Opinions Wanted on Party

[Guest]

I recently had an interesting opportunity, and I wonder if I handled it right. So I welcome feedback, even critical feedback.

There is a girl in my social circle that I gamed very little. I would say that she is a HB8.5. Her face is a 7 or a 7.5, but her body is a very solid 9. I flirted a little bit on facebook, but because she's in my social circle not much game is really needed. It doesn't hurt that in our social circle I am the leader. I wasn't sure about her reaction on facebook, because the last thing I did was give her my cell number and she didn't respond.

Anyway, she invited me to a Thanksgiving get-together with friends. I didn't go because I already had plans for Thanksgiving. Now, I assumed this was just her being nice and friendly because she knew I don't have any family in the area.

But yesterday she sent me a text inviting me to a party. Here's how the text conversation went.
HB: My friend & I are having a party tonight at her place. Come by if you're around.

Me: That sounds like fun. What time? And who is this?
HB: Haha! It's , didn't realize you didn't have my #. 8pm

So here was my thinking. It is a strong IOI for her to invite me to two parties within the span of three days. However, these are both parties that she is throwing, which means she knows everybody and I don't know anybody but her. If I go, then I could very likely end up on my own most of the time trying to make friends with a group of people who know each other very well. Also, I had other options, but no solid plans. But she didn't know that. So if I went to the party, then it would have appeared like I had nothing to do on a Saturday night. So I answered:
Me: Can't make it tonight. Thanks for the invite. See you monday

My plan is the next time I see her I'll thank her for the invitation, point out that it was short notice, and then tell her that I would like to do something with her outside of the usual environment. I would prefer to get her on neutral turf, just her and me.

How many of you would have gone to the party? I know walking in, taking over the party, befriending everybody, and then leaving to do something else would have been very strong. But it is high risk/high reward. If her friends weren't friendly or open to me, then it could have backfired. What do you think?

[Guest]

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take-Wayne Gretzky

[Guest]

If I would have gone, I probably would have brought my own friends.

No harm in going and testing the water first, you can always cover yourself, when she comes up to do the whole, "Hey!! Im glad you could make it!" thing when she first see's you, you could preface with "Hey, me too! I had other plans but they started a little bit later, so I thought I'd stop by. This party isn't for me right? I'd totally feel bad if it was."

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Rhody;33825]I recently had an interesting opportunity, and I wonder if I handled it right. So I welcome feedback, even critical feedback.

There is a girl in my social circle that I gamed very little. I would say that she is a HB8.5. Her face is a 7 or a 7.5, but her body is a very solid 9. I flirted a little bit on facebook, but because she's in my social circle not much game is really needed. It doesn't hurt that in our social circle I am the leader. I wasn't sure about her reaction on facebook, because the last thing I did was give her my cell number and she didn't respond.

Anyway, she invited me to a Thanksgiving get-together with friends. I didn't go because I already had plans for Thanksgiving. Now, I assumed this was just her being nice and friendly because she knew I don't have any family in the area.

But yesterday she sent me a text inviting me to a party. Here's how the text conversation went.
HB: My friend & I are having a party tonight at her place. Come by if you're around.

Me: That sounds like fun. What time? And who is this?
HB: Haha! It's , didn't realize you didn't have my #. 8pm

So here was my thinking. It is a strong IOI for her to invite me to two parties within the span of three days. However, these are both parties that she is throwing, which means she knows everybody and I don't know anybody but her. If I go, then I could very likely end up on my own most of the time trying to make friends with a group of people who know each other very well. Also, I had other options, but no solid plans. But she didn't know that. So if I went to the party, then it would have appeared like I had nothing to do on a Saturday night. So I answered:
Me: Can't make it tonight. Thanks for the invite. See you monday

My plan is the next time I see her I'll thank her for the invitation, point out that it was short notice, and then tell her that I would like to do something with her outside of the usual environment. I would prefer to get her on neutral turf, just her and me.

How many of you would have gone to the party? I know walking in, taking over the party, befriending everybody, and then leaving to do something else would have been very strong. But it is high risk/high reward. If her friends weren't friendly or open to me, then it could have backfired. What do you think?[/QUOTE]

I think you were being a big wuss by not going! You are only strong when you are on facebook where you are the "leader" as you stated! lol...... puhleeze tigga!

