show in set that there were still areas that i was unnecessarily trying to compensate in. This made us think and really break down some things and here is what we realized.

1. All of the theory, canned materal and studying that I originally did came out of a basic belief that I am unatractive to women and I need a tactic, method or strategy that will open a door that would otherwise be closed to me. In a lot of ways everything game related was reinforcing this untrue belief. Looks are very arbitrary in all this it is tue, but at the same time the insecurity I had developed over the years was even more evident the better i got delivering lines.
2. Being tall, muscular, fit and almost a college athlete did not make me consider myself anything special. Instead it made me compare myself to other people that had played basketball at that level and say to myself "how come I don't look like that?" Needless to say the scale that I have been judging myself by for most of my life was pretty unfair, and nowhere near the scale that women judge by.
3. I had been incorrectly identifying my "weakness" and reason for my lack of success as simply being not the best looking guy out there.

It is extremely weird to me how for most of my life it is has been easier to accept this as fact and try to compensate in the wrong areas (getting jacked physically, or bone thin, throwing money around) then it has been to accept that my insecurities themselves are in fact the only thing that have ever been unatractive about me. The same could be said about any of you in your specific situation. Don't use any of this as a crutch or it will show and you will hinder your own personal developement and limit your success ultimately. Instead use it as a tool to improve your perspetive of yourself.

Sorry for the long post. Happy New Years Guys! Let's make this a good one!

[Guest]

I used to have the same problem, and actually still do to a certain extent. I think that what we have to understand is that women do not judge a man the same way that we judge a woman. Most women don't worry about how 'hot' their boyfriend is or is not. I consider myself to be average in the looks department, but I've had several girlfriends tell me, while their creaming on my massive penis, that they think I'm beautiful. Now, if you hear that a few times it will totally blow your mind...seriously, it will.

Anyway, women judge men on a wide spectrum of issues. Men judge women on a more narrow spectrum. For men, we're mostly concerned with the following:

1) Attractiveness. That's the first one. We want her to be attractive and healthy so that our offspring will be as well.
2) Nuturing capacity. We want her to be able to take care of us and our offspring. Basically, we want to marry a hotter version of our mom...sounds sick, but it's true. Understand that being a nuturer involves so much more than simply cooking, cleaning, and caring for our offspring. It means providing us with those things that we need and want at the appropriate moments. It could be a morning blow job, an after lunch blow job, or a 'let's hurry up and milk your balls before my parents come over for dinner' blow job. You get the idea...
3) After the first two, everything else is very much marginal. Sure, you may want a smart chick, a funny chick, a chick with a dick, whatever. The point is that the first two items are the most crucial for a man and his selection of a mate.

Now, women on the other hand, have so much more that they want from us:

1) Provider. Can he provide for me and our offspring? Can I rely on him to take care of me?
2) Intelligence. The smarter you are the better provider you could be and the better genes our offspring will have.
3) Healthy. Understand that this doesn't mean that you're hot. It just means that you're healthy. Generally, the more fit you are, the more they like you.
4) Charm, charisma, and wit. I lumped all of these together because they tell her the same thing...men with charm, charisma, and wit tend to be much better providers.
5) Resourcefulness. When things get tough is he going to get tough as well, or is he going to get going? Also, when things are bleak will he find a way to make sure everything will be taken care of?
6) Everything else is pretty much marginal. If you can fit into all of the above criteria for a girl, understand that either fitting or not is up to her, then she'll be more than willing to compromise on everything else. Do you have a small penis? Yes. Well, if you have the above, then she'll cope with that fact. Do you enjoy sports and watch them all the time? Yes. Well, then she'll deal with that but bitch the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME. You get the idea.

It's interesting, but the stakes matter so much more for a woman than a man. The reason is the biological window for being able to reproduce. Men can continue having babies even when they're at Death's door. Women, on the other hand, only have about 30 years to spit out babies (~15 to 45)...and, that's being very generous. As such, the requirements that a woman is going to have for a man are much, much higher. We have the luxury of fucking around and wasting time. They do not. As such, they don't fuck around. They judge you on the above criteria, if you don't fit, you don't stay.

