AFC and just ended second marrige. Trying to keep my head up.

[Guest]

Where to start with an intro. I found this site today after I just ended my second marriage to a 23 y/o at age 35 and spent about 60 days of heavy drinking, crashing my car, punching holes in the walls of my house, have lost about 24 pounds from not eating, and drunk screwing 3 hideous women, then got in a bar fight this last sunday. Picked up several PUA books and then picked up just enough to know I have lived my life completely the wrong way after talking to another attorney at my office who is 46, never married, and who from his stories has always just "gotten lucky" and never actively tries to pick up women. That's when I realized I wasn't anything close to a PUA but a AFC, I had just gotten lucky over 19 years with about 75 women, and turned 2 of those one night stands into marriages. So I'm just starting out, but if anything I can tell you that the worst thing you can ever do in life is settle for anything less than what you want, its going to make you completely fucking miserable. The hardest thing is realizing that you have some really bad, bad habits. I just poured out my entire bar, threw away the bong and have started pouring over all the PUA material and videos online I could find to help identify my bad traits like talking too much, trying to impress women, being completely closed off to the world, and stressed out from work to the point of enjoying nothing about life after a mutually emotionally abusive marriage. Still have not done any serious field testing, but have started talking to women everywhere I go to try to get rid over the approach jitters and have enjoyed holding eye contact with women as I walk by them. Any suggestions on written or online material is appreciated. I already have the most mentioned 5 or 6 PUA books and am readying them now. Thanks ahead of time to all who opine.

[Guest]

welcome abear!

first of all, you must not be a complete AFC if you have bed 75 women! thats more than most on this board, i garuntee you that! so you mustve been doing something right!

..having said that, after reading your post, i'm concerned that you may still have a great deal of feelings for your ex-wife. though i see that you have made some major steps in the right direction (getting rid of your alcohol and, picking up PUA books, etc.), it is my personal belief that inner game plays a HUGE role in your success as a PUA...

your mindset has to be in the right frame....you should be truly ready to move on (which it sounds like it to some degree) and rebuild your life. you must be in the right emotional state...rebuild your lifestyle, become emotionally stable, rebuild your social circle, etc.

i can definitely relate. most here would agree that i have all the major components to be a successful PUA. im attractive, good sense of style, fun, great job, confident, etc. but when i first got into the game, i still had feelings for my ex, and that definitely impaired my game. its really hard to explain, but it definitely retarded my progress and growth. now that i am (for the most part) over my ex, i have seen much more success. not sure why, but i have.

so my suggestion to you is to read the PUA books youve bought and try some of things you've learned from them. identify which style mesh's with your personality and experiment with what works for you. while you do this, continue to focus on inner game and repair yourself emotionally....

you should come to the next meetup and socialize with some of the guys here and hopefully we can help you with any questions you may have.

looking forward to seeing you out!

[Guest]

Damn that is the best intro in a long time.

Welcome.

I take it you are an attorney. A couple others here(who are inactive for the most part) are attorneys as well. They both seemed to be pretty successful with women.

Unlike Prodigy I used the feelings I still had for my ex in the beginning to get good at this game. Mainly because I didn't want to spend the nights alone sitting there thinking about her. This made me succeed and forced me to get with tons of girls so my bed wasn't empty.

75 women is a lot no doubt so you can't be total AFC. I do have a feeling though that if you stick with this and meet a new girl with your newly acquired knowledge your next marriage probably won't end in divorce.

Goodluck

[Guest]

Your dead on man. I don't even want to see my ex to exchange my kid right now, she drops her off with the parents. Before I stopped drinking Sunday, I tried meeting a 7 I met online and got so drunk (probably from the remaining anger) I just excused myself and bailed, even drunk I could tell drinking that much turned her way off. My #s are misleading. It was quantity over quality for the most part, and after only one time in high school, all the rest came during the marines and fraternity days when opportunity often just fell in my lap, when I did actually open my mouth, I often completely blew the f close. Thanks for the insight, I'm going to take another few weeks to chill and read and then meet up and hopefully learn alot, this forum is much better than the national one I had looked at hands down!!

[Guest]

"I didn't want to spend the nights alone sitting there thinking about her."
That's exactly why I started too. As far as being a total AFC, yes when I am sober I could not approach AT ALL. Add alcohol and I could, but either with normal 5s and 6s or loose 7s with some bullshit like "want to be with a real man tonight". I have alot to learn, the only thing I have insight on now is that you must stick to your core values and refuse to take ever shit in marriage or you are on path to divorce. Your woman has to ALWAYS think you are prepared to leave if she disrespects or takes you for granted in anyway or she will see you as a AFC. This bullshit that women are told that you have to compromise in any relationship cannot extend to changing our core values as men. I lost track of that and compromised after my kid was born and everything went to shit.

[Guest]

Welcome aboard man your situation is very similar to mine and I sympathized with a lot you said. Your advice on never settling for less than what you really want or you'll be miserable is dead on -- I've definitely lived that. The bad habits, too - you are definitely right on that being able to see your bad habits and realize their negative effects on your life will be a big step towards getting what you really want. You sound like you have the right attitude to start with.

Oh and don't worry about keeping your head up -- in my experience you'll probably find quick success with getting better at women than where you're at and you've gotta be decently social if you've been laid that many times. Prepare to blow your own mind once you really start getting out there.

[Guest]

Great intro!!! It says a lot about your character that you're being as open about yourself as you have been.

If you decide to walk down this path, you've got a great resource here and A TON of great knowledge/advice to draw upon.

If you make the effort, you'll find that we are all brothers here...welcome!!!

See you in the scene.