Women see fear from a mile away and the strong ones will call you out on it every time! You really could have impressed this girl by showing up to a party where you don't know anybody and making several new friends. Women are very social creatures and these types of interactions are very important to them. You blew an opportunity to showcase your own social skills, make new friends, and impress this girl.

Heck this girl took a chance on inviting you...................

Next time here's what you tell her:

"Hey, I'll be out with my friends and if we have time we'll stop by!" Roll up in there with a buddy or two. Preferably one that is good in social settings and can supplement you with value. Never hurts to bring a bottle of wine or whatever you feel is appropriate also.

Just think..............had you showed up to the party you could have impressed the entire room, while impressing her in the process. And with a little liquor flowing, just to knock the edge off those inhibitions, taken this woman to bed and got to see what that HB9 body really looked like under those clothes! I don't know about you but I love l(o)(o)king at fine female bodies and this was the perfect setting to make it happen.

You made several points that lead me to believe you could improve your social skills. Doing so would give you the confidence that isn't there. If you were confident you would not have to meet on "neutral" ground. Improving your skills in social settings will greatly improve your chances with women.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Finesse;33834]If I would have gone, I probably would have brought my own friends.[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure if bringing friends was the way to go. Like I said, I am the leader in our social circle. Everybody knows everybody else through me. I talk to everybody. In fact, I usually don't have much time to talk to her because I'm involved with everybody else. So I don't really need to impress her with my social skills, and I don't need to show her that I have cool friends that "supplement me with value." She's already seen that. I think the dynamic was that she wanted to bring me into her world rather than the other way around.

[quote]No harm in going and testing the water first, you can always cover yourself, when she comes up to do the whole, "Hey!! Im glad you could make it!" thing when she first see's you, you could preface with "Hey, me too! I had other plans but they started a little bit later, so I thought I'd stop by. This party isn't for me right? I'd totally feel bad if it was."[/quote]

Yeah, if I went, it would have been for a short time to test the water as you say. I did have other plans, but I could have stopped in for about an hour.

No harm done. I'll see her tonight. I was just curious what people thought of the frame game, women being more comfortable on their turf, falling into the orbiter role, etc.

[Guest]

I'd like to preface whatever verbal diarrhea follows with this: I don't mean the following in a destructive way.

Judging by the tone of your post, and the hesitation to be exposed to a different social scene than you're used to leads me to believe that if you are in fact the "leader" of your social circle, then it must be chock full of socially weak individuals. To be a leader of men brings with it an indifference of surroundings. You are you no matter where you are, or who you are with. It's almost like your alpha facade is...well...a facade. You were afraid to be exposed as a non-alpha personality. I don't know you personally, this is just what I gather from your post.

You definitely missed a good opportunity. Seeing that she was caring enough to invite you to Thanksgiving because you don't have any family around here, I'm pretty sure she would have felt obligated to spend time with you and/or introduce you to plenty of people. Why be afraid that people MIGHT not be cordial/open to you? If you're not a creep, then anyone (especially in the south) would be more than happy to make friendly time with you. Do you feel that in a bar/club setting too? People rarely go to bars solo...especially girls...so it's basically the same thing.

I wouldn't bring up that the invite was short notice. That's kind of a "little shit" comment. How DARE she expect her invite to be okay with you and your busy schedule!? Also, she might be more comfortable getting to know you in social settings before breaking off in to a date-like setup. She handles herself in your social circle, you failed to do the same in hers.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Smirks;33850]I'd like to preface whatever verbal diarrhea follows with this: I don't mean the following in a destructive way.[/QUOTE]

After reading your post, I will say that I did not take it as destructive at all. You communicate like you know how to deal with people, so I value your input.

[quote]Judging by the tone of your post, and the hesitation to be exposed to a different social scene than you're used to leads me to believe that if you are in fact the "leader" of your social circle, then it must be chock full of socially weak individuals. To be a leader of men brings with it an indifference of surroundings. You are you no matter where you are, or who you are with. It's almost like your alpha facade is...well...a facade. You were afraid to be exposed as a non-alpha personality. I don't know you personally, this is just what I gather from your post.[/quote]

You judge the group as being "weak individuals" based on what? Based on me being the leader? And with your acknowledgement that you don't know me personally, is that much information to go on? If you take this paragraph out of your post, it's gold. I didn't ask for peole to judge my friends sight unseen.