Looks matter, but only in the sense that they get you the audition. Your performance once you get the role is what keeps you around or doesn't...

[Guest]

It boggles my mind to think that a woman would even consider letting a guy like me crawl on top of her. I look around and see exponentially better options and think it must be a let-down for them to get stuck with such a bottom feeder. My very best friend is god's gift to women. He's like a George Michael/collin Farrell hybrid and women go fucking nuts for him. Over the last decade I've avoided hanging out with him because women consistently approach me and ask, "hey, is your friend single?" ..."oh, nice to meet you but we're interested in him." It gets really old and I think I need to see a psychologist because of it.

I need to BELIEVE the female system so I can learn how to beat it.

[Guest]

This might actually be old hat to a lot of you guys and isn't something that i really struggle with as much anymore. I've been applying my new reality to my perspective so to say. I was hoping that this could help someone else develope.

@Cheese - Believe it or not hanging out with your boy actually raises your value when you guys are out together. Don't be insecure about it when a girl asks you about him... help her join his fan club. Say something like "Not only is he single, he's also a doctor, and his car... a white stalion" Take the oppurtunity to show her how witty(attractive) YOU are by being cool about the fact that he gets attention for his admirable traits and you get attention for yours.

[Guest]

yeah, but I have Down's Syndrome.

[Guest]

Had dinner with an old FB (Now Friend) this evening. At some point the topic was how if I had an additional 20 lbs on my frame that was muscle I would look way better.

Her response: Yes, initially you would probably look a little better. But after a very short period of time that means jack shit to girls.

In a nutshell: It matters very little. It might get you in the door but you better have the rest of your shit together if you want her sticking around. It is better to have all the other shit covered in life then to look ripped and amazing.

On another note related to this: I asked her or it just came up that the thing she was most attracted to me for was: My Confidence.

#2: I kept her in check.


Often you will find that things like this come up a shit load in normal conversation with girls you are sleeping with. Especially if it is a casual relationship. Over and over and over the number one thing was always Confidence. Keep that in mind the next time you approach a girl. How confident are you? I got to the point when I was at my peak that I literally expected her to say YES. It was just a given.

[Guest]

What is confidence again? Oh yeah, the definition can be shifted into whatever so whoever evokes it can always apply it however. I still firmly believe that women want a guy who can kick the shit out of every guy in the room, pay their medical bills, then drive said girl home in a Ferrari and almost impregnate her so she can leech money off him for the rest of her life while she purse-shops. This is what women call "confidence."

[Guest]

[QUOTE=playercool;34324]Had dinner with an old FB (Now Friend) this evening. At some point the topic was how if I had an additional 20 lbs on my frame that was muscle I would look way better.

Her response: Yes, initially you would probably look a little better. But after a very short period of time that means jack shit to girls.

In a nutshell: It matters very little. It might get you in the door but you better have the rest of your shit together if you want her sticking around. It is better to have all the other shit covered in life then to look ripped and amazing.

[/QUOTE]

After having worked in a gym for a while I can say that the guys who were jacked and confident verses the guys who are just confident pulled way more girls. Now the girls may like the not-so-jacked guy more in the long run, in the short run they always go for the jacked guys. I've seen it over and over with some friends who are jacked like Greek statues.

Afterall, you can't truly be 100% complete without a goodlooking body. A healthy body is a healthy mind.

Which makes me wonder why I haven't been working out much and eating garbage for the past year.

On the other hand...

A jacked guy with zero confidence vs. a regular guy with confidence, the regular guy will win every time.

Indeed, the main ingredient is confidence. But wouldn't everyone be 100% more confident if they looked like Hercules?
[ATTACH]3[/ATTACH]

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Ram;34310]This is a post that I've been meaning to make for some time I don't have a problem saying this but the whole reason I looked into this stuff is because of a lack of success with women at different parts of my life. This is one of the major lightbulbs that has gone off in my head over the course of my journey and hopefully this will help you guys out. Being the handsome devil that I am it might surprise you a little to hear me say these things, but here it goes. As I started to experience success and aquire skill and excel at game I realized that any amount of skill simply can not compensate for a lack of confidence or strength of identity. The person that I started with and my wing (Snuggles) has literally had to tell me at times "Dude you are good looking guy, act like it and be more direct." He has a completely different style then I do. He is more polite, less arrogant and lower energy. He is also easily twice as sexual and rooted in the fact that he is a more physically attractive guy than most and his advances are usually well recieved based on this alone. He pointed out to me once that while my charisma would usually steal the show in set that there were still areas that i was unnecessarily trying to compensate in. This made us think and really break down some things and here is what we realized.

1. All of the theory, canned materal and studying that I originally did came out of a basic belief that I am unatractive to women and I need a tactic, method or strategy that will open a door that would otherwise be closed to me. In a lot of ways everything game related was reinforcing this untrue belief. Looks are very arbitrary in all this it is tue, but at the same time the insecurity I had developed over the years was even more evident the better i got delivering lines.
2. Being tall, muscular, fit and almost a college athlete did not make me consider myself anything special. Instead it made me compare myself to other people that had played basketball at that level and say to myself "how come I don't look like that?" Needless to say the scale that I have been judging myself by for most of my life was pretty unfair, and nowhere near the scale that women judge by.
3. I had been incorrectly identifying my "weakness" and reason for my lack of success as simply being not the best looking guy out there.

It is extremely weird to me how for most of my life it is has been easier to accept this as fact and try to compensate in the wrong areas (getting jacked physically, or bone thin, throwing money around) then it has been to accept that my insecurities themselves are in fact the only thing that have ever been unatractive about me. The same could be said about any of you in your specific situation. Don't use any of this as a crutch or it will show and you will hinder your own personal developement and limit your success ultimately. Instead use it as a tool to improve your perspetive of yourself.

Sorry for the long post. Happy New Years Guys! Let's make this a good one![/QUOTE]


I enjoyed this post and BR's response. I'll say this from my humble experience and from what girls will even say. It all matters. Looks do matter, but they're not everything especially from the female perspective. You need a well rounded game. But from what I've seen, looks are an initial attractor and can help get your foot in the door with a warmer reception, but in the end, it's just ICING on the cake for the ladies. BR hit it on the bull's eye with what women look for compared to men. Looks matter, but it seems to be only 20% of the equation. And if you have a strong 80% in the rest of what matters, you still have a SOLID game w/o looks or average looks.

Oh, and being "jacked"..lol..whether you have looks or not, you can definitely attain this..and in my experience, is an INSTANT DHV and reoccuring DHV spike. I call it a gift of reoccuring DHV because it gives back to YOU. Because you have a better than average body, you will exude more confidence knowing you are different from the average person. And also when you are with a hot girl and she's making comments or stroking your ego, she is DHVing you and that in turn builds your confidence even more. This is an easy thing to do and has health benefits, so why not do it!? Competence breeds confidence. :)

[Guest]

I used to have this same exact problem. I thought I was way too skinny and I couldn't gain muscle even after working out with body builders and being in the Army for two years. I was extremely self conscious, but what happened to me was I started seeing this girls down in Florida and she always told me how gorgeous I was. It really boosted my ego, and that is essentially what I needed.

Since then, so many girls have told me the same thing. I can't believe now that I ever had that frame.

And I have even pulled girls by pointing at them and bending my finger to get them to come. You have to know that you are attractive before a girl sees you as attractive. They see what you see.

Unless you see attractive as someone with poor hygiene, rolling in garbage, but if you ever meet a girl that you are attracted to in that sense, chances are she'll like you for it to, lol.