[quote]You definitely missed a good opportunity. Seeing that she was caring enough to invite you to Thanksgiving because you don't have any family around here, I'm pretty sure she would have felt obligated to spend time with you and/or introduce you to plenty of people. Why be afraid that people MIGHT not be cordial/open to you? If you're not a creep, then anyone (especially in the south) would be more than happy to make friendly time with you. Do you feel that in a bar/club setting too? People rarely go to bars solo...especially girls...so it's basically the same thing.[/quote]

That is a great point. I realized after the fact that some of that language slipped into my post. I was talking about the high risk/high reward aspect of the dynamic being flipped on its head, and some fear of not being accepted showed through. Thanks for pointing that out in a critical, but diplomatic, manner.

I will even go one step further. Seeing as how the other guests likely all know each other, and I would be the outsider, they would probably ALL try to make me feel welcome. So having the dynamic turned on its head would actually be in my favor.

So you're right. I did miss an opportunity.

[quote]I wouldn't bring up that the invite was short notice. That's kind of a "little shit" comment. How DARE she expect her invite to be okay with you and your busy schedule!? Also, she might be more comfortable getting to know you in social settings before breaking off in to a date-like setup. She handles herself in your social circle, you failed to do the same in hers.[/quote]

I misspoke. Of course I wouldn't directly say that it was short notice. I would merely say something like, "I'm sorry I wasn't able to make it to the party. I appreciate the invitation. It's too bad we keep missing each other, because I really would like to do something with you outside of the usual environment, and to meet your friends too."

I don't think it's fair to say that I "failed" to handle myself in her social circle. The invitation was only 3 hours before the party started and I did already have plans, which I followed through on. It was a nice offer, but I don't think I committed a social feaux pas.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Rhody;33851]
You judge the group as being "weak individuals" based on what? Based on me being the leader? And with your acknowledgement that you don't know me personally, is that much information to go on? If you take this paragraph out of your post, it's gold. I didn't ask for peole to judge my friends sight unseen.[/QUOTE]

I could have chosen better verbage, I'll give you that. It just hard for me to make sense of a social circle where the leader has fear of being anywhere but. Seeing that I can't wrap my head around that, I should have just left it out. I apologize.

[Guest]

Of the input I've read so far, I agree pretty much 100% with Smirks.

The fact that she invited you the party could or could not be an IOI of physical interest. She may just be promoting her party and wanted as many people there as possible or she wanted you to be there specifically. Honestly, I would have taken it as the former over the latter until she showed more interest when I was at the party.

Yes, I would have gone to the party. I would have rolled up to the party with my best-friend in the whole world...liquor: wine, beer, hard stuff, whatever you wanted to drink and thought was appropriate. This bullshit about going to a party with your friends, when they weren't invited, subcommunicates a weak frame and is, in my opinion, rude. She invited you, not them.

The worst thing that would have happened is that you went to a party where 99% of the attendees were complete strangers and you were unable to make an impact on the party then graciously cut out early. The best case scenario is that you show up, unleash the charm, win over the attendees, prove to her that you're a social leader, and then she's all up on you. Most realistically though is that you could have expanded your social circle and, most likely, could have generated interest from a couple of girls that you probably would have never met otherwise.

Finally, and I have no insight into your social circle, but being a leader is not something that you claim. It is something other people grant you. If you've been told that you're the leader, then I'm just talking out of my ass. But, if you just think you're the leader, then chances are that you are not.

It's kind of like the argument that alpha males don't think in terms of being alpha, they just are. Or that the humble man is no longer humble when he's aware of his humility.

The last two paragraphs were really directed more to the noobs, definitely not a shot at you because, like I said, I have zero insight into the dynamics of your specific social circle.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Smirks;33850]
Judging by the tone of your post, and the hesitation to be exposed to a different social scene than you're used to leads me to believe that if you are in fact the "leader" of your social circle, then it must be chock full of socially weak individuals. To be a leader of men brings with it an indifference of surroundings. You are you no matter where you are, or who you are with. It's almost like your alpha facade is...well...a facade. You were afraid to be exposed as a non-alpha personality. I don't know you personally, this is just what I gather from your post.

[/QUOTE]

...Exactly....

Rhody- why are you so adamant about getting her on neutral turf or your own turf for that matter? You mentioned something about the "orbitor" role, but if you were a real "leader" like you claim that wouldn't be an issue would it? A social leader would set the stage and not allow that to happen.

ps.
Starting tomorrow I'm running for PRESIDENT of FACEBOOK! ;-)